Went into the city yesterday as planned. At least we made it one way without getting held up. On the way back, we went through Lavene and got slowed by a creeper, but we cruised right into the city the airport way. I like going by Sky Harbor Airport and seeing the planes fly over the freeway. I can sometimes see them land too, if the angle and timing are just right and there are no trucks blocking my view.

No one was there when we got in, and Tom hung out with me for nearly an hour before he left. Other than the dog barking out back, the obnoxious parakeets, and the stench of dog piss, it was quiet. Of course it was quiet; I don’t live there.

Dave stopped in for a quick lunch after we arrived and he left right after Tom left to get Mom at daycare and take her to get her stitches out. While I was alone I played solitaire on the computer, cuz I couldn’t find their tiles game on either computer. I also left Mary a surprise document in her word processor. Just a few sentences saying hi, guess who this is, etc.

I chatted with Mom when she got in while Tom checked their computer network, then we left. She gave us 10:00, which we spent on junk at Circle K, and her suitcase and toilet thing. The toilet thing raises her up cuz she can’t bend her knees well. Guess she must be anxious to visit since she’s already packed.

I also just had to get a little bit of a flow when we screwed and went out. I had cramps on the way into the city, so I swallowed some ibuprofen without water in the car, so I wouldn’t have to wait longer. But why does it always have to happen when we screw or go out? Last time it was when I went to Helen’s that I had to flow. Before that, it was during sex and then in July, it was jail. I don’t have sex that often nor do I go out that often, so can’t I ever rag when I’m home and not having sex?! Besides, how can I hide my flows from him, however wimpy they may be, when he gets blood on himself and the sheets? Does something up there want him to know when I’m flowing? Well, I’d prefer that he didn’t know. When he knows, he tends to play games more when I’m mid-cycle. I tried to blame the blood on irritation (which I truly did have, as always) and I tried to blame the cramps on a pulled muscle, but I don’t know if he bought it. If I was gonna be mid-cycle, as screwy as my cycles are, during the middle of the week, that’d be one thing. But if it hits a Sunday, then all the more I might have to deal with his games. You know, the one where he suddenly forgets how to screw. I hate going through the bullshit motions for nothing, and he’s terrified in bed as it is, so sterile or not, no man that terrified of making a kid wants to get within inches of a possibly ovulating woman.

He got slightly playful on Sunday. I could be wrong, but I think he was trying to get me to think we were gonna screw at certain times on Sunday, only to be let down. When is this guy gonna wake up and see that it’s no disappointment to me and that it hasn’t been for years and that he’s playing his own games with himself, if that’s truly what he was trying to do? And by the way, now he says he likes sex when it’s not too dark out, but not too light either, like when the sun’s setting or rising. My only surprise this weekend was the time of day we got together. I expected to screw Monday, but not in the morning like we did. His bullshit excuse for his slow movements, which I know was to keep from cumming, was back pain. Yeah, something always hurts, doesn’t it? Then he says he’s gonna start doing exercises for that, but do you know how many times I’ve heard that? And so what if he does start doing exercises for that? He’ll only quit. I’m just so tired of the same old, same old, and the same goddamn lame excuses that he does nothing about. He does nothing to help himself cuz he just doesn’t want to be helped.

We agreed we’d sleep together this weekend while his mother’s here, but I know that’ll be a disaster. Nothing’s changed with that; I’m still the lightest sleeper in the world, and God won’t be there to help. Heaven forbid Jodi S should be normal in any kind of intimate way. The slightest movement – I’ll wake right up. The slightest sound – I’ll wake right up. I’ll either have to end up crawling into the retreat on my exercise mat, or he’ll have to crawl in there to sleep on the airbed if we can find the stuff to patch the hole Houdini made in it.

Speaking of Houdini, he was acting like a weekend rat, as usual. He just doesn’t like Tom. For some reason, he’s scared of him. I guess it’s cuz Tom doesn’t feed and handle him like I do. Anyway, on weekends, he’s reluctant to come out and run around. I have to coax him out and take him out myself usually. But during the week when he knows he’s gone, out he comes on his own. He used to come out at night after Tom went to bed, but now he comes out for an hour or two when I get up after he’s been gone for a few hours.

Later...

I just tried calling Paula, but couldn’t get through to her. I was going to call her this weekend, but cuz of Mom’s visit, I thought I’d call today, but all I get is static after one ring. I could get the message I left Tom just fine, as well as his call telling me he’d be late, so I guess the problem is on her end. Anyway, I’m sure she’ll call this weekend because if I remember right, she’s a weekend caller for the most part.

Mary wrote my character letter saying she’s known me for years, I’m kind and considerate, she’s been a guest in my house and treated well, I love animals and collect dolls. I’m surprised she mentioned the dolls. What do dolls have to do with my character? Nonetheless, the letter was well-written and articulate.