This will definitely be the last huge journal I’ll get. I still like it. It’s just a little awkward to write in. Especially when I lay in bed.

A few nights ago I puked. Thankfully it wasn’t much and I only puked once. I was nauseous, though, for a few hours before and after. Tom helped calm me down and what he told me sure has had me feeling much better. You see, I told myself that if I don’t talk about a kid it may help him get off (this is what he says, but I don’t believe he’ll ever get off either way). The bad side of that, though, is that it gets all bottled up. I didn’t want to talk about it, though, cuz I didn’t want him to feel pressured.

Then he finally said, “Look. We can’t have you sick, so talk about it all you want. I don’t want you keeping it in and bottling it up any more than I would with any other issue.”

This has made me feel so much better. It’s actually made me even think of a kid less often. Sure, I still want one, however, I still do have my fears about it, love to sing, and do all my other hobbies and there’s no fucking way I can be a day person every day. The way I see it, though, is we’ll probably never be able to have one, but it’s good to know I can still discuss it. Especially when I know that not discussing it isn’t gonna magically change things.

He brought the computer over to his parents today and he brought back my halter-top. She put straps on it and did a great job.

I didn’t know the Judds movie was a two-parter, but it is. I saw part one. It was great.

As for Norah’s movie - all her clothes are pitiful, cuz it’s set in the early 1900s, but she really doesn’t look bad at all. Her hair’s not too long, but it isn’t short. It’s about shoulder length. All her movies are so boring, except for The Guardian. I love to watch her, though, and I’ve got lots more to see. Tom did a fine job cutting commercials so they’d fit.

I finished the puzzle and taped it. I’ll put it up on the kitchen wall tomorrow.

Gotta see Dr. Nielsen tomorrow.

Later...

Dr. Nielsen’s appointment went great. It looks so healthy, that it’s even producing wax. So, he cleaned out a few flakes of dead skin and now I don’t have to go back till August 14th! Then, 6 months after that, which will be 1996, then a year after that which will be 1997. Tom was right about it all. He’s right about everything except saying things will be done or happen at certain times, his getting off, and us having a kid.

I left Andy and my mom a message about my ear, then called Tammy’s. She goes, “I don’t want to hear about your weather or your pool.”

Then Dad got on the phone and said, “It was 40º this morning and when I was working outside in Brimfield it was nothing but freezing and rain.” Then he goes, “Wait a minute. Let me take off my gloves.”

I was cracking up and I told him it was that way just for him and that it’d warm up when he leaves. True, he says, the weather is to warm up Wed. He’ll be leaving tomorrow and will arrive in Florida Thurs.

He was happy about my ear and said he believes Mom’s taping the Judds movie. I told Ma on her machine to call me if she hasn’t taped it for whatever reason and that I’d send it if need be.

Andy’s taping a two-part Stephen King movie and he wants to see the Judds movie, so we’re gonna swap tapes.

The rest of the Norah movie wasn’t too impressive. She had a million different ugly hairstyles and outfits. Yup, she looked her best in The Guardian.

Got a Bob letter today and he enclosed a drawing from a magazine of a girl who sort of resembles Gloria. I drew it and it came out pretty nice, but I didn’t mean to make her fat. She’s got a mama’s face.

Later...

Tom got home an hour ago and he’s in his room watching his show, then he’s gonna crash. We’re both beat. He had to get up early and I had barely 5 hours of sleep.

After the appointment, he dropped me off, then went back to work. Then, I cried for a few minutes, believe it or not. There’s knowing it’s over; then there’s knowing it’s over. It really hit me today. It’s over!

I saw their dog tied up out front today. Guess they exterminated again. That goes with having one kid, let alone so many cuz of the way they throw food all over, spit, and puke.

Well, I’m just gonna go veg out and do some puzzles for now. Maybe I’ll get more into that library book. I’ve only read a few pages so far.