We now have the AC shut off for the year and now the swamp cooler is on. It feels great and I wish it had this feeling at the peak of the summer. The air’s so fresh and clean and my lungs are great.

Tom trimmed a half-inch off my hair yesterday and every 6 weeks or so we’ll do this.

I went through all my makeup and ditched some old stuff I’d had for ages. I really should get new mascara as I’ve had the one I’m using now for over a year.

We accomplished a lot yesterday. We finally sorted all our mail and papers. I do whatever I want with my mail, but when the mail comes in, Tom tosses what he doesn’t want and I file the rest. We also planted the 5 cactus plants around the pool yesterday morning. They look great.

I was surprised that next door was so quiet. I hear them occasionally when I go out back, but lately I’ve been blessed by the absence of them and across the street. Well, more than lately. They’ve all been quiet for several months. At least I know I have the fan and the music as a weapon against whatever if I need it.

Did I mention that I finished the medley? I’m sure I did, but anyhow, it’s got some parts I could’ve done better, but it’s great for the most part.

Tom said don’t worry about botching up his movie as it’s on a lot. Yeah, I’ve seen it listed quite frequently, but it’s not on this week. He said I should record more stuff to get my confidence back. Well, I haven’t checked to see yet if the two movies I taped came out OK, but I’ll soon see.

Right now I think I’ll go have some coffee, then I’ll write more later. First though, the B drive on the computer’s broken. That’s the drive I used for my journals, so now if I do anything with them I’ll use the C drive. That’s pretty much the main drive. I use it for letters and other stuff.

Later...

Sex for us is getting more frequent which is great and the sex is always great. For me. I’m still confused when it comes to Tom. He sure as hell acts like he likes it and he always gets rock-hard and tells me how sexy I am. I do believe him when he tells me I’m sexy, and not just cuz I want to.

I can’t cum by penetration alone, and I know everyone’s different and that’s fine. It’d also be just fine if he came out and told me he doesn’t want to cum. There are things he knows I don’t want to do. Like go down on him, so that I can understand. Also, I’d understand if he had a physical problem that affected him sexually. The big question still remains. Did he lie to me when he said he came those two times when nothing came out? He says he didn’t cum much anyway, but then why was he worried about messing up my sheets?

I toyed with the idea that he was holding back so as not to get me pregnant, but he couldn’t get me pregnant by cumming in my hand. Then I realized that maybe he felt it’d look funny if he only came in my hand out of not wanting to get me pregnant and I’d think my pussy just wasn’t good enough like my hand would be. Maybe he feels that’d look a little obvious. It really scares me to admit to myself that he could be lying about this. If he is, and I do say if, I hope he’ll someday soon have the heart and the courage to tell me why. Why? I’ve never caught him in a lie before. There’s only one other thing he’s ever said that I doubted. He said he could sleep through sounds if he knew what it was and who.

He slept through them moving in next door, raising holy hell in the front here, but he couldn’t sleep through Kim, Phil, Alex and I? Hmm…

I thought of asking Tammy and Andy for their opinion for a long time, but then I thought that’d be uncool to involve them. Then I realized two things. One is that they wouldn’t get involved and two is that they’d keep my question a secret. I finally broke down and asked Tammy if it was possible for a guy cum “dryly.” Her answer was, “Not to my knowledge is it possible.”

I asked Andy on his machine.

Tammy said Lisa got the letter Tom sent her and was very pleased. For a while there I was wondering if he was really going to write and send it.

Later...

The movies I taped came out OK. I listened to some music and just made myself some coffee. Soon I’ll be conking out. My stomach’s a little better, but I still get waves of pain here and there.

I hope Andy leaves me a message tonight. I told him that if the answer to my question is no to say, “No, I don’t like whatever song by Gloria.” he’ll say “yes,” he likes it if the answer’s no.