What kind of barking, hammering and landscaping will I be in for today? Well, I didn’t hear any landscaping or home improvements going on yesterday, but I can’t fucking believe they let their dog bark on and off for 3 hours, even though I can. All good things really come to an end for us, and this mutt will probably be hanging out there during the daytime till it gets really hot. 

Without giving my name, I left a message at the office while they were out to lunch, and gave them the house number. I doubt they’ll do anything about it, though, and will probably just consider it regular daytime noise. I’m not going to complain again, though. I’ll just do what I do when the landscapers start up (though I’d rather that than barking any day), and hit the sound machine on. Maybe others will complain, but I doubt it. Maybe if it barked 8 hours a day they would, but I can’t see it getting that bad. Gosh, I hope not! 

Oh shit. It looks like they came to work on the house they were last working on. I gotta get back on nights. I really do. 

Later… 

I was too excited to break the good news last night, but let me just kick on the sound machine so I don’t have to hear whatever home improvement projects, barking and landscaping that may occur today, then I’ll get on with it. 

If only, I would think to myself. If only I could just win enough money to cover the cost of new floors and carpets, the most expensive of the upgrades we want to do. That way we still may have to take out a loan to get another car, but the rest of the projects would be relatively cheap compared to carpet and flooring so long as we didn’t try to do it all at once. A little here and a little there. That’s why we didn’t get curtains for the entire living and dining area. We got curtains for the side windows. Depending on how those look, we’ll eventually do the front. But just enough to do the floors would be heavenly! 

And then I saw I had a message from Tammy. In it, she didn’t explain why, but she said I needed to call Walter, the attorney who handled my parents’ estate after they died. Her tone sounded almost annoyed, so we figured it was just to sign some form I needed to sign and that’s all. 

“If they screwed up and overpaid me, I’m not paying back a penny of that abusive bitch’s money,” I told Tom determinedly. 

Since it’s been nearly a year, Tom said he doubted it’d take them this long to realize they overpaid me and are usually pretty good about that sort of thing anyway. 

I agreed, though I also knew he wasn’t calling to tell me more money was on its way even though the legal documents stated something to the effect of a small amount possibly to be added in addition, though it was unlikely. 

Wrong! I’ve got thousands on the way thanks to a tax filing error. I emailed him my new address and SS# which he asked for, though I’m not exactly sure how much the check will be. He said 10k, but is that the total? Or is that what I’m to get? I think it’s the total. For it to be my share would mean the total was something like 25k and that seems a bit extreme. Still, 4k would easily take care of these floors! Still not sure what we’re going to install where, but we have between now and when we get the money to decide. 

Still don’t like that my 4 nieces are getting 15%. 5 or 10 would’ve been more reasonable. But it is still an unexpected surprise that I also see as a wonderful bonus. Had the will been done up like most wills, their grandkids would get nothing and their kids would have to split it equally which means I’d get a third of the money and not 40%. Worse would be knowing that Larry’s child-woman would be about to make even more money that should rightfully be mine. 

“I’m happy for you. It still hurts that I lost 15k to trips to Florida before Mom died. At least you are getting what you deserve,” Tammy told me on Facebook. 

Hmm… really? Well, first of all, one can’t put a price on abuse, and second of all, is she trying to make me feel guilty or drop hints about sharing some with her? She told me last year not to feel guilty and that she specifically told Walter she and Mark were doing ok and that she wanted me to have her share, but now??? Has anything changed? I know she and Mark aren’t doing as good as they used to because of their physical ailments, and I also know people don’t always quite mean what they say. “Don’t feel bad,” can really mean, “You should feel bad.” “I’m not trying to offend you,” can really mean “I hope you’re offended or at least a bit annoyed.” 

I’m not saying she’s deliberately lying or denying how she truly feels or what her true intentions are, but I think that sometimes some people aren’t as over the past as they may think they are and can subconsciously do little things here and there to insult others that they may not realize are smart enough and perceptive enough to pick up on. So she may say she doesn’t want me to feel guilty about the money and she may think she means that, but maybe deep down she doesn’t. Or maybe things have changed since she first told me this. Either way, the money’s mine and I have a hard time feeling guilty about it cuz I still think she and Mark have a lot more money than we do, and again, what she and Bill did 15 years ago by paving the way for the blacks to get to us cost us way more than my parents’ (or anyone’s) money could ever repay. 

I hope this exciting event spawns more good things. You know how good things seem to happen in groups same as bad things? Well, hopefully, more good things are to come, like Tom getting the huge salary he deserves instead of the petty change he’ll probably receive for a raise next month. I had dreams of winning money twice, though I’m not sure what the amount was that I won. It was the same amount both times. $400? $800? 

I also dreamed I saw my nieces, but one went from a tall brunette to a short blond, LOL. 

Had a nice run earlier. The sun was warm but the wind was cool. Someone had a Hawaii plate with the Kauai Island on it on their golf cart, so I saw, and next door’s got beautiful reddish-pink flowers in back. 

Most of the people here are well off, so the Hawaii plate doesn’t surprise me. That’s where most people here vacation. 

I’m not one to get jealous or envious of others very easily. My attitude is that if someone’s got something I want that bad, why not go out and get it myself? Granted I can’t just get anything and everything I want, but I can usually achieve most of my goals, which makes the few I can’t accomplish easy enough to live with. It balances out for the most part. No, my weight can’t be lost due to hypothyroidism, but I can maintain my weight. My German grammar will probably never be very good, but I can still get my point across. 

Despite being able to accept my shortcomings while managing to nab most of what I want, when I read about this woman who moved to Hawaii and how much she loves it and what she’s able to do every day, I certainly felt a twinge of envy! It’s a good thing Florida is not only way cheaper than Hawaii but similar enough in climate because that’s where we may end up 15 years or so from now. 

I shared an article about yet another corrupt pig gone bad on Facebook, and sure enough, a pig appeared as one of Andy’s latest profile pics. And his pics are never meant to annoy or evoke jealousy in me, right? Sometimes I wonder if he has his own deep desire to annoy people he otherwise cares for. 

Later… 

This is the second day in less than a week that I’ve heard a chainsaw off in the distance. What am I, back in Auburn again? 

Anyway, hypothyroidism is a shitty disease. You have little control over your weight and your hair thins out. This is beyond normal thinning we all experience with age. I could afford to lose what I’ve lost because I had thick hair. But if I lose much more I’m going to start having bald spots. Being fat is one thing. I’ve been fat for years, you really do get used to it, and it’s no big deal so long as you’re not seriously obese. But bald? I really don’t want to lose any more hair and start looking like a cancer patient! 

I doubt I will, though I do have my doubts about this medication. Like most things, it seemed to help a bit at first, but now I’m not so sure. Like Tom said, though, there are other thyroid medications, so if this doesn’t help they can maybe switch it or adjust the dosage. 

I just thank goodness it isn’t cancer or some horrible disease like that. I don’t think I could handle that.

Both my new drapes and my metal skating silhouettes are to arrive tomorrow – yes!