Did a 15-minute video and I’ll do it again later. Going to try to mix in walking as well even if it isn’t much. Fitbit recognized it as 15 active minutes and an aerobic workout. Well, that’s pretty much what it is, bopping around and throwing your arms and legs in various directions.

The next time Rockefeller calls me which I’m guessing we’ll be any minute now, I’ll share a banana with him, Blitz, and the rat.

In my last entry, I said this is the longest it’s been since I heard the saw across the street, but well, Tom told me I slept through quite a project the day before yesterday. It wasn’t him but someone he hired. It was a big job too, that must have cost around 2K which is precisely why I don’t want to live with people with money anymore. They widened the posts on his carport and redid the trim around the house. I wonder what’s next and when, although it was pretty quiet yesterday because of the rain.

Got our first real rain in six or seven months. Tom said it never rained hard, but it rained steadily all day and he was able to give the car a bath. Anyway, I’m glad this project was done while I slept and that it didn’t wake me up. Had I known it was to be done, it would have made falling asleep hard. I wouldn’t know it was done without him telling me about it although being observant as I am, I did notice the carport posts when I casually glanced out the window.

I can’t wait to get out of here and hopefully - hopefully - into a place where I don’t hear nearly as much traffic, planes, landscaping and projects. The commercial planes are still better at night but can be annoying in the morning. Other types of flying shit vary.

To be realistic, though, I don’t think we’ll get out of here in April or May. Not if we put the house up in March. It’s possible but unlikely. I say we’re looking at getting out somewhere between June and August but then that is what we wanted. We want to arrive in Florida when it’s at the worst it could possibly be for those with asthma and allergies so I can get a sense early on as to whether or not I’m going to be able to handle that climate. If we leave in July then we’ll have been in this state for 14 years since we arrived on July 25th, 2007.

I like how my journals and stories will be backed up online this time around. When we left Arizona and when we left Oregon, we only had them on our hard drives. So had we been in an accident that demolished our computers, they would have been history.

Sometime soon, using his 3D printer, we’re going to trace my nails with tracing paper and then print out templates so that I’ll always have something I can trace nail stickers with. Even the ones that fit best have a few that are a little too wide and that could stand to be trimmed a little bit.

Got a goodie bag from Walmart yesterday included in our order with some toothpaste, Unstoppables which make laundry smell really good, snack/energy bars, and a couple of Starbucks K-Cups. I had the mocha peppermint when I got up and tomorrow, I’ll have the cinnamon dolce.

I don’t want to get canned veggies because they’re high in sodium and not as good, but I am going to get a variety of frozen veggies so I don’t have to make sure I finish the fresh produce before it expires. Still have to get fresh romaine lettuce, carrots and tomatoes for the pigs, but believe me, they go through it long before it can expire. We order every few days and they go through about one romaine heart a day. Every now and then they give me shitty produce but not too often. The rat eats some of the veggies too, but mostly has what I’m having on top of his own food since rats can eat anything.

Still not understanding why some people add people on Facebook just to ignore them. This isn’t a random stranger either. Yes, I’m talking about Minnie. Okay, so we never met face-to-face, but we have exchanged phone calls and letters even if it’s been 20 years or so. about a week after I replied to her initial message, I asked if she got my message and she said yes, she’s just been busy working.

Her uncle died a few days ago. While she took the time to post a couple of memes today, she still hasn’t taken any time to message me, comment or react to any of my posts, even if I’m not very active there. Other forms of social media, I don’t care, but I don’t like people just sitting on my Facebook friend list for decoration. If I don’t hear from her by the end of the year, I’m kicking her out.

I shared an entry link from where I can code it, and not at all surprisingly, she didn’t show up on my visitor list. So unless she’s a hider, she’s probably not even paying attention to anything I post.

I’ve gone back and forth in my mind between which would be worse, him going first and having to kill myself so we could go together, or me dying first and leaving him alone. I guess I would rather be the one to die first since I know that sad or not, he could carry on by himself. I still would hate to see him have to die alone in the end even though he’s even less of a people person than I am.

But the thing is, could I let myself die if I suddenly had something terminal so I could be the one to go first? Or would that be easier said than done if it caused me so much pain and suffering until it killed me?

When I read back on the way I would flirt with Maliheh, I cringe with embarrassment and even a little shame. Why would I waste time on someone like her? Someone that never gave a shit about me. Not just her but why did I bother with people like Nane, etc.? Many believe flirting is fun and harmless as long as it’s just that but if I could start all over again, I never would have bothered. I swear Maliheh could come crawling on her hands and knees begging me to forgive her and I wouldn’t want a damn thing to do with her, let alone to flirt with her. The only regret I have is that she’ll never know just how much I want nothing to do with her. Really, she has no idea! I’m sure she assumes just the opposite if she were to contact me and that I would be thrilled but the truth is she would be rejected in a heartbeat. Don’t know if I would simply ignore her if I would bother to give her an explanation as to why I wanted nothing to do with her, but having nothing to do with her would be exactly what I would do.

But once again and as I’ve learned with getting older, it was all in those hormones. Those damn hormones. So much is connected to them until they die off.

This makes me wonder about Tom. He’s only human so how the hell did he manage to hide anyone he may have flirted with or had a crush on in his younger days? Certainly, there had to be someone. Or maybe not. Maybe he really does have a hormonal deficiency or imbalance that’s tied to his low appetite and he was simply incapable of those feelings and desires. Plus, being the shy and quiet type, he wouldn’t be so quick to flirt with anyone in person or online.

We all make mistakes in life but the two I could kick myself for the most were going to court and taking Tammy back into my life…again, after all she’s done to me in the past. Why did I have to see her true colors so many times before I finally smartened up? I was such a fucking idiot where she was concerned, though I suppose beating myself up over it is pointless.

She’s just the opposite. If I apologized for nothing I owe her an apology for, she would reconnect with me. She’ll only hear from me one more time and that’s when I feel the time is right to share one last piece of my mind with her and her brats. This will likely be in response to when she reaches out to me and I don’t doubt for a minute that that day will come. Probably to tell me she’s dying or something dramatic like that. She and her brats really were the ultimate drama queens. There was always, always drama going on with them. Like someone recently wrote in their own journal, eventually, you realize that someone who has one crisis after another doesn’t simply have a string of “bad luck” but an actual love of drama. Tammy craves it, thirsts for it, wants it, needs it…but she’ll never have her sister back again. That’s for damn sure.