I really, REALLY need to do my best not to eat today. If I can’t starve the entire day away then I need to come as close as I can now that I hit yet another record by waking up at 157. This has got to stop! I’m too short to handle all this weight. It’s really hindering my range of mobility and I can barely sit in the position I would sit in to rock to music anymore. I just hope everything is okay. Tom thinks it is and that I’m just having too much candy. I agree that I still need to cut back on sweets but it still seems a bit extreme that one would gain this much this fast, older or not, dead thyroid or not.

I just need to remind myself that it’s my body. MY body. What size it is, is up to me. Nobody is sitting here forcing food down my throat. The only one that’s doing this to me is ME. The only one that can take control of the situation is me and I need to jump on it or the scale will continue to climb.

Aly was too tired to join Facebook last night under a bogus name as she planned to as she doesn’t want Kim to know about it and because it’s only an account to connect with a few people and follow some groups she likes.

Really hoping she doesn’t join Bubbly and am a little sorry I told her about it because I really like having a place where I can verbally rant without anyone I know hearing it. I think we all need a private playground here and there, even if we’re not doing anything wrong. She said something about issues with the app so I’m hoping she’ll change her mind in the end and not bother, especially since the site is dead and isn’t maintained regularly.

When I got up at 4:30, I saw that Palma had been on 9 hours earlier. I wonder if she’s looking for and perhaps even hoping for another message from me. Well, she’s got one because I decided to send her a second message, this one getting into more detail about how I found her. I told her about Johnson too, hoping she’ll divulge more information about her just out of sheer curiosity, but even if I knew her first name, Johnson is incredibly common like Smith, so I doubt I would find her. Not sure I would want to either as what would I say to her? That I was pissed and hurt that she blew me off but that it turned out to be a good thing in the end?

Last night I dreamed I was in the kitchen with Tom and I was saying how the life I had when we met seems like a separate life from the one I have now as I’ve changed, evolved and grown over the years.

“The lives you had back east were separate from each other as well,” he said, meaning that each place I lived back east was a separate life.