I feel so bad for those dogs two yards down. They whine every time it rains out and the owners really just don’t give a shit at all. Maybe I’ll call the Humane Society on behalf of them as I originally considered. How do they stand it? I mean, I know they’ve got kids and therefore it just blends in all together, but how do they sleep?

I hope Tom gets home soon from his errands cuz I only have half a cigarette left.

I did another load of laundry and had the clothes out for a few hours and right after I took them down it began to drizzle, so that was perfect timing.

I just did Larry and others an envelope I think they’re really gonna like. I did 3 plants sitting in pots on the front. On the back, I drew a silver rod and drew 5 hanging plants.

Speaking of envelopes, Tom said Nickolena sent Mom a Valentine and decorated the envelope. Tom says he’s sure the idea came from me, or else they’d have just done something on a separate piece of paper. Yesterday I did a Valentine’s banner for Tom with words and drawings on old adding machine paper.

A miracle happened yesterday. Tom finished the back room and I can now vacuum 99% of it. I just hope it’ll stay this way, but after 2½ years, I’m grateful.

I wonder how many more years it’ll take him to cum, although I know better than that. He’s still teasing as far as sex goes. He said he was gonna wake me up since I took care of myself yesterday cuz I couldn’t get him to. This is one area where I’m glad he’s full of it cuz I don’t like being woken up. It’s the lying I’m sick of. He said he wants to win the bet so he went all out to clean the back room so he doesn’t have to have that on his mind. Now, if you’ve got to have a room cleaned in order to cum, you’ve got a problem. Well, he may not have the room on his mind, but he’ll have the fear of a kid on his mind.

I haven’t heard any kids, so that’s good, cuz if you’re like most people, you don’t want to deal with it unless you know you’ve got to deal with your own kids.

Got a package from my parents. They sent a new cow wind socket. Cool. This one’s a bit longer and a bit different looking. They also sent a small wind socket and a bracket to put up a mini flag. They sent the following for mini flags. A Halloween flag, hearts, a pineapple and one with a slice of watermelon and a drink next to it. The last one is the one we put up. For big flags, they sent a pineapple, a cactus and coyote, and a fish. I put the cactus one up over the microwave and the fish are up in the back room.

They also sent a shade screen for the car.

I don’t know why they bother with sending so many pineapple ones. I hate those. They’re so boring. It’s amazing how little these people know their own daughter. Back on Oswego Street, they sent me these disgusting lemon, lime, and orange sugar-coated candies. Don’t they know I hate citrus flavors?

Any flags I don’t put up, I keep in the hall closet, cuz you never know what we or someone we know may do with them in the future.

When Tom was last over at his parent’s house, they sent back some cake for me, a swing, and a monkey bar. They’ve been put up out back, too, so the backyard is pretty much decorated really well and has all kinds of stuff out there.

Tom says he wants me to trim his hair again soon. Oh, God! Does he really think I can learn to do it right? Well, he says so. I trimmed my pussy hair and did it in a much better way. I shaved it, but as I got closer to my clit, I trimmed it. That way there’s less stubble and won’t scrape up more hair molecules.

This Wednesday we’re going to the IMAX Theater. A coworker of his won tickets and he gave them to Tom. The screen there is supposed to be 60 feet tall and 120 feet wide. That ought to be interesting.

Kim called last night. Now that she’s got over female problems (hopefully), she now has intestinal problems. Hopefully, she’ll be OK.

I left Tammy a message and hope to hear from her soon.

Other than that, there’s not much else going on. Tom wants me to draw the cactus/coyote flag. I’ll do it on another CD label of his and I’ll also be doing it on my parent’s envelope for their next letter.

Later...

Well, Tom just told me that at 8:00 when his show’s over, he wants me to “spoil” him. Yeah, I’ll spoil him with a wicked hard-on. It’ll be good timing, too, seeing that he’ll be up for over 12 hours. I wonder if he’ll try these new things he mentioned or if he’s just talking.

Later...

The good news is that I did a really good drawing.

The bad news is the same old shit and I’m finding myself thinking of leaving here and there. It’s just that I love this guy so much otherwise that I can’t imagine leaving. I’m just so sick of his lies pertaining to sex. It’s all bullshit. The waking me up, the new stuff, the bet, the kid, etc. He said he knew I didn’t believe him, but to just wait a week to see who’s right cuz he doesn’t want to blow his chances during the relaxing vacation he wants. He doesn’t want me to be quiet about it to up his chances of cumming. He wants me to be quiet cuz he just doesn’t want to hear it or deal with it. I can’t make him deal with it, either, cuz all he does is get upset and blame me and turn an attack on me. There’s no way I can demand we get help now cuz there’s no way he’ll budge, and he’ll just cry no opportunity.

Well, like that woman said, there’ll be no kid as long as I’m willing to set aside my wants in order to make him happy. The only way I can make him happy is for him to never cum, for us to never have a kid and for me to allow him to tease me with these issues.

I miss mutual sex and if it was up to me, I’d only have him go down on me since screwing is only for me. Screwing is something I enjoy, but it also makes me feel like a freak and I’ll sure as hell never get pregnant by it.

I could demand only oral sex, but then he’ll insist he doesn’t like the idea cuz then he can’t play with my head. I swear that sometimes I feel all he wants me here for is to clean the house, draw him pictures and be something to tease and bullshit! I’m so sick of people controlling me all my fucking life. I can’t stay at home, I can’t wear the clothes I want, I can’t be a singer and I’m certainly not allowed to have a child. Am I ever gonna be able to do something that I really want without someone or God trying to stop me? My own fucking husband insisted he’d cum long ago. That was a lie. He promised us a child. That was a lie. He’ll never allow me to have a child, no matter what. What did I do to him to piss him off this much to sacrifice an orgasm so as to never allow me a child? What did I do?!?!