Miss Bitch left her mistake alone again for a few minutes this morning. Bill was apparently late. I noticed I didn’t hear him pull in while I was in the bedroom having my coffee. I heard a honk at 6:40 and saw the light blue car on the street and the bitch walking away from it. Then she came back and stood at the driver’s door talking, but I had to put my spying on hold to go live my life and start my shower. Shortly after, I heard a door that sounded like it was in the driveway, so I ran and peeked one more time and saw that the bitch had gone and that Bill was here. The bitch obviously just couldn’t wait till Bill got here, I guess, cuz she left about ten minutes before he got here.

Woke up at 109 and am stuck today. Since I’m gonna be going back to being stuck every other day, I must really watch my calorie intake, but I wonder if it’s cuz I’ve slacked off my exercising again? Better start that up again, even if most of the exercises don’t do me any good. The only way to have a flat belly is to do crunches for hours every day. Just 50 or so of those a day won’t cut it, cuz it’s so hard to isolate stomach muscles compared to arms and legs.

Paula called at 7:30 with her new number and address. So I have her phone number, her apartment address, and her PO Box address. She said I could just send mail to her apt. She claims she’s gonna stay where she is for a while and that she’s sick of moving around. She’s in a 3-family house. She’s got a 4-room apartment on the middle floor.

She said she beat up her little sister when she was in Florida, has the hots for several different guys, and that it’s freezing there and they’re expecting snow.

Later...

I didn’t hear the freeloader come to get the animal at the usual time of just after 8:00. I could’ve been listening to music or in the shower, so I can’t say for sure whether or not they came.

For the last week or so, my hair has been much softer than usual. Why this suddenly happened, beats me. Perhaps it’s cuz I’ve been laying off straightening it. It still looks sort of fried and very uneven, but it feels so much better.

Later...

It’s coming up on 2:00 yet he’s not home yet. Damn that mother of his! I know he doesn’t have to work tonight, but still, he’s had to have been up for about 16 hours. He doesn’t need this. Now I wonder if we’ll be able to do what we had planned today, thanks to his fucking mother.

I told him that I had mixed emotions about her. It’s like I love her and I hate her. She was a wonderful mother to Tom and she’s given to us, but she’s also a user who runs my husband ragged and who sucks up a lot of our time. Tom said it’s OK to have mixed emotions.

We were gonna pour some shit down the tub drain to unclog it, then Tom was gonna put a regular handle back on the toilet. I’ve had it with this toilet shit. I told him about the leak, after all, and how I was sick of having to hold the fucking button in for 20 seconds so it’d flush all the way. He said I should’ve spoken up sooner, cuz he’s been sick of the push-button for quite a while. I just didn’t want to give God, or whoever, the reaction it wanted. I hate to give in to my hexes by either getting emotional or letting them cause me to take action over it. I’d tell him to just get a whole new toilet, but that’d just get hexed, too.

Tom told me he’d support me with whatever I chose to do, so I told him I was gonna take his word for it, and here’s the scoop: I remain sure that I want to try doll making and not have a child. However, should I ever find myself wanting a kid again, I’m gonna just get it done by a doctor. No going through another handful of years trying to do it ourselves. If we could do it ourselves, we’d have done it already, and I’m big enough to say so and not deny that. If the doctor wants to do any more testing fine, but my point is that if I ever want one, unless it’s medically impossible, I’m just gonna tell her about our sex lives and why we can’t conceive on our own, therefore just take a damn egg, fertilize it with his sperm, and shove it up in me. Although painful, it’d be a done deal that way without having to go through more years of trying to make time and trying to hit it right and trying to get off and trying this and trying that and driving ourselves crazy with frustration and taking the fun out of it, provided it’s medically possible and that God doesn’t kill it along the way. I told Tom I hope he’ll keep his word but I highly doubt I’ll return to having a child. However, if he’s got a problem with the possibility of my doing this in the future, however slim, I need to know. After being together as long as we have, I think it’s the only way. Same thing happened to Linda. All the screwing in the world, for way more years than we’ve screwed, didn’t impregnate her. Only in vitro did. Initially, they told her she had one clogged tube that they unblocked, but that other than that, everything was normal with her. I guess some people just aren’t meant to do things the typical way. Just like with how I learn differently (as Tom and I were discussing, I learn better on my own, not in groups). So then it’d only make sense and it wouldn’t surprise me if I’d have to conceive differently, cuz of how many things I do differently as it is. Like I said, I can’t “see” this happening, but if I should one day tell him I want in vitro, he won’t be taken by surprise.