Now I not only have a mysterious lump at the base of my neck, but mysterious cramps, too. Pretty sure they’re coming from my uterus, though I’m not having any bleeding. I wish to hell I’d needed a hysterectomy decades ago when I was younger and tougher. That way I not only would have skipped out on tons of periods over the years, but I also wouldn’t have to worry about anything going wrong with body parts I didn’t have.

Yesterday I walked the entire park perimeter for the first time in ages. It took me 40 minutes to go the 2 miles. I did a little bit of jogging along the way. Before I even got back, I noticed I had faint cramps. They picked up a little when I got home and I had to take Ibuprofen. They came and went for the rest of the day. I know that exercise can induce period-like cramps, but I still worry. With us now in our final year here I’m naturally going to be paranoid about anything bad coming up at the last minute to hold us back. It seems that from what I read it can be anything from the uterus lining thinning with age to fibroids which are usually non-cancerous to uterine cancer. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious and might not even be coming from any of my lady parts, even though it seems to be.

I don’t know if I was dreaming or if I really had cramps in my sleep, but I woke up an hour or two earlier than expected. So I’m a little tired today and therefore I don’t know if I’m going to do any walking. I am going to sprint for as long as I can stand on the treadmill later on because I want to see if it induces cramps or not to get a better sense of what it may be.

My main reason for not going to the GYN is still that the exams they want to do are too painful. And even if they weren’t I don't need any kind of expensive medical procedure, it could really delay the move. This is an independent nation. We’re expected to take care of our own medical needs and right now that’s the last thing we need.

Right after my last entry, there wasn’t one but two fucking motorcycles that went tearing out of here at 3:30 yesterday morning. They sounded like they came up out of the circle. Probably from that cock across from Dixie.

Had a dream we were living in a rural place. It didn’t seem like any place we’d ever moved to but because it was so vivid, I wonder if it was a glimpse into another dimension. I was standing at the end of a long winding driveway in a wooded area similar to Jesse’s. I gazed across the street and looked at these two, two-story houses that were about 200 feet from the road and 400 feet apart from each other and thought how perfect they would be for us.

Then I turned and headed back to our place. I don’t know what it looked like or if we were renting the place or not, but towards the foot of the driveway about 50 feet into a thinly wooded area, was another house. A woman went to visit a woman who lived there, and I thought I saw some exercise equipment when they opened the door to let their visitor in.

Aly’s 39 today. Finally found Molly’s account again now that she mentioned her group home in her tweets along with her name. Can’t believe she’s connected to the guy in Iowa who beat her, but then I can. Wonder what she meant, though when she tweeted, “I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me the most. I’m sorry if it was not me holding your hand. I’m sorry about your loss. I’m sorry I choose to leave than staying by your side.”

Sorry about what loss?

Anyway, I’m surprised she never mentions me. Maybe she really can move on from some people. Even though her tweets are private, Aly hasn’t tweeted in a while. I wonder if she’s not too happy with Molly right now and is giving her the silent treatment.