Tom and I had a pleasant talk after I last wrote, and here’s what we agreed to do. He’s hopefully getting the car AC fixed right now, and then he’s gonna call Steven when he gets in to get the price slashed and the sign out, which I can’t wait to show off to the freeloaders like I was supposed to last week. If that still doesn’t work, then we’ll just take whatever we can get for this house, and settle if that means getting out of here. We’ll just grab a ready-made 3-bedroom off of some manufactured home dealer’s lot, forget buying new furniture, dolls, etc., and just get the fuck out of here before I end up killing these freeloaders. Life is nothing but one big settlement and not getting what you want anyway, and he agrees with me, so fuck buying new stuff for the new house. We’ll just take what we’ve got here for furniture and use that in the new house, as dumpy as most of it is. I just can’t stay here the many more months it’d take to sell this house at a high enough price to get furniture and dolls. Tom offered to buy me all the dolls I want right now if that’s the key to making me feel like I have some say over my life, but I’m not a selfish off-brand. I wouldn’t just hog the money like that which we need for moving and not let him have any fun, either. If he can’t get stuff, neither can I. The number one thing is getting the fuck out of here and if the price I have to pay for doing that means giving up the material things I want, so be it.

He says next door’s not running my life, they’re disrupting it, but I’m sorry, they’re about as close to running it as they can get. Because of them, I have to sleep with music on and have music on when I’m awake that I don’t necessarily want on. They’ve stolen my peace and they might’ve stolen our dream home and that furniture and doll list too, although I will be getting Sekarina this weekend as far as I know unless he’s full of shit and doesn’t order her like he didn’t order the CDs.

I’m using my old portable CD player to sleep with that Steve gave me ten years ago, since my stereo stalls from time to time. He offered to get a new stereo for me or that CD changer. That’s nice of him, but for now, I’ll just use my old box and see what happens. I’d prefer to get most of the stuff we want after we move, but like I said, it doesn’t look like that’s gonna happen if this house won’t hurry up and sell at a decent price. We can’t even begin to sell something no one will come look at.

Again, as we both agreed, life’s not what we want, so I’m seriously considering quitting this story-writing I’ve been doing. Why should I bother? I won’t be allowed to do anything I want with it, so why should I make a fool of myself and waste my time trying to be successful with it while God’s at my side doing everything he can to see that I fail?

Later...

The cream pickup hasn’t been here all day. An extremely bad sign. One saying that the ranchero will definitely be here every day sometime between 2:30-7:00, so I’ll be forced to choose between listening to its music or mine. Naturally, I’d rather listen to my own if I’m gonna be forced to listen to music.

I wish Tom would hurry up and get home so he can call Steven.

I saw those figurines at Osco yesterday and decided they just weren’t that impressive the second time around, so I didn’t get any. They just didn’t have enough color. They had other figurines I had seen before that were nice, but again, the colors were dull.

I did get a birthday card for his mom.