Well, Tom is officially on vacation. It rained today too (at least my lungs are better), but at least for his sake, you can almost always count on a beautiful weekend in Arizona, cuz he wants to go to the racetrack Sunday. Tomorrow, he’s gonna shop for fun stuff for himself. He was supposed to do this a while back, but for various reasons, he never got around to it. He needs a new wallet, and maybe he’ll pick up a new computer game or something.

You know how I said something always comes up on his vacations? Well, two days are shot already, cuz he has jury duty on Monday, and he has to take our daughter to the doctor next week, too. At least his mother was kind and generous enough to offer to pay for us to go to Laughlin, but we decided against it. We don’t want to spend six hours on the road each way and not sleep well. Well, I wouldn’t sleep well. We’d rather go to the casinos on the Indian reservation and while we’re at it, we’ll check out some land in that area. If there’s any available to check out. We’ll have to look online.

A really loud stereo just thumped by, so I lost my train of thought. Where was I? Well, let’s just say we don’t have any big plans for this vacation. I just hope it’s a pleasant one.

I don’t know if we’ll break our routine of weekend sex and have it during the week since he’s on vacation, but to tell you the truth, I really hope we don’t. I mean, I don’t see how going back to basics and doing the backrub scene and all that is gonna make a difference. What it is is plain and simple - it’s old. There really is no big problem here to figure out, after all. It’s just that sex is no longer new and exciting to me. At this point, if I need to get off, I can just get off with the vibrators. There’s nothing new to explore and experiment with him. Also, although sex is predictable, it’s familiar and comfortable.

I also want to do right by God and be a responsible person (along with helping to prevent something from happening that I don’t want to happen). Meaning I don’t want to have mid-cycle sex even though God’s seen fit to it that I cannot conceive. It’s sort of like having cops. OK, so you have them around to protect you, but should you still dump the responsibility all on the cops and assume that just because they exist, you can be stupid and irresponsible and go walking around alone in a bad area of town in the middle of the night? That’d be ridiculous. People still have to do the right thing and be responsible for their own selves no matter how well-protected they already are.

There’s a doll show going on at 8:00. I’ll be checking it out.

I’m having a serious setback with the weight. Woke up at 113 pounds! Yeah, I have been eating too much. Isn’t it scary, though, to see how fast I could undo nearly a month’s worth of work? I could eat my way back up to the mid-120s in time for my next appointment with Melanie on the 22nd and be the same size I was when I first saw her. No prob. Anyway, I’ll be pushing myself really hard to make sure I don’t have more than 1000 calories. I even took a water pill to give me a head start, even though it’s after my period. Yeah, my period’s just about over. I’m gonna be sooooooooo hungry. Food is all I think about! Those Chromium Picolinate pills became more and more worthless, so I’m on my own as far as dealing with hunger pangs go. It’s either go hungry or eat and get fat. Real fat. I’m gonna go hungry till I’m about 40, but after that - I’m gonna live it up. No, I’m not gonna eat like a pig and eat nothing but junk, but I’m not gonna deprive myself either, and spend so many hours being hungry.

Later...

Well, I peed off nearly three pounds and am down to 110½.

Tom says Mary’s got some sort of problem with her stomach or intestines, but that’s all I know. I know she’s gonna live, but I don’t know if she’s gonna need surgery.

Tom and I were debating over whether Bill really ever had lymphoma. He insists Bill wouldn’t shave his head and that that was real chemo baldness. But guys aren’t into appearance like women, so if he wanted to pull some bullshit lie for attention that required him shaving his head, he’d do it. Maybe the sick fuck really did have it, but I like to say he lied about it. I mentioned his lying about it in a letter to Tammy and she never insisted I got the wrong idea, so who knows for sure? The point is, whether or not he did have it, I guess you could say there’s a little Dureen in me who likes to add lies to the truth out of anger and hatred. Although, this is human nature in a way. So, besides admitting certain things about Bill that are true, I kind of like the idea of calling this little shit a liar and making up shit that never happened, to add to shit that did happen. I love to hate people like him.

Andy left a message telling me he was mugged by five people. Thank God he wasn’t hurt. He said he knows where they live and that he’s gonna have some guy in the neighborhood take care of them for him. He’s gonna have one guy take on five guys? Right!

Then he told me some good news, but then again, it’s not good news, cuz he won’t let it be good news. Through the temp agency, he’s gonna be working at Bank One (as a clerk for 7:50 an hour, Monday through Friday, 8 AM-5 PM) for what they say is to be three months, but he says will end up being only three weeks, cuz of jobs they’ve said before that would be for three months that turned out to be only for three weeks. As Tom said, this is a good job to have and if he does a good job, they’ll hire him permanently. But he doesn’t want a permanent job and he doesn’t want full-time work. I don’t care what he says, he only wants part-time work in different places. He may keep a job for a while if it’s part-time, but if he were given a full-time position, he’s gonna set himself up for firing. He’ll open his mouth and practically beg to be fired.

Even he’s admitted to liking little vacations and having free time to bum around. Is he always gonna be such a sad sad case? Such a loser?

Porky’s become quite the prankster. He’s taken to walking around the outside of his cage and for the last three nights in a row, I caught him on the outside of the cage and had to yell at him to get back inside. That little shit! It’s kind of cute, though. It’s like the little devil knows just what he’s doing too, cuz he seems to usually do this only when I’m around to see it. Sort of like a cat getting negative attention by climbing on a table it’s not supposed to be climbing on, knowing its gonna get yelled at.

This is the second day in a row that I haven’t heard or seen anyone other than Bill from next door. She’s not out partying or doing something tonight, though, cuz there are lights on inside and no porch light on.

Tom brought up a good point about them if they were to move first, which I highly doubt and don’t sense. He says they won’t do anything to the house. He said they may play loud music while loading up, but they wouldn’t do anything to the house. He said burning it down is out of the question, cuz it’s awfully hard to burn down a brick house. True. But they still may smash windows or do other vandalism.

Later...

The good thing about the doll shows is that at the beginning of each hour, they show a quick preview of the dolls they’re gonna sell. So at 9:00, I’ll get a preview of the last hours’ worth of dolls. So far, none of the dolls are impressive. Just their prices. There was a 24” vinyl baby doll, not that I’d want it, for just $17!

Last night, at the same time as the night before, that guy from the Embassy Suites hotel called back with his vacation deal shit. I told you he would. I’m good with people. I didn’t let him get any further than where he was calling from before I went off on him. I knew it was him, though, by what time it was, and I also recognized the voice instantly. Tonight, I took the phone off the hook and will leave it off till 9:00, cuz I don’t want to be distracted by the phone constantly ringing. I’m surprised the little fuck didn’t leave a message last night. Maybe hearing a man’s voice discouraged him, but somehow, I doubt this.

Later...

I saw the rest of the dolls, and they were all either shitty or so-so, till I saw Glenora! Oh my God! She was 24” at $70 with ordinary hair just to the waist and an ordinary face, but her outfit! It was like - wow! It was a mint green colored crepe skirt with a matching top, but what made this doll so unique was that her stomach was exposed. The top is sort of like a midriff. It was beautiful, and there are just not enough outfits like these. She had on nice lace shoes and was holding a basket of flowers. She was really nice.

They had a 33” doll for just a little over $100. You could never get a deal like that in the stores! The store’s dolls that are around 30” are usually $400-$500.