Another day of feeling sexually frustrated. The guy’s too tired, but what can I do? I basically fend for myself. I have questions I want to ask Tom, but he’ll just take it like I’m trying to pick an argument with him. Well, I did ask him if he was over that block he said he had. He told me when we first met that once he gets over his block and is able to cum, then he has no problem cumming again. Earlier tonight, though, he said, “I don’t know. We’ll see.” That deepens my suspicion that that time he said he came, he really didn’t. I don’t think it’s possible for a guy to cum without having anything come out of their dicks. Well, I could maybe ask Andy sometime whether or not it’s possible.

Now there are a couple of other things that have me confused. The other day, on our way to his parents, I asked him what kind of rubbers he had. He was all embarrassed cuz I’d said that at a stoplight and the window was down. Like the person in the next car would’ve picked on us cuz I said that - right! Well, the big question is how come that embarrassed him yet he wasn’t embarrassed to talk about our sex lives with Wendy and Geri? He told me that when we first got together and I was so tight that he mentioned that to them. He said that someone said, “At this day and age they should have ways of stretching pussy.” He asked me if I minded that he talked about personal stuff. I didn’t mind and I still don’t mind.

Another thing is that I said we could’ve found the time to squeeze in some fun yesterday, but then he said that by the time I got up, he’d already put in a long hard day. True, but then why was he able to move and lift lots of stuff around for hours after I’d gotten up?

I think I’m about ready to give up trying to analyze things and just keep all questions I have to myself. He’s very sensitive and I don’t want him to take any questions I have personally or in the wrong way.

When we do get together for sex it’s nearly always great and we say we can’t wait to do it again. I mean it when I say that, but does he?

He says he doesn’t want me to put anything else above him and I’ll make sure till the day I die that I try never to do that, but I feel like sometimes the computer and the TV come before me. I don’t mean just having sex with me. I mean cuddling. He never stops me when I sit on his lap when he’s sitting in his chair or wherever, but why doesn’t he ever take my hand and sit me down on him? He does when I’m really upset and that’s great, but it’d be nice more often when things are fine.

I asked him if he was trying to punish me cuz of Kim coming to visit in Nov. and he said no. That’s good to know cuz just cuz one of us has company, doesn’t mean we still can’t have sex or spend time with each other in spite of it.

I want to believe everything he tells me, but sometimes it’s hard. Even when he tells me I’m sexy. I suggested using rubbers if he’s over his block so at least he doesn’t have to worry about my getting pregnant. We can’t afford it now, as good as a breadwinner as he is cuz we first have to completely pay off the house, the wedding, and the rings. I’ve always been used to taking care of myself sexually when necessary, but now I’m back again thinking that it might be best for us not to have sex. This way I can’t (and neither can he) get my hopes up for it, then not being able to for whatever reason. I know and accept that we both can’t always have our way and that there’ll be times when only one of us is available for sex, but I still wonder if he wants me that bad in a sexual way.

At least there’s one thing I’ve never doubted. That’s his true and sincere love for me.

A few hours ago I made two copies of the same word search puzzle. For the second time, we raced each other and I won by a landslide!