I knew there was something about today’s date that bugged me till it hit me - today’s the day back in 1981 that I was admitted to the Brattleboro Retreat where I stayed prisoner till December 17th. God, it’s been 18 years! It’s funny how my mother could finally admit in the end that Brattleboro was a mistake, but not Valleyhead. Yet Valleyhead was much worse.

Let me update next door before I get into our exciting but hot trip out yesterday.

Shortly after my last entry regarding the freeloaders, in the early evening, we were up to 4 vehicles over there. The white pickup, the blue pickup, the silver car, and even the van. There was no music, but we were both suddenly surprised to see so many vehicles over there after it had been pretty mellow there for a while as far as that goes. The van ended up staying there overnight, but I don’t think the silver car has stayed there the last two nights. Last night it was just the white pickup as far as I know, although the blue pickup was visiting. Right now the white pickup and the silver car are here.

The city was next door again yesterday, and again, the pickup was on the street to make it look like it didn’t live here. Anyway, I think they were up on their roof again.

I’m kind of surprised Tammy hasn’t kept calling since that message she left about wanting to work things out.

I’m not surprised, though, that Andy didn’t leave a message during the weekend. He seems to be making sure to leave messages only every other weekend.

Before we left we used that kick-ass, smelly primer that really seals and boy does it ever! Yes, we definitely should’ve used it to begin with. We then switched to the cooler to vent the fumes. Before leaving, I put bowls of ice in the animal’s cages, even though I knew they’d be OK and that they’re more tolerant of humidity and temperature changes than people are. Dogs are left out in 115º weather.

I was in and out of Mel’s quickly. Just 27 more days of these braces! The only thing that can delay the braces from coming off (since my two front teeth are moving back after all, and she didn’t say there’d be a problem) would be if I couldn’t make it or if the doctor decided to play musical appointments on me.

Mel said she liked my hair better this way cuz it was spunky (some of my curl has come back).

On my way out I told Tisha I had wanted to wait till after the braces were off before I had my teeth cleaned, which are now due to be cleaned, but she said I didn’t need to make an appointment for that because cleaning is part of the disbanding. Good. Then I can get both things done at once and all I’ll have to do is go back for retainer checks and fillings.

The ride to Mel’s and to the home dealers was very hot and humid. Although they said it was only to be 104º it felt like 115º. Naturally, Tom who’s a native and tolerant to heat was insisting it wasn’t that hot or that humid. Yeah, right! They gave me some water once I got to their offices, and Tom was laughing later on about how they thought I was going to pass out.

Leona was there and available to deal with us, which seemed to take forever. We had a zillion forms to sign.

There were two disappointments, as far as we were concerned. One was that the washer and dryer weren’t included in the house. They could order it, which they did, but it’d be on a separate delivery. Not with the house like the carpet and the dishwasher will be.

Also, she made it sound like it’d take more like 3 months to get into the house rather than 2. Tom says it’s unlikely we’ll have an apartment layover and I don’t vibe it. God, I hope not! (I told them they should think about having apartments just for people who do have layovers) Apartments in Arizona may be modern and cheaper, but they suck!! They’re so damn noisy. Kids are outside screaming constantly, and the walls are paper-thin. At least this time around, if we do get stuck in an apartment, I’ll have Tom with me and it’ll be for a very short time and I’ll have the fan, rather than a wimpy clock radio to sleep with. Having people next to you or below you can be just as bad as having people above you. You can still hear people’s doors and cabinets closing that are next to and below you, as well as people’s doors, cabinets, and footsteps above you. I know how it is to have someone who walks like an elephant living above you and to have one pissed-off butch next to you! Even if they’re not noisy, and aren’t deliberately trying to stomp around and slam shit, you can still hear them moving about just fine. A box fan should drown out the blowers and mowers they use every day, but a clock radio? Forget it! Just forget it. Remember, I should know.

There’s always the chance that we may not get approved for the loan, and if this does happen, we’ll have to drop this house, get our $1,000 back, and go somewhere else. Even though this model’s the best and the most original, it wouldn’t kill us to have to go to that place near here; the second place we went with that older lady. They had some really nice Cavco models, which wouldn’t be settling in any big way. Certainly not at all compared to this house and where we’ll be living.

We’ll be buying land within the next couple of weeks. We’d be pretty much done with the prep work if a certain somebody had kept up on the garage, but because there are mountains of junk in there, he’ll have to clear that out first. That’ll probably take longer than anything else we’ve got to do around here, like finishing the packing and the yard work. We still have to paint the trim and do a little bit of edging in the house.

Later...

Tom just got in and is in the bathroom now. He said the silver car is here. Fucking lazy assholes! Not only do the freeloaders that live here not work but neither do their associates. They’re all the same, I swear to God! Tom said he’s not sure if he’s gonna write to the mayor since he basically had intended to use the mayor if the house had problems selling which we’re sure it won’t and since it wouldn’t change anything. Sadly enough, there’s probably nothing that can be done to stop these lazy bums from using society to live off of, but I need to vent. It’ll make me feel good, nonetheless, just to write my frustrations to the city and that’s exactly what I intend to do once we’re moved.

Later...

Tom’s gone to bed.

The van’s gone now, and the silver car and the white pickup have been coming and going.

I was just in the old music room checking out how the primer did when an adult male yelled out something that startled the shit out of me. Fucking cock! The fucking adults can be just as loud as their many mistakes. The little Mexicans were working on the van that is in the carport, after all. Them and their fucking working on cars! I’ll bet they work on cars that don’t even need to be worked on. So what is this now? Three vehicles live there now? Anyway, those little lazy shitfucks really piss me off. You don’t know how hard it is to restrain myself from going over there and giving them a piece of my mind about their sick, rude, inconsiderate, lazy ways!!!! Makes me just want to beat the shit out of them! It’s no wonder so many people do beat the snot out of these people. How can they carry on the way they do and not expect to be hated? It’s one thing for someone to have a different lifestyle than I do, which is fine, but when it’s forced upon me and when I’m used, we’ve got a serious problem. If they want to yell and play music, they shouldn’t force it on others or use them to live off. If it weren’t for my promise to Tom, us moving, my having a record, and being a middle-class citizen who’s no longer on disability, I would be bashing their faces right into the brick wall of the house! Really, I’d take them by the nape of their necks and bash their fucking heads right into the bricks! Also, I could hear the faint strains of music, but only in the music room which I’m not in 99% of the time, and which was baseless. They better not be testing me, though, cuz if that music gets louder and bassier, they’re gonna get it!

How many years can they do this, though, and just bum around at the taxpayers’ expense? Aren’t there any laws and limitations? Can they really get away with this forever? I thought I heard something ages ago about how they were changing the welfare system and making it so people would only be on it temporarily till they could become financially independent, and would be cut off after a certain amount of time even if they remained unemployed.

I’m not done with yesterday’s outing, but let me just cover a few other things first.

I mailed Andy a copy of the floor plan of the house we’re getting, along with pictures of me before and after I cut my hair. I had Tom show copies to Mom and Mary, too.

I told Tom I don’t mind sex every other week, but my crotch does. If I do it too much or too little I get irritated down there, and once a week really suits me best these days. I thought it’d be best to just wait till after we’re moved and settled, but he said we could screw tomorrow. Why doesn’t the thought of that excite me? I mean, there’s just no looking forward to it at all. I guess it’s because I know what he’ll do. I know what his every move is gonna be. He’ll be on the side for a short time, and maybe he’ll go on top, although it’s doubtful on a Wednesday, and neither of us will cum. It’s like we mechanically go through the motions without feeling a damn thing. Although I know he has to get a little excited or else he wouldn’t get hard. I still can’t believe his resistance after all these years! Now that’s being determined and stubborn! Imagine all that excitement year after year which you don’t release? God! And he can’t always privately release it right away after we screw either, cuz he knows that’d be too obvious. Sometimes he does, though, in the bathroom or in bed alone. And all he would’ve had to do all along was insist we use birth control from the get-go, and he could’ve had fearless, fulfilling sex ever since, but like I said, I want him to be happy. Even if I still wanted a kid and could conceive, I’d give that up just so he could be happy and not feel like he had to change or be controlled, although I also think it’s his nature to have a low drive and low energy in bed.

Now here’s something that makes no sense whatsoever. He bitches to me that he doesn’t want me to say he won’t do whatever, then I don’t, and he still doesn’t do it. How can he expect me to take him at face value and assume he’ll do what he says he’s gonna do if he doesn’t? He still hasn’t ordered the CDs he said he was going to order, yet I never said he wouldn’t in the first place, so see? He even doesn’t do the things I don’t say he’s not going to do. He can’t blame his fears/procrastination on others. And he doesn’t want me saying he won’t do something he says he’s gonna do? Well, what does he expect? I guess it’s an obsession with him.

Anyway, we made the last-minute changes we wanted to make with Leona. I put back the carpet in the bathrooms, but still want the dining area in vinyl. We’re still not sure just where the edges of the vinyl will be since it’s an oddly shaped area. Meaning, the kitchen, dining area, living room, and den, are all kind of connected. We are getting a regular tub with a shower in it for the second bath, which comes with a pretty, decorative, lacy shower curtain that’s not really a shower curtain. It’s gathered at the side, and of course, it wouldn’t keep water out. At first I thought we better take the one we’re using here, but then I changed my mind upon realizing that it’d clash with the tulip wallpaper that’s going in there. So, I’m just gonna get a clear or a plain white shower curtain to use inside the decorative one. This bath has a skinny window that doesn’t open, but it’ll sure be nice to have natural light in there. Tom said he wasn’t too thrilled with the low sinks, though. I’m trying to get one of the sinks in the master bath omitted and shelves put in its place, but if I can’t, I can’t. In this bath, you have a sink in the southwest corner of the room from a doorway’s point of view. The tub’s in the northwest corner and next to it is another sink, then a tall skinny cabinet, then the toilet, then the shower stall in the southeast corner. I’m hoping to do away with the sink that’s to the left of the doorway and get another set of cabinets there. Then there’ll be even more space for sheets and bath accessories. Then it’ll just be a question of what things should go in which bath. Some things will be best in both baths. For example, I want both baths to have pails. The second bath only has space under its sink, but as Tom said, he can get a medicine cabinet for $30 if he really wants one and put it in himself.

Tom’s gonna do the cable and phone jacks himself after we’ve furnished the place. We did agree to their outrageous fee of $105 to wire the master bedroom, den, and my office for ceiling fans, but they don’t supply the fans. That’s OK, though, cuz we have 4 fans. We’re also gonna do our own awnings for the windows or whatever we want to stick on windows and doors. We got a 5-ton heat pump. Wow, that’s big. This one’s 3½.

Later...

Jesus Christ! There goes another vehicle I’ve never seen before pulling out of next door. I’ve lost track of how many vehicles have been in and out of there, but it’s got to be at least 25-30. It was a light tan-colored pickup. A newer smaller one than the cream-colored one with the rails that has been staying here lately. See? I was right when I said they’d not only not work and be loud assholes, but that they’d have a lot of “friends.” Assholes always know lots of assholes. It’s back again now. I know these people have something to do with drugs. They’re still doing their bullshit work on the van that Mexicans are notorious for. As long as I stay out of the old music room, which I have no need to go into but to put his clothes away after I wash them, I can’t hear their voices and their soft Mexican music. If their voices reach the living room and kitchen and if their music becomes their loud Mexican music, then they’ll be hearing from both me and the city, but definitely from me.

I suppose the blue pickup, which showed up here late afternoon yesterday, will be here to join the crowd any sec now.

Later...

I just might not finish yesterday’s outing today after all.

Andy’s been fired. I called his machine to see if he’d gotten the message I left earlier about yesterday’s outing which he did. If he was still working the hours he said he was, he wouldn’t have gotten the message yet. So, he’s already been fired, huh? I knew he’d make them fire him if they didn’t lay him off, but that could be the case instead. He could’ve been laid off.

Anyway, I finally got to pick out colors. There weren’t a zillion choices, but it was still fun, and having more choices may’ve made it all the harder to choose. The only thing I wasn’t too happy with was that there were only two floor choices. A wooden plank design, and white. I chose white but would have preferred soft pastel colors. Again, things show up against white, but at least it’s much more bright and cheerful than brown. And the deep dingy yellows, oranges, and browns that are in this flooring.

I don’t have a list of my choices, so I’ll list them according to memory. Out of the dumpy carpet they had, they had spruce, denim, and spice. I chose spice, a wine-red shade. The denim sample dot looked way too dark but when we saw it laid out in the model, it looked lighter, so I’m sure that this spice carpet won’t look as dark laid out, either.

I chose whitewash cabinets, and for the countertops, I chose a design that consists of a splattering of little speckles of two different shades of white. This was the only acceptable choice if you ask me. The rest were hideous.

I chose wallpaper for the kitchen and bathrooms of a faint tulip design.

Pompeii White was my choice for the vinyl walls which I couldn’t do wall art on even if I wanted to. It’s a totally different texture than drywall.

They had about 16 exterior colors in neutral, blue, and green shades. The body of the exterior of the house is going to be Scandinavian Blue (light blue) and the trim will be Everest White (bright white). The two roof choices were brown and white and I picked white.

The valances get a little complicated, but fun, like Leona said. You pick out a packet containing 3 designs. I chose the Catalina packet that contains a solid blue color, colorful flowers, and colorful lines crisscrossing one another. Blue is the predominant color in this packet which I think will go well with the spice carpet. I like contrasting colors. However, you don’t tell them where you want which design. They decide that and they also decide whether or not you get balloon-shaped valances, straight ones, or ones that are draped over a rod sagging in the middle with its ends hanging off to the sides. I think they’ll put the solid blue ones in the den and living room that are draped over the rod, flowers in the kitchen, master bath, master bedroom and retreat, and lines in the other bedrooms and bath. As Leona said, if we don’t like the way they do it, we can change them around or replace them. I want to get white blinds for all the windows except for the two bedroom windows. Those will get shades cuz they keep light out better. They may look funny with valances, though, so I may get long curtains for these windows. The master bath has two big windows too, but I can always shut the bathroom and retreat doors when I’m sleeping during the daytime if I want to keep light out.

Later...

No wonder the freeloaders were out and about working on the van (I think they’re done for now) and having company today. It was only 102º. In fact, I think this is the coolest day we’ve had in a while. The cooler it gets, the more they’re gonna be out. The less company they have, the better I feel. Even though there’s been no music and there doesn’t have to be any company for there to be music what with that stereo they’ve got in their living room, but it’s just better to have less of them around. The more of these Mexicans you throw together, the more trouble and noise can come of it.

Later...

Damn! Here we go again. Vehicle number God knows what has come and gone. An old dark red Grand Prix pulled in with two guys in it who didn’t get out of the car right away. Chester came walking up to the car a couple of minutes after they pulled in. Just as I was wondering if I was gonna see a drug transaction go down, the two guys got out of the car just as some guy was pulling up and exiting the silver car. The two guys in the red car then hugged the silver car guy, then all 4 guys, just kids between the ages of 18-22 or so, walked towards the house. Both cars are now gone but will be back any sec, of course. The van and the cream pickup are still here, though, but what is this? The weekend? Is something going on? Or is this just how they’ll always be when it’s under 105º? Is the blue pickup coming any sec, too? I just thank God the ranchero and white car have disappeared and I hope to hell it stays that way while we’re still here. I went out back before the silver and red car left, expecting to hear tons of screaming, but all I heard was soft, baseless Mexican music.

The silver car just returned. It looks like Chester’s arm is still a boo-boo. The driver got out carrying a beer. Drinking and driving, huh? Way to go, freeloaders! Way to go!

How many fucking people are living there?! There’s got to be at least 4-5 adults and 4-5 kids.

It’s still a 50/50 guess as to whether or not the city discussed my letter with them. I want to say yes, they did since there’s been no loud bassy music heard all throughout our house, but then I want to say no because it’s still overcrowded with a ton of vehicles coming and going and staying there overnight. As long as they keep their music out of this house, we’ll be OK. Even though there hasn’t been blasting music or a ton of door slamming, I wish they’d drop down to having just the van if they have to have a vehicle be there. All these vehicles get me all nervous.

Until the next slew of vehicles comes in, I’ll write more on the house.

We got to see the model again and it was so much bigger than we remembered it to be. It’s hard to tell from the floor plan layout, but the corner just outside the master bedroom is huge. Huge enough to hold a hutch full of dolls if I wanted. I had just thought of that idea right before Tom brought it up, too. Also, I was half wrong in saying the spare bedrooms were smaller than the music room. The music room is about 12x12, and all the spare bedrooms are 10x13. So it’s shorter one way, but longer the other way.

The front door has a small diamond-shaped window, and I forgot just how fancy those kitchen shelves were! They’re the cabinet tops, actually, which have pretty gold and wooden rails running along them. Plants would look great up there, but maybe my collector’s plates would too. I’m gonna have to get plate holders for them.