Not surprisingly, Kathy’s shit has started back up again after a few days of silence. I guess she’s my official replacement for Kim unless Kim’s doing a great job of making any of the anonymous questions I get seem like they’re not from her. Her brother – or at least supposedly her brother – asked: why you gotz to be hatin on my sis beeyatch?

I know I shouldn’t feed the trolls and should probably have ignored the “question,” but instead I deleted it and re-asked myself the same question only I changed it to: why you gotz to be hatin on my sis beeyatch?

LOL, I replied with: I’m married, buddy. I look, I flirt, but I definitely don’t date.

This will really fuck with their heads. Hopefully, they’ll think they made a typo. Hahaha

Later…

Nothing from Kathy and her cronies today. Alison said she almost never talks to her but that’s ok because she’s tried to reach out to her before just to be ignored. Well, as I’ve learned, Kathy is a very spoiled, selfish person, so if there’s nothing for her to gain by being closer to Aly, then she won’t bother. I’m kind of hoping she and her family will be too busy to pester people once the kid is born. Why dump someone, though, if you don’t want anything to do with them? I still can’t believe she of all people would dump someone, and then harass them! I’d seen her harass Molly, but that was different, or so I thought. That was her picking on a stalker, not someone she dumped for not being a God-lover.

Aly’s still struggling with skin issues, anemia, insomnia and depression. Others tell her to just “smile” and think “happy thoughts.” God, the day it’s that easy, no one will ever be depressed again! Really, that’s like telling a gay person to just not be attracted to the same sex.

Andy has a form of asthma and has to use inhalers. This sucks, but it’s better than having cancer. Tom has exercise-induced asthma. Strenuous activity can cause him to have a tough time breathing.

Someone on Ask told me that the older I get, the more selfish I get. Gosh, I hope so! I would hope I’ve matured, grown and smartened up enough not to be so damn naïve, trusting and forgiving as I once was. As I told them, I would still help a friend in need, of course, but would be more selective about who I did what for. Sometimes our generosity is taken advantage of and this causes us to be less generous, thus giving the impression we’re stingy. Being too trusting, forgiving and generous can really get us in trouble if we’re not careful. I’ll still help the old lady cross the street, but I won’t give money to the guy on the street and take his word for it that he’ll get the food he needs with it. For all I know that “food” is really drugs, alcohol or cigarettes.

I think most of us become more selfish with age as we lose our sensitivity and care less about what others think of us, how we look, etc.

I get the impression this is someone who’s been reading quite a bit of my journal but won’t identify themselves because it’s someone who knows they’re not supposed to be contacting me. Either that or they’re afraid of me for some reason. Ah, but I don’t bite, so hopefully they’ll step out of the shadows and introduce themselves sometime.

As the move approaches, we begin the last of the last. Last sheet change, last period, last this, last that. I’m so excited and nervous, but fortunately, I’m much more excited.

Can’t wait to be more active and go back to dieting even if it means having to deal with constant hunger again. I once prayed for any God that may be up there and that may hear me to please help me help myself by giving me more strength not to cave into the hunger or take shortcuts with working out, but was ignored, of course. So I stopped talking and started doing, knowing I was on my own, as always. Still not sure, though, if there once was a God who abandoned us and that’s why prayer is just wishful thinking for most of us and why so many people have such shitty lives, or if there is one and it’s just playing favorites. I know some people think it’s the devil that does evil and not God, but if God’s supposed to be the most powerful thing, then why doesn’t He overthrow the devil? Hmm… I gotta go with there being a God that created the universe and the things in it, but that doesn’t have any influence over our day-to-day lives.

BUT… the timing of the job was way too coincidental. I have a feeling that if anything up there did lead us on the road to death, it wasn’t the same thing that saved us for why would you push someone so far into the dark just to yank them out of it at the end? What happened to us was literally like falling from the sky with no parachute just to have a giant hand reach out and catch us as we were about to hit the ground. Things were THAT close to over for us. I don’t know what saved us in the end. I only know it wasn’t God. I don’t know how I know it, though. Just a gut feeling, I guess.

Ok, I should quit analyzing and guessing things none of us can ever know for sure anyway, and go hit the shower.