Yesterday I did my nails with beautiful silver-to-black gradient stickers, but they weren’t sticky enough and fell off. I replaced them with a better brand and now they’re light pink.

Then an idea came to me on how to make the shitty brand stickier. If I use my tea tree base coat, that would make my nail surface smoother and maybe the strips would stick easier. I wouldn’t have to damage my nails with polish remover to remove it either since it could just flake off and not be visible since it’s clear. However, I find that pulling nail stickers off of the polish that’s underneath it can remove enough of it.

Decided that once we move, I’m going to let myself gain whatever weight my body feels it needs to gain by eating a comfortable calorie amount and a comfortable amount of variety. I know it sounds funny but I’m tired of trying to hold back the tide here. It’s just too much work. Depriving myself of calories and variety day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, just isn’t worth it. I don’t know how much I’ll gain and I know that it would be putting my health at risk to a degree, but I’ll still eat healthy most of the time and I’ll still be active most days because I’m too restless not to be. I’ve thought it through and told myself to be sure I’m ready to do this because once I climb up the scale, I’m not going to be able to get back down. But yes. It’s time. I’m ready. I’m tired of constantly having to hold back in so many ways, plus I’m never going to have a normal thyroid/metabolism.

It takes a certain amount of calories to maintain certain weights so since I don’t plan to keep increasing my calorie intake indefinitely, I don’t think I would gain weight all my life and end up 1000 pounds overweight. I hope I won’t even hit 200 but I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. I just know I can’t keep going the way I have for another 20-something years. It isn’t that I would eat much more quantity-wise than I already do but I would have more variety more often and some of those foods aren’t great for weight.

I figured that when we move would be a good time to do it because we’re going to be getting new clothes in Florida anyway and I figure a new doctor can’t be alarmed over all this sudden weight gain if it’s already there. But if I went from 155 to 180 with this doctor, she could really get on me about it and I really hate being nagged about things I have little to no control over. Not saying my weight would go to 180 but I suppose it could.

Again, I know this wouldn’t help my blood pressure or cholesterol and that I would lose even more flexibility and be at risk of diabetes but always having to choke back this and avoid that really drives a person crazy after a while.

The statins sometimes give me an upset stomach. I still feel queasy now. Last night, when I felt nauseous after taking my pill, I ate a couple of the pigs’ grape tomatoes and that helped settle it a little bit. This worries me, though, for when they increase my dose. Tom read that it’s a minor side effect that’s nothing serious. I just have to make sure I don’t take it on an empty stomach.

I just can’t fucking escape side effects, can I? Oh well. It’s better than some other side effects I’ve had and could have from statins.

Funny how Aly tweets on her “secret” account that she hates the word “normal” because it’s so dismissive and generic, yet she uses it in a tweet to me.