Amazingly, I finished typing all the edits yesterday. On a size of point 9 they take up 19 pages. I condensed it down to 11 pages with point 7 or 6, and I’m sending copies to Andy, Kim and Bob.

Yesterday I also got the signing program disk from Alex. It’s pretty cool, although some of the illustrations are poorly drawn. The quiz is no challenge for me since it’s really for beginners. A sign comes up with 5 words next to it and you click on the word you think it is and it tells you if you’re right. Boy, times have changed! When I learned, it was from a book. It’s so much easier and more convenient for people to learn on the computer where you can just scroll down a list in alphabetical order and the sign comes up with each word. It’s just harder to carry around with you like it is to take a book out to wherever.

Later...

I laid out earlier and did a few other things. I did some word puzzles when I was out. I washed my comforter, changed the bed, sang, made spag, did a few dishes, and typed a few letters. I think I’ll go type up some of 76 now.

Later...

Tom just got off of work at 4:00, but he mentioned stopping at a hardware store for shelves. We’re gonna put up more wooden shelves to replace those flimsy plastic ones. We’re also gonna put up ones that are only about 6” in depth (from the wall on out) for all his disks.

I’d like to check into clipart and decorating stationary. Papers I type letters on and journal stuff. Alex used that really cool FBI seal in his letter. Supposedly, there are ways to get pictures around or amid stuff you type. I’ve seen and done it before, but I’d like to know more about it. Especially how the seal was done. It was on the paper beforehand and it’s very light so your typing can be seen and read easily.

Gotta trim my bangs one of these days real soon. It looks really scruffy and I still have a million split ends.

A couple of mornings ago I was horny as Tom was going to work. He told me I’d have to take care of myself till he got back. I asked if he ever took care of himself when I’m asleep. He said if he has the time. I asked if he just gets himself horny and aroused, or does he go all the way? He said he only gets himself horny and aroused. God! I hate to call my husband a liar, but I just don’t see how this is possible. Especially for as long as we’ve been together. I mean, he may not be a typical male, but he’s still a guy. A human being. I’m sure he relieves himself whenever he can. Either that or he has wet dreams constantly. He probably just told me that so as not to upset me. Why would I bother getting upset over it after all this time? I might if it kept going on for years. Then again, maybe not, cuz I don’t expect a change even though he’s 100% sure it will. He says things can “suddenly” change and he says he doesn’t want to wait. Yet there are no actions to go with these words.

We were discussing last night how I’m afraid to succeed and move on, even with the stuff I want and it’s true. I told him, though, there are things he could do too, that’d help us both. I told him that as far as us sleeping together, to either move in or don’t. I still feel the same about that. I want him to cuz we love each other and would feel more “married,” but that’s a classic example of how changes and progress can scare me. I just don’t want to return to the days of having to deal with being woken up constantly. Also, he promises not to trash this room, but I still have to see that to believe it. As far as I’m concerned, the rest of the house is one thing, but this room is my space.

Time for a cigarette, then I shall return to write more.

Later...

I just listened to a message from Andy that he must’ve left when I was out back or had the music on. His roommate who’s 100% better, loved my little crayon can that I made him as well as the edits. Especially Karson’s. So many people like the edits, and two of his friends, Quinn and Goofy, have copies. I told him I gotta start charging people $5 per tape!

I’m gonna go food shopping this Sunday with Tom, but I sure as hell ain’t looking forward to the fucking crowd. I really hope he gets at least one weekday off soon, preferably two.

Later...

I just decorated several pages. My own homemade journal clipart.

Well, it’s almost 6:00, so I guess Tom wasn’t too tired. I was kind of panicky last night for the first time in a while. There is hope, though, of getting over and growing out of certain things.

Later...

Tom found a note for me on the front door dated March 8th. Two of the girls next door typed it up on their computer, which is a piece of shit like Tammy’s, but very sweet and sincere. I’ll put it in my binder with all my other letters.

I typed out a quick thanks-for-the-letter-and-understanding note and stuck it in their door next door. How can they play on the other side of their house, though, like they said they’ve been doing? The other side of their house would be the driveway of the other house next to them. Nonetheless, it’s been great around here and I’m so glad, cuz most people just don’t give a shit. I know all too well about that thanks to Barbara, Robert, and Andi.

Before I get into what Tom bought, let me back up to what I was saying right before he got home. The reason why I have the hope of getting over and growing out of wanting a child is cuz people’s desires and goals do change. Also, here are examples. When I was around 21, I knew it was never meant for me to be with a woman. Yes, I’m still right, as well as wrong with things I feel. It took me a few years, but I did live through it and got to the point where I could deal with it, accept it, move on, and get over it.

Tom got more shelves as I said he was gonna, but we’ll still need more. The guy’s got a lot of books, magazines, and disks. He got a fluorescent light for the kitchen, like the one by the computer. He got wiring for the garage, so we can have a light to flick on when we’re coming and going at night. Right now there are only 2 or 3 long fluorescent lights towards the center and back of the garage and one that’s sound activated. It looks like a nightlight. Lastly, we finally have a garbage disposal! Yes! No more scraping and straining food out to dump in the pail, and hopefully no more clogged sink either.