It was only 59° when I got up. It’s been storming since yesterday afternoon. Thunder woke me up for a minute early this morning. I slept in today and got up at 9:15. I thought I’d sleep till 10:00 or 11:00, but even though I didn’t, and even though I woke up a few times in between, I feel well-rested. I had a dream that Don sent me a copy of a letter I assume he was to give to the judge, saying how horrible a person I am. I can’t believe I still haven’t heard from Don. Or Paul “reminding” me of court by playing dumb, insisting he missed me in court. If only we had money! I’d skip court, ignore these freeloaders like I’ve been trying to for years now, then pay Sharon, since she’s just too nice to stiff.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be in for a ton of freeloader-related dreams this next week. A couple of nights ago I dreamt Houdini nearly escaped forever by crawling into the overflow drain in the bathroom sink, which in the dream, was wide enough for a rat to crawl through.

I even gave up on sleeping together, at least for a while. We started to last night, and he didn’t move/snore too badly, but I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be dealing with it. I’m just too nervous at this point. Although I appreciate his understanding, patience, and tolerance, I still feel bad. If only I never lived in the NHA. If only! Besides, what’s the point of being normal when this works for us? It’s like what Helen said about his not dealing with his not cumming – it works for him. Well, we can still love each other when sleeping separately. As long as we’re together in the sense that matters, we don’t need to share the same bed, cuz I just don’t like sharing a bed. I just don’t like it. It just doesn’t feel right. Maybe someday, if and when there’s ever less stress and less bullshit going on in our lives, I’ll try again to adapt to it, but I don’t know. It hasn’t happened yet. Life’s always been one thing after another after another. For now, though – fuck being normal. There’s nothing normal about this relationship anyway. Never has been, never will be. Well, perhaps it wouldn’t be fair to say there’s nothing normal about it, but most things about it aren’t.

On our way out yesterday, I was pissed to realize I forgot the books to use for credit at the bookstore, but anyway, I got 6 books. All but one are full size and 5 of them are a V.C. Andrews series.

After the bookstore, we went to Walgreens and they had that Turbie Twist towel! I love it too, and it really works well. I had my doubts at first that it’d dry hair faster cuz it looked/felt just like a regular towel, but it did dry it faster. Even if it didn’t, it’s nice just to have a convenient way of getting it up and out of the way till it dries. I hated having to have it plastered to me and dripping for nearly an hour. That reminds me - Mom said Mary was looking for the one they’ve got to bring to me, but she couldn’t find it. Yeah, that’s something Mary would do – lose a towel. That’s what a slob she is. Anyone who can’t find a towel, especially one like that, lives in major clutter. Leave it to Mary to be that disorganized and unable to find things. Just like Tom can’t find anything in his office. And Mary’s place isn’t just a mess, it’s filthy!

I also got a pair of colorful gloves for a couple of bucks. They’re knit gloves that are small and said to stretch to fit anyone. They help keep my hands from feeling chafed while I row, but I do the exercises without them.

I got strawberry-kiwi lip gloss in a shiny tube, a puzzle with palm trees and flowering bushes, two pairs of panties, and a sports bra.

Tom said he saw rubber spiders and rubber rats but forgot to show them to me (we had split up for a while).

On our way back through all the cloud coverage, we could see individual storm cells, as Tom said they’re called. Even though it’s still cloudy out, it looks like the storms could be over, although there’s no way to know for sure at this point. I hope they are over. I’d like to sleep tonight, seeing how I’ve got my dentist appointment tomorrow, and how it’d be safer to drive in drier weather.

More annoying commercials – they have this stuff to kill mice for those who consider them pests, but what about stuff to kill dogs that some of us consider pests? You know, as in a couple of collies that barked non-stop and probably still do? I’m not there anymore, though, so you never know.

Yes, Dan’s definitely over there. He was quiet yesterday, thanks to the storms, but Friday night he gave us an engine-gunning spree. The gunning didn’t go on for hours, but long enough to be annoying and to tell me he was there. Also, the ‘for sale’ sign says the place is for sale by owner. Well, the owner kind of has to be there in order to sell it by the owner, don’t they? As long as we don’t get anything worse in there, I’m glad his place is up for sale. He needs to go. Tom says the place will take years to sell, but I doubt that. Especially if God’s planning on sending us noisier assholes to live over there, like he loves to do, so it’ll depend on how desperate he is to stick the same old shit near me.

I’m pretty sure I also heard music a few times Friday night too (that’s what I get for bragging about how quiet it’s been), but I’m not sure if all of it came from Dan. It could’ve been bangers cruising around.

Later...

He doesn’t get it. He just doesn’t get it. As soon as he said there was nothing to deal with today, I knew he didn’t get it. I was stressing big time about the fucking freeloaders (if I’m this stressed out a week in advance, imagine how I’ll be next weekend)! and they were on my nerves so much that I could barely concentrate on making chili mac and pudding for Tom. I don’t know, he just comes off as being as non-empathetic as he was when I wanted a kid really bad and it bothers me. It even hurts to know he doesn’t feel an ounce of anger towards these freeloaders for what they’ve put me through. He said being angry wouldn’t help things, but how can he not feel a bit of anger towards these fucking assholes? How could I not feel anger towards anyone who hurt him? What should I do if someone decided to strangle Houdini? Say, “Oh, well. Getting angry won’t change or help anything.” Is that what I should say? I don’t think so! I envy Tom and his ability to control his emotions, but I can’t just click off and ignore things I can’t or don’t want to deal with or that can’t be changed as he can. And to say there’s nothing to deal with today – ha! For who? For him maybe, but for me – I have to deal with all this stress these freeloaders continue to cause me as if we all still lived together as one big miserable bunch.

I tried calling Paula like I said I would this weekend, but got no answer. I left a message.

I came up with a brilliant idea the other night; to take pictures off the TV from frozen videos. I tried to pause videos and take pictures from the other TV, but it wouldn’t work. The glare I got off the glass made it look too washed out, but because this is a plastic screen, you don’t get a glare from it. The pictures don’t look great, but they look good enough. I took some still shots of Kate the other night.

Later…

Tom just went out to see when the next storm will come. No doubt when I’m asleep. Anyway, he said there’s a flash flood watch in effect, and that some places got really bad flooding.

Tom said that just because he doesn’t always show his emotions doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. I envy him! How I wish I was like him, not showing my emotions. I wish I didn’t feel the need to express my emotions and concerns cuz most of the time it just causes trouble. He said he chooses to be the way he is. Why can’t I choose to be the way I want to be? What blessed him with such control? He does it a little too well if you ask me. Sometimes it makes me feel like he has no feelings, no empathy, and like he’s trying to hide things.

Tom came back in saying that it may not rain if it keeps going in the direction it’s going in.

Later…

Tom’s in bed now. He went to bed early so he could get up earlier. Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with any boring bed sessions. He took advantage of my stress, as I hoped he would, to bail his own disinterested self out of it.