I have a feeling that this 3-day weekend won’t be completely peaceful. They gave me two quiet weekends in a row, so I think that in their minds, it’ll be time to make up for that peace. Remember I know just how these fuckaroos operate. You don’t even have to be good with people to know how they operate, cuz they go about it in such an obvious way. Right now, I sense that Sunday or Monday could call for some shit, and God knows I’ll be up to receive it, too.

And who knows what the renters and our local bangers may do, although lately, it’s been great as far as stereos go in general. I’m also stunned to have not heard/seen more of the collie kids lately either out back, on the street, or next door, but like I said, I think they got into a fight and that explains why the girl that’s about ten years old, that used to use their hoop, hasn’t used it.

Later...

I did something I haven’t done since gaining and losing weight. My metabolism must be soaring. Well usually, if I take a day to pig out, I’m a pound heavier the next day and I don’t lose that pound till after I’ve stopped eating. Well, I pigged out two days ago and woke up a pound heavier. Then yesterday, I ended up pigging out too, but woke up at midnight a pound less at 109! Maybe it’s cuz I slept for such a long time. You do lose weight in your sleep. Well, you should. I wasn’t at first. When my weight peaked at around 125 pounds, I’d wake up at exactly what I went to bed at. Anyway, here I am being compensated for waking up a pound lighter by being stuck. First day in weeks, even close to a month, that I’ve been stuck. Not even the last two times I took a water pill caused me to be stuck. I was gonna cheat, had I woken up at 110-111, by taking a water pill. Gets me back down to 108-109 a lot faster than doing it the old-fashioned way. Maybe I ought to go online. I noticed that being on the phone or being online seems to get those number twos rolling. I’d always have to take a dump right when I’d be in the middle of looking up something on the web.

Andy left a message saying that he got the letter and money I sent for his birthday.

Later...

Just like we’re taking a break from sex to try to have it be more special, new and exciting when we return to it (although I know better), I’m taking a break from picture screensavers to use some of the regular ones.

Tom got this really neat sponge that’s attached to a slim stick that you put soap into. It seeps into the sponge as you do dishes. It’s really cool, but I can’t hang it where the sponge is dangling down, cuz then the soap just seeps through and runs out. I have to lay it on its side.

I asked Tom if it would be OK for him to decide when it’s best to go back to sex (since it’s usually him who makes most of the decisions concerning sex) and he agreed, but I hope it’s gonna be a while yet. Just like mixing business with pleasure complicates things, so does mixing sex with relationships. My love for Tom just isn’t sexual, anyway. It’s emotional. And I don’t want the sex thrown into the picture to complicate things. On the other hand, there aren’t reasons why it could complicate things as much as there used to be. It used to be that it bothered me that he didn’t cum, especially cuz it used to be that I wanted a baby. It used to be that he’d play games and refuse to even go in there at times. But now that I’d prefer him not to cum, don’t want a child, prefer sex part-time on weekends, goes in there we go to screw, there shouldn’t be arguments over sex, since the sex itself has gotten to be mutual. In the past, though, it was pretty much on his terms only and I didn’t like his terms much back then. I just have no desire to have sex with him, plain and simple. I love him and want to be with him forever, but I love to talk with him, do things with him, etc. Not fuck with him. It isn’t the predictability of the sex that bores me, it’s the sex itself that bores me, and I’d really rather just take care of myself.

As I was telling Tom yesterday, I have some worries that eat at me at times, but don’t we all? It’s really weird and a bit frustrating, cuz when I’m miserable I spend my time wishing for better times, and when I’m happy I spend my time fearing I’ll be miserable again at any moment. I just hope and pray to God that I never find myself wanting a kid again. It’s not like I could do something about it if I did. Most couples can do something about it and can be helped if they’re having a problem. However, I’m a freak case cuz of Tom. This doesn’t mean, though, that if Tom were suddenly normal in bed this would change anything, cuz I’d still be a freak case, but then it’d be cuz of God.

I didn’t express this to Tom and I never would, but as much as I’m anxious to get Ma off to join Dad, and on with our lives (hopefully), I don’t look forward to being treated like shit. Maybe things will be different this time around and I sure do hope so, cuz he really treated me like shit when his dad died, and he really took his sorrow out on me. I understood. It’s not like he meant to do what he did deliberately, but he’d snap at me, lie, make ridiculous excuses for his behavior, and say I said/did things I didn’t say/do, etc.

Porky and Ratsy are playing now. The rats play like kittens and it’s so cute!