Got some really shitty news. What else is new, though, huh? This doesn’t pertain to me; it’s about Mary. The lump samples they took from her throat are cancerous. How sad. She is so cursed. Not quite as cursed as we are, and not always in the same ways, but still, hasn’t God put her through enough? She has a type of lymphoma in her throat, and you know what, although I don’t have a death vibe on her, I wonder if she’s “too good” to get through this as well as Bill has (if he wasn’t exaggerating or lying altogether about what he had) because you know how it is – the more of an asshole you are, the more likely you are to live longer, and vice versa. Bill’s been carrying on a normal life for years now and will live a full life, but what about dear, sweet Mary, despite the fact that most cancers are now treatable and survivable? Dear sweet Mary who would never verbally or physically harm a fly? We won’t know more till she sees a cancer doctor next week.

And once again, my anger and hatred towards God and his cruel, unfair ways only deepen.

I asked Tom what one of the most humiliating experiences he ever had was, and this is what he told me: He told me that when he was in the Air Force, he refused to take the required flu shot, not because he had anything against flu shots, but because he felt like he was being controlled by being ordered to put something into his body. So he refused and then a couple of weeks later he got the flu. He said it was humiliating to have to ask for the very thing he refused.

I can relate to his dilemma all too well. I know what it’s like to be controlled and have things forced into my body that I didn’t want in my body (all the years of psych pills). I also know what it’s like to be controlled by not having things in my body I did want in my body once upon a time, too (a kid). Still, I’d trade places with him in an instant. Not that what he went through wasn’t bad, but at least he didn’t go through the same old shit from so many different people, some being your so-called family, and for so many years. I’d also trade in the years of freeloader shit I’ve been going through for a flu shot argument anytime.

It’s back to being June out there, scorching hot. It’ll cool down soon enough, though.

Not much else to report on till the renters blast off tonight, and of course, Dan could decide to get engine happy any time now, as the day cools off.