I’m still managing to get up at 7:30 with the alarm. A couple of nights ago, I started taking Melatonin again. That natural substance that’s supposed to help with sleep. I learned that just because the Nicorette didn’t work the first time, didn’t mean it wouldn’t work the second time. So, I’m applying that lesson to the Melatonin. It worked at first, but then it seemed useless the last time I used it. Well, we’ll see how long it’s helpful to me this time around.

I’m surprised how mellow next door’s been (that I know of) this weekend. I expected them to loiter out front, as usual, but they didn’t. I also didn’t see any vehicles visiting last night, but I was out by 10:00, rather early for a pack of wild freeloaders.

My theory has been right so far - the return of the cream pickup has lessened the Ranchero’s visits. I think this is because the fat tub of shit’s been around more, and she seems to be half and half. Meaning, half the time she doesn’t give a fuck about loud music, but the other half, she wonders if it would be smart to risk eviction. And I have to agree with Tom - I think yes, they are rude to anyone in general, but I also think they like to go one-on-one like they have with me. I think some of their shit is aimed at me, and some they’d do anyway regardless of who was around and who did/didn’t complain.

Last night they took a break, but the two or three nights before that I heard a few loud, deliberate door slams coming from the carport. I’m almost certain this was done by fatty, too. This, for example, had to have been aimed at me. Well, it won’t work as far as waking me up goes. The blacks already tried that when that bitch and her boy toy would slam doors real loud over and over and over.

I haven’t seen the silver car come or go and I really think that’s broken too, along with the van. But now we have 4 vehicles living there - the silver car, the van, the furniture truck, and the cream pickup (I hope the pickup stays). Like I said, why doesn’t she just have everyone she knows move in? Why not have the blue pickup move in, too? And the striped van? And the gold car? And everybody?

I like how the pickup has been blocking their driveway. That way the Ranchero can’t pull up in between the houses, even if it is still too loud from the street, anyway. They’re doing this cuz the furniture truck and the pickup together are too long to be in front of just their yard. I’m surprised they had the decency to block their driveway and not the one next to them since their driveway is adjacent to their yard. Ours, though, is a yard away, fortunately. I don’t imagine that they will, but that’s fine if they want to block our driveway, cuz we’ll just have the vehicle that’s blocking it towed.

I can’t believe how much the constant trips in and out have cut down for the most part. There are some days when vehicles go in and out, but I only saw the pickup make one trip yesterday. Deb and some beefy guy with a shag that’s connected to the furniture truck made the trip.

Since fatso likes cops, I’m making a point of putting bullshit accusations on every other page, so that each piece of paper accuses her of doing something like beating us up, vandalizing the house, cussing us out, yelling racial slurs, etc. This way, if she does decide to run to the cops, she can’t show them anything I’ve written that’s true without them seeing these bullshit accusations too, which won’t make her look very good. She may not care, though, but let her show it to the cops. It’s the same thing I say with the blacks, cuz I know the laws. I know they can’t do anything to me for what I’ve written. If I did something to them, that’d be different. Cops act on actions, not words.

Yesterday was absolutely ridiculous - no one came to see the house. No one! And Tom said the weekend would bring more people and Steven said we’d have a lot of showings. Bull fucking shit! I told Tom we’re never gonna get out of here till we take 10 or 20 thousand off the price, and he said that when we do cut the price it’ll sell in a day (yeah, right!). Also, people are more interested in houses that have been discounted, rather than that start off cheaper. If they start off cheaper, it’ll make people think there’s something wrong with the house. He still swears we’ll be out of here in two months, but I don’t know if I trust him. I’ve seen him be off on his timetables way too many times, and overestimate things way too often. He still insists it’s important for us to wait till after next weekend before we slash the price and that having only one person look at the place in four days is normal. Especially in the first four days it’s been listed. Well, we’ll see, but I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be turning 34 in this house. It’s been delayed a few months at a time since last March, so why not keep on delaying it? We can’t make anyone want to buy this house no matter what the price is, and God could see to it that no one wants it if he wanted to. I would hope he wouldn’t do that to us, though, and that he’d take a break from his let’s-stick-Jodi-with-neighbor’s-noise obsession. There’ll still be noise in the new place and I think we’ve been here long enough and have worked hard enough to move. We deserve to move on now!

As I told Tom, though, the fem wasn’t the least bit impressed. He said no one’s gonna be “impressed.” They gonna say that this will do. Yeah, that makes sense, since this certainly is no impressive house.

I made a point of mentioning several times to Tom how good it is to know I can go weeks in between sex without getting irritated. Why? So he’ll use that to his advantage which would also be to my advantage. Although I said we could have sex as often as he wants, and although he says he wants more sex, I know better by his actions. He has a very low sex drive. And so do I. Therefore, telling him we don’t have to worry about going too long and getting me irritated, will lead to his not initiating sex for weeks at a time for some reason or another, and that’ll suit me well, too. It’ll give me a break from the same old, predictable boring shit.

He says he still thinks I can and will conceive naturally. You mean he still believes that shit?! Good, God! I asked him how many years it’d take for him to see that, fortunately, since I do prefer life over a child, I can’t conceive. He said six more. Oh, so he needs over a decade to believe me, huh? I think he’ll be forever in denial. He’s a very arrogant, stubborn guy at times, who’s obsessed with disagreeing with me. When I’m 60, he’ll be telling me I could’ve conceived, but that I just didn’t, which would be a joke cuz people either can and do conceive, or they can’t and don’t conceive. I can’t conceive, I never will, and I’ve never been wrong about that yet, so why should I start? Deep down, though, I don’t think he really believes I’ll conceive someday. I think he just says that so he can disagree with me, but that deep down, he knows I won’t cuz I haven’t yet, and cuz he knows he’s gonna hardly ever cum.

There’s another thing I don’t understand - why hasn’t God inflicted me with female problems? Why did he see to it Tom had a low sex drive? Why did he see to it that he rarely came? These things just don’t fit into someone who’s destined to be forever childless whether or not she wants to be. I know God doesn’t have to do anything to carry out his plans for us, and fate is fate no matter what, but you’d still think he’d have me have to have a hysterectomy, or that Tom wouldn’t be able to get hard at all. The only way Tom’s sexual ways would make sense would be if God did have it in our cards to have a kid, but he just wanted us to wait, and since we know that’s not the case, how do Tom’s ways fit in? I guess it’s a separate issue, although he is how he is just like I am how I am. My low drive and lack of cumming, though, don’t matter and is irrelevant cuz a woman can still screw when she’s not totally in the mood, and she doesn’t need to cum to conceive.

Later...

So far, nothing’s gone on next door since I’ve been up. The furniture truck hasn’t moved, the cream pickup went out once, and the blue pickup visited, and that’s all. The blue pickup parked on the street, too. The cream pickup’s in front of their driveway, the furniture truck’s in front of their yard just behind it, and I guess the blue pickup managed to squeeze in behind that with no trouble.

I just hope Deb sticks around as much as I hate her flabby guts, cuz there’s definitely much less music when she’s here. The house stereo would only be loud when she was out, except for when they had their big bash upon moving in, and the Ranchero basically only comes around when she’s not here. This is why I think that for the most part, Deb would prefer the music to be kept down so there’s no shit between us for her to have to deal with, but then there are some times when she just doesn’t give a fuck and feels the need to rebel every now and then. Just to know you’ve done something you know someone doesn’t like even for just a minute or two, can mean a lot to you if you’re the type of assholes they are.

Tom’s slowly, but surely getting over his cold which I’ve managed to escape catching so far. I was pissed at him earlier for his typical shit - not being able to find stuff cuz he’s gotta be such a disorganized slob. We can’t find our tax returns for ‘97 and ‘98, but he says he’ll find them somewhere. Well, he better or he better get copies or find some other alternative, cuz we need to get the fuck out of here. I can’t wait for the next weekend to hurry up and pass by so we can slash the price on this house! We’re never gonna get out of here in two months at this rate!

I suggested to Tom that we deserve a break what with the delays, setbacks, and shit we’ve had to deal with, and that we should get at least one thing we want that we were gonna get upon moving. Of course, he had to make me wait a week first, but he agreed that we can order one thing next weekend. I don’t know what he’ll get, but I’m getting Sekarina!

I wish I had begun my story years ago, even though I couldn’t write back then like I can now, cuz by now we just may’ve had enough money to have escaped having to deal with a herd of Mormons, only to end up trading them in for blacks and Mexicans, although I’d take those Mormon’s back any day! They didn’t do loud stereos, in houses or cars.

I keep trying to reason with myself about the writing and tell myself I’m kidding myself if I think it can amount to anything, but I can’t help but feel I’m destined to make something of it. I know it’s silly to even think for a minute that I could, even if my writing isn’t too bad. My singing’s not too bad either, and yet I thought I was going to end up doing something with that. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you’re destined to be doing it, I keep trying to remind myself, even if you have the means to do something that you didn’t in the past. Meaning, I didn’t have the know-how, money, or connections to break into the music business, but it’s a little different with writing. Today, I have the essentials for writing, even though that won’t change a damn thing if I’m right about not being destined for any kind of fame, fortune or success, and God not wanting me to do something I choose that’s non-material. Look at Andy’s friend Donna. She can sing just as well as Linda Ronstadt and other famous people out there, yet she still can’t make it in that business (maybe cuz she’s so big?). Well, I’ll just go with the flow, so to speak, and not let what I believe stop me. I’m trying to be more correct about it, of course. Trying to stay away from words like cuz and gonna unless that’s part of how a person talks or it just fits into the story somehow. I also prefer to do shorter chapters than fewer longer ones.

Later...

I can’t stand all these spiders I find every day! I find 3-5 a day and I can’t wait to get out of Spider Kingdom! I was in the bathroom when I felt what I thought was a hair tickling the side of my arm, but when I reached around to take hold of it, it was a spider on its web. Gross! Fortunately, it fell right in the toilet. We can’t bomb cuz God just had to let our AC break when we’ve got enough shit to deal with already, and I don’t know if my animals could take the heat like that. I just wish God would quit letting us get hit with delays and just let us out of here! God, just let us out of here and make true those that say you help those that help themselves.

The blue pickup came back for round two, and I think it’s out there right now for the third time today, but it’s too dark now to say for sure. It’s definitely not the Ranchero. Stick around, you fat tub of shit!