That we know of, no car’s been next door since it left on Sunday. However, at least the bitch has been there, cuz Tom said that there were lights on over there when he left in the evening to go to work on Sunday, and they were off when he came in the next morning. Maybe that’s why I could’ve sworn I heard a car door early yesterday morning. It was the bitch’s ride.

It seems perfectly logical to say that the absence of both him and the dog is due to the holidays, but it still makes no sense to take the dog with him (assuming he’s the one out of town). Why not have her or someone they know come to feed the dog? And if he went somewhere to visit family, why didn’t she go too? Maybe she has to work, or maybe they did break up, but I doubt that. I’m sure he and the dog will be back before the New Year. And with him in the picture, I hate to see how New Year’s Eve is gonna be around here. I think I’ll be asleep for New Year’s Eve, though. That is until the fireworks throughout the city wake me.

Today the bitch will get her letter and I know damn well she’ll come knocking on the door about it, so I won’t even bother to answer. On the other hand, maybe I should, cuz that’d be my excuse to pop her. I just hope she doesn’t take me to court and that God will get me for it in other ways (as if a life without a child isn’t enough). If she does, though, that’ll be fine cuz what happened when Stacey and the butch took me to court will happen - nothing.

Tom did an excellent job with molding roses. He didn’t get powder stuck in his molds, either, like I did.

Kim left a message just wanting to wish me a happy Chanukah and to say hi.

Ma emailed me saying they got their gift and loved it and that they’ll be lighting the first Chanukah candle tonight and hopes I will, too. Jewish holidays always begin at sundown on the previous day. I told Tom I thought it’d be a silly waste of time lighting candles, but he says it’s fun, so it won’t hurt me to do it.

Later...

I’m waiting for my TV dinner, so I won’t say much at this point. Just that I’m still torn between doing nothing about the fact that I can’t have a kid, and going to a doctor and hearing it from an expert. It’s just that I got to thinking about how Tammy said she and Bill always disagree. Well, if Tom heard it from an expert that I was sterile since he doesn’t want to find that out the old-fashioned way, then that’ll be one less thing for us to argue about. Also, I couldn’t claim he was too scared to prove me right or wrong about the sterility if a doctor verified I couldn’t conceive for sure.

On the other hand, I know the truth. Therefore, it shouldn’t matter what he thinks or does.

Later...

I just talked to Kim. The temperature there wasn’t too bad when we spoke, but it was in the process of snowing!

I’ve been trying to reach Paula for a few weeks, but there’s never an answer there. Her phone still exists and I’ve been leaving messages, but who knows what’s up with her?

I wish I could make myself invisible, as well as anywhere I wanted to be at the snap of my fingers. If I could do that, I’d be silently laughing in the corner of their living room next door while they read my letter. If only I could be there to see their reaction.

I can picture her being too pissed off to read it through right away. She may need time to get through a letter like this. I can also picture her stomping up and down and yelling, “It’s her next door! I just know it is!”

As for him, he’d probably calmly read it out loud, in the midst of her screaming, with a baffled expression. It won’t piss him off, though. Not like it’ll piss her off. I know this won’t scare them, but that’s OK, cuz I wanted to piss them off more. Just like they pissed me off. He’ll be pissed and confused. She’ll be pissed. Real pissed!

Anne and Harry - another one that says they’ll write and send pictures, but then doesn’t. It was around this time last year that Ma (Anne) told me she’d send pictures and a letter, but I never got it. Anyway, I sent them a letter. I hope I hear from them this time, but I won’t count on it. At least I know that they’ll read my letter and enjoy hearing from me.

10 AM

I went to call Tammy, but there was no answer. Then I called Larry’s house. No answer. Then I called Larry’s work and was told he’d gone to Florida. So I called my folks. Mom and Dad were there, but Larry, Sandy, and Jen had just left to go shopping.

I wished my folks a Happy Chanukah and told them to tell that to the others, too. Dad said it was hot and humid. I wish it was warm here, but he can have the humidity.

So what are they doing down there, anyway? I thought Larry had basically decided to just stick to occasional phone calls with them, but nothing more since he wasn’t too happy with them. I also thought the trip to Florida would bring back hurtful memories since he and Larry traveled those roads a lot. And lastly, I thought Sandy couldn’t stand Ma.

Well, hopefully, they’ll enjoy their vacation there.