How smooth of him. I tell him we can have fun anytime, as long as he doesn’t play his mid-cycle games cuz he’s a scaredy-cat who also loves to tease, and he says he doesn’t want the pressure of having to count days and look on calendars to see if he’d be “risking it.” In other words, he says he doesn’t want to make sure he knows when I’m mid-cycle, then have to be paranoid about my blaming him if the sex “doesn’t work out.” So, he’s trying to cover himself. However, if he’d just admit his fears, instead of making sure he doesn’t get in there, we’d have no problem. We live together. I can’t hide when I get my period, and therefore, I can’t hide when I’m mid-cycle. The guy’s not stupid, either. For the first couple of years, he avoided me during mid-cycle, but now, it seems he’ll do anything to lure me into sex during those times, cuz I really believe he does enjoy teasing me, but at the same time he’s scared to deal with the responsibility of my either losing a child or having one. It’s like he has no empathy or compassion for what I’m going through. Then again, how could any man or woman that’s had kids, even begin to understand my situation? I thought it might be best if I made up excuses where we couldn’t have sex during those times, but then I’d be just as guilty as he is of not coming totally clean, even though I know I can’t ever conceive. Who knows? Maybe this fear of my conceiving he’s got really is a subconscious thing for him and he doesn’t know it.

We did have a good time shopping together. I kind of regret going to the mall, though, cuz it was almost like a Friday night there! It was mobbed with people looking for after-Christmas deals and kids on vacation.

Tom got what was his Christmas present from me that he’s been looking for. It’s a hair-cutting thing. You hook it to a vacuum and it sucks up the hair and cuts the amount that you set it to cut. Tom really likes it. Speaking of hair things, he said I should try the hair removal system again and that it’s now in stores everywhere, so it can’t be that much of a rip-off. Well, it is. It’s total bullshit.

We also got a new colorful comforter with pastel colors mostly and a matching sheet set.

At Office Max, I got fluorescent multi-colored computer paper, and a small notepad of fluorescent multi-colored paper, a cactus mouse pad, and a box of a dozen of my favorite pens. They didn’t have purple in stock, so I got blue.

Boy, this bird is pretty animated tonight. Not with chirping. She chirps very little. But I guess she’s filing her beak now.

Andy has a therapy appointment today, so I’m sure he’ll leave me 2-3 full messages about it. I do want to hear about it, but not for that long!

What the fuck was that? Was that the black bitch yelling? Anyway, I don’t know what the fuck’s up with them. Yes, it does seem that no one’s moved the gray car he’s been driving, but then where is he? Why’s he driving the white car (if it’s really him driving it)? Why would you move out, get a different car, and leave your old one where you moved from? That is if he did move out. He couldn’t have gone too far, cuz he’s been showing up at least every few days. I’m sure he, his dog, and his music will be back to stay anytime from now till the 1st. Tom said he doubts New Year’s Eve will be rocking over there, but wouldn’t be surprised if there was activity over there on New Year’s Day. If he’s in the picture there will be. Anyhow, I think that at least the bitch has been there. Tom said that last night every single light was on, then they were off later at night. So, I don’t know if they’re scared of the letter or if the cops had anything to do with the letter or what. I’ve heard weird sounds like they could be moving/packing sounds, but right now, I’d say that she’s not going anywhere and that loverboy and doggie shall return any second. Maybe his not moving that car is a plant. They could know that they don’t have enough evidence to take me to court, and are using the white one while they hope to maybe catch me on tape doing something to the gray one. Who knows? All I know is that if they’re a problem with noise, I’ll be a problem with noise and more if I don’t beat their asses.

Drinking those wine coolers really makes me relax. In fact, they make me sort of drowsy, so maybe they’ll help me sleep when I can’t, and even get on schedule when I need to or want to. The Benadryl helps, too.

Andy says I’m swapping one addiction for another. First of all, I don’t see how 1-2 little bottles a day could hook me. And even if it did - better to be hooked on that than hooked on cigarettes. Especially when you’ve got asthma. And someone with no job, no kids, and who doesn’t drive, doesn’t need to worry as much. Lastly, if I can quit smoking, I can quit anything.