Yesterday morning I was so stressed out. In fact, I stressed down to 119 pounds, thanks to the freeloaders. How can I take another two years of being their victim? How?! Aaarrrggghhh!!!

It was 7 AM. I’d been up 19 hours and was wondering how I could flip my schedule by Friday. If I can’t see Scot on Friday, I could always see him next Friday in Casa Grande. It’s just that there, in an office where POs work, I’d be risking having to pee with a witness. I managed to stay up 23 hours with the help of lots of coffee, but it wasn’t just stress that kept me up so long. As tired as I was, I’d be wary of falling asleep, knowing he could come pounding on the door, or they could be booming by. The rain, though, is what I think kept these things from happening.

Oh, what these freeloaders have done to my life! Yes, it could be worse, but this is bad enough, and my anger and frustration are further fueled by knowing God’s protecting these people. I’d bet my favorite dolls that their lives have been absolutely wonderful since the day I was sentenced, and probably even sooner.

I wish Scot would hurry up and get his ass over here to ask me the same damn questions so I could know that that’d be one less thing to bug me for a few months or so since I doubt he’d start coming more often. You never know, though. Never underestimate the system or the people in it! Anyway, I don’t care what he thinks or what he writes about me. He can call me anything from jumpy to crazy. He can love me or he can hate me. It’s what he does that matters, and again, he’d only be hurting himself to get at me. He wouldn’t know that, though, so I guess he’d just have to find that out the hard way. From the way he acts, though, and the things he’s said, I’d say he’d like to keep his job. He seems every bit of a dedicated professional as Teddy Bear.

My knees ache more when it rains (it’s a good thing this isn’t MA) so it makes me think it’s the joints that are the problem.

Anyway, Tom copied all my MP3 files and this morning when he gets up, we’ll hook a computer up to my stereo. I think I’m really going to enjoy this new setup much better than the last. I’m glad I didn’t get a CD changer or an MP3 changer. I’m also glad I didn’t get Marisa, and I probably never will.

Yes, I’ve got major doll news. The night before last, I was browsing lifelike doll sites just out of curiosity when I came across this spectacular Indian doll called Joy. She’s a commercial mold and has been made up as a black doll, an Asian doll, even a blond. As always, though, I prefer dark eyes and long straight dark hair, and will probably get her made up as either Indian or Asian. The cheapest we could find her was $250. I just wish to hell I had a job so I could get things like this more often! No sense in dwelling on what can’t be, though. So, I plan to save up for her, but for now, I’ve decided to spend my birthday/Christmas money on what I found last night.

I came across a site called Paradise Galleries and couldn’t believe the prices their lifelikes were selling for! They had dolls just as big and as realistic as Bailey that I thought would be $200 - $300, but they were $60! They had Indian dolls like my $125 Pine Leaf and Sacajawea for $40, and ballerinas on musical stands that twirl like my $100 Patrice and Colette for just an incredible $25!

Anyway, I chose 3 dolls very unlike any I have pose-wise. One lays on her stomach with her knees bent upward. She’s a fairy doll named Twinkle in a pink outfit. She’s a 22” with blond hair and blue eyes. You can see her front upper teeth really well. I’ve always wanted a “toothy” doll like Joy, who has a huge smile that shows 6 upper teeth and 10 lower.

I also chose a couple of Indian dolls. A 22” kneeling doll (Praying Spirit) whose eyes are riveted upward with her hands clasped in prayer, and a 19” sitting Indian doll (Spirit of the Sky). Her pose is similar to Marisa’s.

Slowly but surely, I’m going to replace my cheapies with lifelike dolls. As it is, I’ve got about 7 phonies packed away.

Nowadays I prefer dolls that aren’t too big cuz then they get to be a bitch. A 32” doll like Jade is a bit small for the floor, yet too big for furniture.

Later…

We got the computer set up that’s to be my little music station. It’s great, but the sound needs improvement. It’s a little muffled. Tom said he has other sound cards of better quality.

Instead of going into a directory with folders to play music, I put my music folders directly on my desktop. I have them grouped two letters at a time, like a-b, c-d, etc., though Linda and Gloria have their own folders.

Paula left me a message saying she did send the doll, but she didn’t say when. She also said she didn’t like the tape because a lot of the songs were too slow. She should’ve told me this when I asked her what she wanted. Instead, she told me to surprise her. She said she could send the tapes back, but I told her she didn’t have to do that.

It was drizzling a bit. It’s quite damp out there now and there’s some fog, too. It’s been cold. It was 35° early this morning. I just wish we had some woods out here! That’d block sound and give us more privacy.