I have so much to say regarding the last few miserable days I’ve had, but I’m so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to start. I had things worded perfectly in my head as the events of the last few days unfolded, but now everything is all blurred into one in my mind.

I’ve basically entered the peak of the “giving up” stage, so to speak. Even though there’s nothing to give up - well - you know what I mean. My fists are unclenching more and more as I realize more and more how hopeless it is to try to fight fate. That’s the basic issue for me lately and I’ll break it down into detail, even if it’s the same old sob story I’ve already written about time and time again, after Andy and the freeloaders.

Andy - he came over last night. I liked all but a few of the clothes Laura gave me. This time, there was a wider variety of things. There were halters, shirts, shorts, pants, nightgowns, etc.

I gave him clothes to give to Laura and an extra comforter for him.

Before I get to freeloader news, Teddy Bear’s gone. Tom buried him out back.

Marty had his second open-heart surgery, so now he’s even with my dad. Mom’s in a hotel with Ruth in Miami. That’s where he had his surgery done and I guess that’s the only place there was an available team. I’ll send a card soon.

Freeloaders - the dog’s back to its 2-3-hour barking fit in the early evenings, and now the freeloader is back to its music shit, too. It’ll get louder and louder and more and more often. Nothing I can do can stop it, short of shooting the bastard dead. They can do wrong and get away with it, God don’t give a shit, and my husband, who thinks he knows it all, will waste his time with city/government letters. I told him the letter would either be ignored or useless, but he just doesn’t get it. He’ll make up any excuse and say that this will work and that that’ll work just to keep me from going over there and beating that black ass red. Fine! I’ll just let them force their music on me, I’ll sit back and take it, and not do a damn thing about it. Why should I bother after all? God would just replace me with a new source of noise, and of course, tomorrow or the next day or both, I’ll have to get up when the basketball game starts.

I’m still rather distraught here, so I’ll continue later.