Still nervous about Monday’s appointment. It’s like I want to just get it over with but I also never want Monday to arrive. I almost feel like a kid being sent to the principal, LOL. I know what she’s going to say and it’s not going to be what I want to hear. 

No racket next door yesterday, but I’d be willing to bet just about anything that he’ll work on his damn walkway sometime over the next few days. This is a 3-day weekend for Tom, too. It’s going to alternate between 3 and 2 over the next few weeks. 

Not sure what we’re doing this weekend, but I am sure we’re changing the rats’ cage later and going out on the bikes. Monday, as we go to leave for the appointment, we’ll be bombing the place. We’ve seen some pretty big, fat and scary-looking spiders in here. The day before, we’ll bomb the shed, as that’s where the rats go when we bomb. 

Tammy called to ask what sweepstakes site I used to use. Not sure why she didn’t just ask on Facebook, but at least I got to hear that she sounds pretty good. It had been a while since I’ve heard from her anywhere. I knew she was busy with the new house, but didn’t know if she’d been sick or what. They do testing on her every few months and she has her good days and her bad, she says. I just wish she and Mark would get off the damn cigarettes. She’ll never be perfect if she quits, but she’ll be a million times better. 

Later… 

So we go out on the bikes (it’s freezing out!), pass Bob, I say hello, and he ignores me. Fine, cock. Be that way. 

Either way, I know I could go over there and make peace with them, but I’m not going to apologize for what I’m not sorry for. I would rather disagree and not speak than speak after I told them what they wanted to hear. If we were the same age and both planned to be here forever, that might be different. For now, he makes more noise than he needs to being just a few yards away from someone else’s house. Other than the contractor, no one else has made a fraction of the noise he’s made, so there’s no need or excuse for a lot of it. He chooses to do what he does and not consider those around him. When Virginia told him to ask if we could hear them doing laundry in the early mornings, he didn’t forget to ask us. It’s quite obvious that he didn’t ask us cuz he simply didn’t care. A lot of people are just like that. 

He’ll either move on in time or forever hold his grudge, probably the latter. The more I’ve gotten to know him, the more I see that they’re not the nice people I thought they were, especially him. I don’t need the “grumpy old man” shit in my life and so I’ll just ignore him back. I also don’t trust my temper either. If he says anything rude to me I’m gonna want to pop him, and I’m not going to jail for this cock just to lose my freedom, be denied my meds for who knows how long, and then have to pay a fortune. Really, I hate it when people get all pissy-assed when you let them know they’re annoying you. His wife wanted to know if they were disturbing us and I told him. I just don’t get that or why some people take things so wrong and act like you’re making an unreasonable statement or request of them. If I didn’t know any better I’d think the freeloaders in Phoenix were asked not to breathe. Meanwhile, this one’s old, it can’t be out and about that many more years, and I’m not going to let it get to me. 

Jim did say hello to us as we passed him afterward, which kind of surprised me. I would think that Bob would be quick to tell him that he now hates me and therefore he would ignore us too, but I guess not. 

Later… 

Looks like we’re back to the afternoon net games. The net just cut out when I was trying to tweet about my throat pain. Oh, and sure enough, the cock next door just started hammering. It’s not as loud as last time, but I’m sure it’ll pick up in volume and annoyance soon enough. So far I only heard like a dozen strikes, but give it time. 

As Aly pointed out, it could be that he didn’t notice me or was simply lost in thought and that may be why he didn’t at least appear to acknowledge my greeting. The guy is also hard of hearing, but I don’t care. I just don’t care. 

I am a little worried that if he’s turned against me, he’s going to turn against Tom, too. It would be incredibly rude of him to ignore Tom should they see each other outdoors, but that’s not the main point. It’s not that Tom would fall apart with a broken heart if Bob failed to return a hello, but if Bob ignores him, he may think something bad is going on other than my being annoyed by the old fart. 

Anyway, I have this mysterious throat pain when I swallow that’s similar to when I took Prozac. Swollen lymph glands and ear infections can cause this, I just read, along with some other things. It’s common. I don’t feel like I have an ear infection, though I can say I haven’t felt as energetic lately. At the same time, I’ve been up 18-19 hours the last few days. Hopefully, I’m just nervous about my appointment and Andy waking up for the second day in a row with a bad vibe concerning my health is just a coincidence. He told me about this before I even mentioned my throat pain. Chances are, nothing new is wrong with me and he’s just picking up on my appointment nervousness. 

While I’m thrilled for Tom and Andy that their problems are minimal, and while I know it’s a waste of time comparing, I can’t help but wonder why. Why have they got 1-2 conditions while I’ve got 6 or 7? Andy has high cholesterol and sleep issues, and Tom has just high BP. But I have the ear, asthma, allergies, a sleep disorder, a dead thyroid and high cholesterol. I guess I won’t count the ingrown toenail since that’s no longer an ongoing thing. 

Just saw next door’s SUV leave. Shit, it’s just Virginia. Figures. Let me guess… Bob’s about to get louder now, right? 

I do worry about encountering a whole new health problem if they can ever safely get my thyroid stuff where it should be. The only issue I have with last year’s trauma (besides the PTSD I’ve suffered on account of it) is that I wonder if it was a preparation of sorts for something worse to come. If anything worse is to come it’s got to be OMG kind of horrible since what happened was horrible enough. I had that feeling when they threw me in Florence Jail, and I was right. It was as if it was to prepare me for Estrella. And was the hotel shit to prepare me for the unemployment nightmare? 

Tom suggested I try to eat the number of calories it would take to hold me at 120 pounds, saying I’d lose weight if I stuck to it. He’s trying to lose weight himself, but I’ve totally given up. It’s hopeless and I know it. One site told me that for a woman my height, weight and age with moderate activity it takes 1993.5 calories to maintain 150 pounds, though with Hashimoto’s I’d gain on that amount easily. 120 takes 1797 and 110 takes 1732.5 while 100 takes 1666.5. They’re WAY off. I could maintain 150 on that last one, but I still say 1200 would hold me at 120. 

Not. Very. Doable. 

Another site says I need to eat 1150-1350 to lose (which is more reasonable) but doesn't tell me what I need to eat to maintain a lower weight. Maybe I'll go with 1300. Not super easy but more doable than 1000 or so. Or maybe I’ll just accept that I am the size I was meant to be.