The pickup didn’t return till 2:40 yesterday, then it left again 20 minutes later. By that time, I had pretty much quit paying attention. Once again, as is the case 80% of the time, my vibes were right. As I’d sensed, there was no trouble. If the kids have been out after dark raising hell, I wouldn’t know it. I haven’t been up at that time lately and checking, but somehow I doubt they have been. There’s been no music, either. The pickup ought to be making its first trip out any sec now.

Later...

Tom’s at work now, as usual. I swear he’s there more than he’s here! Normally, he doesn’t go in till 7 PM on Sundays, but he had to go in at 6:00 this morning. There goes a whole day lost to prepping. I’m excited about going to sign the contract tomorrow after seeing Melanie, and he better be right about us getting out of here in 60 days no matter what! We’ve agreed to go as low as we have to till the house sells.

It’s a damn good thing I’m not like I used to be - horny and wanting a kid. We’re down to sex biweekly now. Thank God the vibrators are there for if I really feel the need to get off. It’s not that often that I get all that horny, but when I do, I find it’s easiest to just quickly get off and get it over with using the vibrators. This isn’t just because of Tom’s lack of availability, but also, although my husband is no dog, I just don’t have much lust for him. No, I don’t wish I could be with an attractive woman either, just with my imagination and fantasies, which I find to be more reliable and more of a turn-on. So I guess you could say I find it more appealing to be with an attractive woman in my mind and use either a vibrator or my hand, which I can depend on to please me the way I like to be pleased with no excuses or conditions. Like I said, I love Tom emotionally. I love him for him, not for his body.

Just washed my hair. God, it’s so easy and it dries in no time! I can’t believe this straighter hair, though. The last time it was this length it was really curly, then the curl straightened out a little as it got heavier with length. What I wonder is - since it’s wavy now, does that mean it’ll be only slightly wavy if I let it get as long as it was again? And will my sides quit growing at around waist-length like before and let the back keep going and going past it? Will it really be healthier and look better if I don’t dye it or straighten it? You never know. I thought my shortness of breath would go away with quitting smoking but it didn’t. Well, my hair sure as hell is healthier right now! It’s like silk from roots to ends, unlike before when it would go from silk to straw. It’s just too damn thick! Of course, there’s always the chance that it won’t grow back or will grow back much slower than before. Wasn’t it Kim who said something about cutting her hair when it was really long and not being able to grow it back? She’s had it down to the middle of her back, though, these last few years, so who knows?

Later...

I can’t believe we’re already up to 2:00 in the afternoon and the pickup hasn’t moved yet! That and no other vehicles have come or gone that I know of so far today.

Later...

And the weekend company has arrived. I knew they had to have some company, although I don’t know if this is company as opposed to Deb borrowing the blue/green pickup. All I heard was one car door and all I saw was her. She was pulling up a plastic bag from the back of the pickup. No music, though. What? Is she borrowing the gold car and now this pickup since the van’s not around? What’s wrong with her using the white pickup that’s been here since the van’s been gone?

Later...

At 4:30 Deb and 3 guys took off in the blue pickup and guess what’s here now? The white pickup that’s been here, the blue pickup, and the van. A couple of guys are leaving right now in the blue pickup. What? Do they feel the van’s been gone long enough to fool the city? Or did the absence of the van have nothing to do with the city letter?

Anyway, I’m a bit lonely now, what with having been up nearly 12 hours without Tom around. He left right before I got up. Sometimes I’m even lonely when he’s here and when I’m not alone. That’s because he spends so much of his time at home watching TV when he’s awake. I try not to bother him and I try to let him have his TV cuz I know how important it is to him and that he doesn’t spend the time alone that I do. He spends it with the people at work, so I figure he needs a break from people and I try to give him all the space I can.

I swear, though, that something wants to tie him up from spending time with me. First it was his mom that was sucking up all his time and now it’s his job. Maybe it’s for the better, though, cuz the more you miss someone, the more you look forward to seeing them. Perhaps we’d get on each other’s nerves if we were around each other too much. It’s not that we don’t get along, but he can be so sensitive over the dumbest things at times and he gets moody.

I feel like he too, has lost that initial lust and fascination with me that I had had with him, even though he’d deny this, but isn’t that normal? Don’t the lust and the eagerness to see each other wear off in time, along with the curiosity and all that?

The blue pickup’s back now. I should’ve known it would be.