I went to bed last night close to 11 PM and got up at 4:30 this morning.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping, then over to his parents. Marge is gonna put straps on a halter-top I have that falls right down. Tom was showing her stuff on the computer, while Ray entertained me on the Pachinko machine.

After we left, we went to a park with life-size metal statues of people. They looked so real. Especially from a distance.

Lastly, we went to the Osco where I got 3 small 100-piece puzzles. They’re only 7 x 9, but they’re so cute. I got one of rabbits, cats, and dogs. They’re up on the kitchen wall now.

I also got makeup remover, nail polish, and a very smart purchase I saw advertised on a TV commercial. Oil of Olay has a body shampoo with a pink scrubbing puff and supposedly you won’t need lotion with this stuff. It’s great! It really lathers up well, all you need is a little drop and it really works. This is so much more convenient cuz putting lotion on is a pain in the ass. Especially when I’m trying to do my back. It’s greasy, too.

I forgot to mention what I got for only $9 at the grocery store. A lamp/organizer. The lamp is on a long stick-like thing you can adjust to wherever. It came with paper clips, thumbtacks, a notepad, and a built-in tape dispenser. The tape dispenser’s too low and all messed up, but this is OK since we’ve got 4 of them around here. It’s got other slots and grooves for stuff. On it, I’ve got pens, drawing pencils, erasers, paper clips, the notepad, address labels and stamps.

Andy left a message saying he got the typed edits. He said he couldn’t believe I could sit there and type that for hours, and he couldn’t see himself reading it unless he was totally bored. He will, though, he says, cuz of all the time and work I put into it.

Later...

You have no idea just what a relief it is to see them so quiet next door. For the first time since they’ve been here, I can honestly say I hope they don’t move. With my luck, they’ll move soon and another huge family will move in. The difference would be that the parents would be like most people and not give a shit.

I called Tammy who says Bill’s not doing too well. Dad will be there next Mon. and will be leaving the following Wednesday which is the 17th. On the 19th he’ll be back in Florida.

When I told her that her genius brother-in-law put in a garbage disposal, she said, “So.” Then I remembered her house doesn’t have one, so maybe she’s jealous.

I told her big sisters are supposed to look out for little sisters and little sisters are supposed to tell big sisters about health and beauty stuff so I told her about that Oil of Olay body wash.

I had 3 songs on oldies #1 tape that are now on CD, so I stuck songs in their spots from an incomplete tape.

Tom and I had a hot debate a few days ago and I totally disagree with everything he said. He asked if I wanted him to get a vasectomy cuz he was sick of playing this game. I said, “Excuse me?”

Yeah, I can be contradicting on the subject of having a kid, cuz there are both reasons to do so, as well as to not do so, but he is just as contradicting about it. All I can do on my part in the hopes of getting pregnant is lay back and spread my legs. Meanwhile, he’s done nothing to put his actions where his mouth and desires are. Then he goes on to tell me he can suddenly start cumming just like that. Yeah, right. Then why doesn’t he?

Then he says he has to be sleeping with me before we can make a kid which I know wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. So, I finally told him, “Look. Don’t be leading me on. You say you think I’ll be pregnant between May and July and we both know this isn’t true. Next, you’ll say you think it’s gonna be between August and October, and well…don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”

Plus, he knew we couldn’t be sleeping together full-time by May and July, so why did he say we had to sleep together to make it? Meaning, why’d he say May to July when he should know that’s too soon to sleep together? Our not sleeping together may make me feel “abnormal,” but it’s just not gonna happen. He said failing’s when you don’t try, not when you try and something doesn’t work out. Well, Saturday night we tried it and boy did I ever feel like a failure. He disagrees with me, but yes I did try and no I can’t change myself. It’s not that I don’t want to, cuz I can carry on my business of writing, listening to music, etc. It’s just not me. There are always some things about ourselves we cannot change and I don’t want myself or him to kid ourselves about it. Just like I couldn’t make myself be tall, I can’t sleep with him, maintain a schedule, have a kid, or quit smoking.

Like I said before, it’ll take time, but I’ll get over not having a kid. Most people don’t like or want the same things forever. I got over never being with a woman more often and I don’t miss not having that. There are only a few things I hope I never get sick of and bored with like Tom, singing, and writing. Well, actually, there’s lots of stuff I hope I’ll always be into.

Shit, I got a wart growing on the front of my thigh, a few inches above my knee.