My husband is now officially a senior. He was just turning 35 when we met. It seems like so, so long ago. I have mixed emotions about him getting older. We’re glad to be older so he doesn’t have to work. I don’t know that I could go so far as to say it’s sad since he’s not suffering. Does he really have the 20 years left to live that I believe he has, give or take a year or two? I hope so for his sake! I think he wants to live longer more than I do.

I’m at the point where it wouldn’t seem like such an all-out crisis if I knew I was going to die soon. I’ve lived a long time and the older I get means less time in a crazy world. I just hope to hell there’s no afterlife. I really do unless it’s a million times better than this one. But if I knew I was dying, I would be more afraid of the suffering I would go through on my way out and of what may lie beyond than anything else. I can’t miss my writing or the VR if I’m dead, can I? It’s just that life isn’t what it used to be. When you weed out the legal and financial issues I’ve had to deal with, things were better before Hashimoto’s, before menopause, before glasses, before obesity, before I lost my libido and the sense of things being new and exciting in the way that they are to a younger person.

This one is hard to explain but there would be a certain atmosphere in the different places I’ve lived and visited but I don’t get those sensations anymore. The only thing that’s better about being older is that I’m smarter.

I was up for 19.5 hours and only slept for 6.5 hours, so I’m having another tired day. My God, I am so, so fucking sick of this shit! Why can’t I just have fucking energy most days instead of some days?!

OMG, am I seeing correctly? I do believe I am! Speech-to-text is actually printing out my swear words instead of starring them. Wow, you mean I actually have freedom of expression now in my own Word documents? How amazing. Doubt it will be that way in emails.

Really hoping the mowers aren’t late in case they wake me up right after I fall asleep. I’d hate to crash at around 10:00 or 10:30 and have them wake me up an hour later. Of course, that depends on what mower they’re using.

I discovered that I can republish my old books and use my pen name. I just had to change the name on the book cover as well as on the form. I republished Renting Ginny, but I don’t know if they send messages to previous buyers letting them know the name has been changed. I would think the termite no longer has the book on her device. But I’m going to start with just that and see if there’s any shit. If there is, I’m not complaining and requesting a removal. I’m going to reply instead and it’s going to be a reply that will make that bitch very sorry she ever commented in the first place. I can’t and won’t hide from her and her twisted family forever.

Speaking of twisted families, Andy told me some things I didn’t know. With him being four years older and my family keeping most things from me, he knew a lot more of what went on than I did. After Andy graduated high school, his mother left his father for four or five years. She went to stay with Marla in Atlantic City, which was where she was at the time.

Andy encouraged his father to date other women believing his mother wasn’t coming back. He only dated a woman once. Andy really liked her and went to spend the weekend with her and her kids. He had so much fun there that he ended up staying for a few weeks. His dad, however, decided that it was his mother he loved so he stood alone until she returned. They stayed together until he died.

I don’t remember much about Al as a kid, but I definitely didn’t like him as an adult. I remember one time I called his house looking for Andy when I was in Phoenix and he was home visiting and he spoke to me in such a snotty tone. I just didn’t tell Andy about it.

Then there was Phil. That was Norma’s first husband. Despite the fact that Norma was considered a hot blue-eyed blonde back in her prime, Phil had an affair And died of a heart attack in bed with his mistress.

Apparently, Phil had a whole other family with this woman and Michelle was asking Norma about it, but Norma refused to discuss it. Can’t blame her for that one!

Phil also scared the shit out of Andy as a kid by saying things like how he would put him in a box and ship him to China, and he said it as if he was dead serious. So I’d say that the heart attack was his karma.