Why is letting go so damn hard for so many people? When Kathy dropped me like a hot potato for not being a God worshiper and for daring to tell her that none of my prayers were answered way back when I assumed that meant she was done with me and didn’t want anything to do with me. Period. Instead, she’s taken Molly and Kim’s place (with the help of others) to harass me on various sites and I don’t understand why. Why can’t she just let me go if she hated me enough to drop me in the first place? Even if she came out and apologized for being so narrow-minded, intolerant and unable to accept me as I am, I would probably accept the apology, but wouldn’t want to resume our friendship because I would feel I couldn’t trust her or confide in her. Obviously, she must truly feel sorry and have some regrets for throwing me away like that or else she wouldn’t be holding on like she is, even if it’s through others. Why else would she be unable to let go if it wasn’t for missing me and for regretting that she tossed me away like that?

Well, I’m sure that if she doesn’t read this, someone she knows will. So hopefully they’ll tell her that I’m sorry she’s sorry, but no hard feelings at this point, ok? Let’s just move on like two mature, civilized adults instead of hanging on to what once was and will never be again. You may have a lot of time on your hands, Kathy, but you’ve got your life and I’ve got mine and I really thought you were better than that. Playing a few pranks on someone who did shit to you like others have is one thing, but I never did anything to you other than tell you what you didn’t believe or want to hear. No one can or will agree on everything and you should be smart enough to know that. I’m surprised at you, Kathy, really, I am. I thought you were above and beyond these childish tactics. After all, you’re the one who dumped me. Well, why’d you dump me if you knew you couldn’t let go? And why follow my blog and other sites if you were so sure you didn’t want to continue on as friends?

As I used to tell Kim and Molly before Molly got kicked offline and I got Kim in trouble, let’s just ignore each other and go our separate ways, ok? We have nothing to offer each other. You hanging onto me and contacting me through your friends is not only pointless, but it only makes me think you’re sorry and want to be friends again. Why don’t we just strike a truce instead? You don’t contact me and I won’t contact you, ok? Really, I wish you and yours the best in life but I really don’t want to hear from you again and I don’t want to have to call your local PD either. Again, I really thought you were better than that and wouldn’t waste time on people you supposedly dislike. There are plenty of other people to focus on in a positive way. So I’m asking you to please just ignore me, ok? If you really are having a kid that should be what you should be focusing your time and attention on, not those you’re no longer friends with. So… goodbye and good luck!

Yesterday was a whopping 106°! The Jes pest was hammering at 8:30 yesterday morning and I just heard some now at 9:30. I’m guessing he’s going to drive me batshit crazy next week with the weeding and other prepping projects he may have in mind to do along with his own. I really hope the next people aren’t home much or at least don’t mind that this cock is always, always outside.

Still not sure if I’ll continue blogging publicly and which blogs I’ll use if I do, but I’m not going to decide that till the move.

The connection we’ll have will be 30 times faster than what we have now!

It’s hard to believe that in just 20 days we’re going to walk on out of here. Alive and well. Yes, the two people who were pushed to the brink of death and seemingly destined to go out in body bags will walk out of here alive and in one piece. Damn, life is amazing at times!

It was this day 21 years ago that I left New England, never ever to return again. I was skinny and I could see without glasses, but I didn’t have the love and the wisdom I do now. No matter how much any God has hated me or will continue to hate me, I will always be loved by Tom and others as well. Unless He kills them all, that’s one thing He can never take away from me like He took away my right to a decent childhood and so much more both as a child and as an adult.

I was remembering how my second foster mother starved me down to just 85 pounds. That alone is enough to let a person know they are hated from above, but thanks to my foster sister (she knows who she is) I was able to escape that place with my life as well cuz she was a lot bigger and tougher than I was. LOL, still is, too. But I escaped the same as I will this place after God let the economy damn near kill Tom and I both. Funny cuz His “killer economy” is also what dropped these 50K houses down to 28K, making it much easier for us to follow the yellow brick road home.

I’m standing there now on the very edge of that road, a place I never dared dream I would ever stand at any time again in my life. I’m not going to walk down this road as soon as we sign the papers and receive the keys. I’m going to run like hell down it as if the ghost of my evil mother is chasing me!

Later…

“If God hates you why would the police care about you?” Kathy asked me on Ask.

If God loves her why would the police NOT care about her? How does she know that if she doesn’t stop her relentless harassment done anonymously or through bogus email addies the cops won’t care enough about HER and putting a stop to it? Yeah, she should think about that, shouldn’t she?

I didn’t read her “feedback” on MD but saw the bogus addy in the email alert I got. I won’t be picking up any more feedback there no matter who it says it’s from, so if this angry and possibly still pregnant bitch doesn’t have anything better to do than waste time spewing all this hate that I still can’t fathom for the life of me (because I disagree on God?), then let her waste her time and let her set a wonderful example for the rugrat. It’s her time, isn’t it? I almost hope the miscarriage rumors aren’t true, cuz then she wouldn’t have much time to harass people online so much, would she, if she’s bogged down with a kid? Meanwhile, she’s welcome to start her own blog saying every mean, nasty, untrue and imagined thing she wants about me, but I’m not going to read her vicious delusions and childish gibberish that come in here anymore.

I had no idea Kathy was such an angry person. Where did all this hate, anger and immaturity come from? And WHY? Because I don’t agree with her on God? What’s she gonna do if she does have kids and they turn out atheist or something? Is she gonna dump them and then harass them every chance she gets?

Well, I’m not running! I’m not going to make any of my blogs private unless I decide to, and if I do, it will have nothing to do with Kathy.

I asked her nicely to please let me go. After all, she’s the one that dumped me. This is the first stalker I’ve ever had who’s not only supposedly sane despite how angry she is, but who dumped me first. So if she dumped me then why is she still hanging on? If I’m that horrible of a person, why bother? Isn’t the normal thing to do when you don’t like someone to just ignore them?

Or maybe I’m missing the point. Maybe this isn’t hate for my own hate for God. Maybe she had a thing for me all along and I just never knew it. This type of behavior is also typical of a “scorned lover” or a crush. I’ve done enough studying on bullies and whatnot. Maybe she’s had or came to have a crush on me, can’t handle it cuz she’s so conservative, and it’s freaking her out and into lashing out at me. Unfamiliar feelings can really make a person uncomfortable and do strange things. Who can ever know for sure what goes through these nutjob’s minds? All I do know for sure is that the “stable, kind, sweet, caring, sensitive, accepting, tolerant, open-minded” Kathy doesn’t exist. Sure thought she did for a while, though, but thinking back on how we played with Molly; that was far from her first time based on what she told me. “I never tell Aly when I fuck with Molly,” she had told me, obviously not wanting her to know. But now that she’s so coldly dumped me and then started harassing me (for whatever reason) I don’t feel obligated to keep her dirty little secrets. The point is, she’s obviously been into cyberbullying on and off for some time now cuz she and Molly go WAY back.

Presently, I wonder if she’s having a breakdown of some kind that’s causing her to behave this way. If she really did miscarry then maybe it’s making her feel better to lash out at anyone and everyone, and what better person to take it out on than the person who dared to confide in her and admit she’s no fan of God’s and has no respect, faith or love for the bastard whatsoever. Can’t like God as long as He puts angry trolls like Kathy on this earth.

Well, she may not be done with me, but I’M done with HER. I’m not going to give this sicko the negative attention it craves anymore than I would with other trolls! Sometimes we just gotta end what others won’t. I’m not going to delete past mentions of her here. After all, this is a diary, journal, blog - whatever you want to call it. But I think I might wipe her out of my Ask Q&A’s.

Later…

I told Aly what was going on and she asked about it, too. I asked if there was any Kathy info she could give me that she thought might be helpful in getting this bitch off my ass. I told her I was going to try ignoring her shit for now. Ask is back to non-anonymous and I’m not going to update MD with current stuff for a while. What’s scary is that she’s following my old stuff. Past, backdated entries, I mean. That’s not easy to do unless you specifically look for certain dates or catch it on the stream. You can have MD notify you when diaries are updated (if you’re a registered member), but it doesn’t link you to the entries themselves. Oh, wait a minute! She’s subbied to the RSS feed.

It’s way cooler today than it was yesterday. Yesterday we had the cooler on high for hours, but today it’s on low and is cycling on and off. Tomorrow’s supposed to be even cooler, making a nearly 30-degree drop in two days.

Later…

Got some interesting feedback for a change from… Mrs. M? They used a bogus addy and didn’t sign their name. Well, of course, right? rolls eyes Why are so many people afraid or at least reluctant to face me? I don’t bite. Really, I don’t. Whoever it was said: Paranoid schizophrenic. Not totally. But enough. No harm meant. Just an observation after reading for a long time. Knew the house was yours. Enjoy. But you will find reasons to complain. No half-full glass for you. But you, do you, really well. You are so lonely I could cry. Be well, and prosper. These are the good ole’ days. Peace. ~B~

LOL. Hey, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you, as the old saying goes. But yeah, I’ve got a degree of paranoia in me. Always have. When you’re afraid to go home after school for fear of your mother smacking the shit out of you, it has a way of instilling paranoia in you. Not saying this to try to make anyone feel sorry for me, but just making a point.

And yeah, I’m a complainer. Why? Well, I guess the “experts” may be inclined to say that it’s probably because I was forced to stifle my emotions as a child and therefore I feel compelled to let it all out, so to speak, as an adult. And you know what? I’m not going to stop, and I make no apologies for the way I am. As long as I don’t break any laws, then I can be the biggest complainer, bitch and paranoid schizo on earth. :) Without any guilt or shame.

What I don’t get is the “You are so lonely I could cry” line. She said she’s been reading for a long time, so shouldn’t she know I’m married? But married and lonely? I suppose some wives could feel that way if they’re neglected enough, but I’m far from neglected and lonely. :)

Well, thanks for the complisults, and you’re right, I do me well and I’m proud of it, too. :)

Again I wonder if it could be Mrs. M, but she supposedly hates my guts so why would she want to follow my blog? Then again, that’s what I wondered with a few others who have expressed their profound hatred for me as well. I seem to attract just as many readers and followers who don’t like me as I do who do like me. I always did say, you either love me or you hate me. There’s rarely an in-between and people don’t usually just like me. That’s the way it usually is with me. I guess I’m an addiction of sorts.

Do I hate Mrs. M? Nah. I don’t like how it took her forever to get a certain someone offline and into the help they need, but better later than never. She may be well educated, but she’s kinda scary and so I would prefer to stay away from her and like it when she does the same. I appreciate the well wishes (if they’re sincere), but now it’s onward and through the fog… to fill my half-empty water glass. No, no, no! I meant my half-full water glass! I really did. I swear!