I thought I was going to have some anxiety today but I’m okay. Nothing yesterday either.

Just had to take a baby Benadryl because my forearm is itching like crazy. Not even hydrocortisone cream is helping it. One of the pigs or rats was climbing on me and scratched me a couple of days ago.

The Twenties had to have been pissed yesterday morning when the fucking cock came roaring in at 6:45, no doubt waking them up. Waiting for the first brave soul to finally get fed up enough to take a bat to the fucking thing but know it will never happen. Besides, Joy has their backs either way. The only way you can get away with violating the rules as often as they have is to have a friend in the office. That much is obvious even if Joy hadn’t retaliated on me or the Twenties for complaining. They’ll be here as long as we are no matter what they do.

I think of Tammy and what she’s going through in her park and it’s funny while it’s not. I warned her this would happen. I warned her that adult communities aren’t what they used to be. Things change. People change. And these places are anything but peaceful these days that I don’t even know why they bother to exist. I can’t imagine shit like this happening on Nettles Island when my parents lived there. I just can’t.

Speaking of them and living places, I had a weird dream about my mother last night that had me wondering when I realized the date. In the dream, she was acting totally different than she would in real life. I must have been single because I was all excited about her getting me an apartment in this luxury building she lived in.

Well, first of all, she would never want me living close to her. Hell, she wouldn’t even let me have her fucking phone number for quite a while. This is the kind of shit I would laugh off when I was younger but later came to resent and see it for the insulting act that it truly was.

Nonetheless, she was totally different in the dream. She was relaxed, she was joking, and she was just plain nice.

Jokingly I asked, “Is it wrong to feel safer moving into the same building your mother lives in even when you’re supposed to be tough at your age?”

She assured me it wasn’t wrong and then teasingly said, “You were never tough.”

I laughed and said it sounded funny the way she said that.

Then she took me into what looked like a small eatery of some kind that was on the ground floor. We were to meet with the manager or something like that.

By the counter was a pool with glass walls, and I excitedly exclaimed how much I loved those things as I thought of how exciting it would be to live in such a fancy building with modern stuff. I was so happy that I had tears in my eyes.

Then I woke up and realized there was something familiar about the date. Today my mother would have been 87 years old. Weird coincidence or not? Some people believe that the dead communicate with us through our dreams but I’m still not convinced we live on after death. I just don’t know.

Woke up very tired because I slept shitty. Yeah, I’m on that cycle again and expect it to go on for days before I’m sleeping better again. I woke up twice to pee and a million other times for nothing. Incredibly, even though I was “unbudded,” traffic didn’t wake me up.

I probably shouldn’t have gotten the fried food I got on the way back from the ENT, which was quick as usual. Won’t see her again for a year. Eating shitty food after eating healthy might have had a part in why I didn’t sleep well. I’m sure it definitely had a part in the very noticeable neck knockers I had with all the sodium in those chicken nuggets and fries.