We’re going to look at land Monday morning and narrow down our choices, but we can’t go sign the 60-day contract Monday cuz the fucking check hasn’t come yet. Why do things like this have to take so long these days? Especially when it’s gonna be a direct deposit?

The little animals didn’t come out to scream this evening, but that doesn’t mean it’s cuz the city told them to quiet down over there. There are a few nights that they don’t come out anyway. I’m just glad I threatened them, cuz I still firmly believe that the cease in the noise from their all-nighters and the lack of the ranchero and white car is cuz of what I warned them I’d do. I guess tempers do get people somewhere, but naturally that Hispanic cunt wasn’t about to come out and admit that the fact that I practically blackmailed her and her associates had her nerves in a frenzy.

I was watching a documentary about rehabilitating killers and it really burns me up! You cannot rehabilitate a killer! OK? You just can’t do that! Especially when it comes to premeditated killers. And if seeing adult murderers do a measly few years in jail burns me up, seeing the teen murderers get even less really burns me up! These animals should be cremated and then have their ashes flushed down the toilet. Instead, they take millions of our tax dollars to hopelessly “rehabilitate these hopeless monsters. Then it burned me up even more when the so-called “therapist” said that it’d be hard for this teenage boy who killed his mother every one of her birthdays and when he has kids and they ask about his mother. And he will have kids, too. That’s the thing that really enrages me. God will see to it that this beast has kids. I don’t know why I bother to watch these things.

Look how fucked up our society is, though. Tom works his ass off just to give a good chunk of his earnings to “rehabilitate” these lost causes who can’t be helped any more than you can train a rat to sing, and so the freeloaders next door can sit on their asses all day and all night while they get catered to at our expense and given a free ride in life.

Tom says that every time I mention his mom, I complain. I guess he does have a point. It seems that ever since we found out that Dad was dying, she changed. Death changes people, it seems. Just look at how weak, depressed, mean, vindictive, defensive, hateful, spiteful, two-faced, and conceited my brother became after Larry died. Larry’s always had these traits in him, but they sure did come out really strong after Larry’s death.

I may have no choice but to cut my hair soon. I’ve been getting a lot of headaches, and personally, I miss being able to put it up in a high ponytail or clip it up or put it in a French twist, or put it in a bun, and not feel like I’ve got a brick attached to my head. I miss being able to wash, brush, and sleep with it without it being such a pain in the ass, and it still looks pretty shabby and uneven most of the time. Well, we’ll see. It’s only hair, though, and hair grows. I can always grow it back if I want to after cutting it. I did hear that cutting a lot of hair at once can prevent it from growing back and so can childbirth. Yes, childbirth will stunt your hair, but I don’t know if I believe that a big cut will do that, so I’m not worried. It’ll grow back if I let it, and if I don’t trim it so much in between like I did last time, it should only take 6-7 years to get back to where it’s at now.

I still haven’t heard from Andy, since I left him that message last Sunday night. This could mean one of several things: he’s mad at me for some reason that he only knows about, he’s assuming our friendship is nearly over anyway, he’s busy, or he’s dead. I highly doubt any of the last two. If he were dead, someone would’ve notified me, and he’s so rarely ever busy. The guy’s only been busy maybe 10% of the last decade. Well, we’ll see if he just happens to want attention over the weekend, but he should know I won’t fall for the bullshit I’ll-drop-the-pants-off-for-you-to-sew-the-button-on game.

Later...

When I got up at 8:30 I expected to see next door’s driveway and part of the street lined with cars, but it’s a ghost town over there. It’s dark and there’s no van over there. They function at night in the dark for the most part anyway, but the van will be back and I’m sure some company will be in tow. If the kids were outside earlier raising hell, I wouldn’t know.

I’m reading a book right now about a stalker who calls his victim and reads Bible passages, and oh my God! How can anyone read this shit? It’s so full of vengeance, hatred, blood, death, pain and punishment!

I’m sort of doing stomach exercises again, but the discouraging part of it is that I know I can only go so far. The flatter and stronger your stomach gets, the longer you have to work out to keep it going. Getting a stomach that looks like these instructors you see on exercise videos, takes many hours a day. I still don’t have it in me to work out that long.