The phone company called to let me know my stutter dial tone was fixed. When someone’s left you a message, you get a stutter dial tone. This way you don’t have to bother calling the voice message number and your code to hear it say you have no messages.

Dennis, Bea and I went to the grocery store. I only bought a few things. Mainly junk food, as usual.

I am making a tape for Kara who’s been over twice since I last wrote. I am taping songs she wants by the Judds, Gloria, and a few others. I will be at her place tomorrow and Fri. She’s gonna give me tons of hangers for doing the tape and giving her a pack of ciggies.

Dennis had told me I might be able to have Thanksgiving with him and Bea, but he wasn’t absolutely sure it was to be at his place. He found out a few days later that they were going someplace else.

Then Kara was over the next day and she invited me over to her place. That’s nice of her. If I’d had to spend Thanksgiving alone, then fine, but this is nice of her.

Her daughter Ashley will be 1 on Friday. I got her a cute card today and I’m gonna give her a stuffed animal of mine she always liked playing with.

When I was in line at the check-out I said something to the effect of hoping I had enough money. A lady in her 50s or so gave me $3. That was very nice of her.

Yesterday Kara heard the tape of Andy trying to sing in Spanish. She sure got a kick out of it. She also heard the tape of Andy and me with Laurie at the crisis center. I also put Andy singing in Spanish and some edits on her tape.

When I last spoke to Bob, he told me he sort of took in a 16-year-old girl named Christina who comes from a set of strict bitchy parents. Yes, I can see Bob taking in someone like this. He says he and she are taking a van of their stuff and they’re gonna leave. He swears he’ll be out here knocking on my door sometime in Feb. We’ll see.

I just mailed out tons of letters. I mailed each of my nieces two.

For Chanukah, I’m gonna send my parents just a card which they insist is all they want. For Tammy and all of them, I’m gonna send the drawing as well as the free 8x10 color picture that’s a gift to the Vista Ventana residents. This is what I began writing about when the phone rang. She took about 6-7 shots of me, but I can only pick out one cuz I can’t pay for any additional copies. On Dec. 5th we’re supposed to go pick them up.

I got my address labels in the mail last week. The same kind I had on Woodside Terr. They’re blue, green, pink and yellow.

Just for the hell of it, I’m curious to see if I’d get a response if I wrote a letter to A Current Affair. I told them I’ve always wanted to be a singer but have no money, transportation and don’t do drugs and refuse to sleep my way there. How do I get a clean, honest connection with no false promises who believes in my talent only? It was a short letter that cut right to the point.

Later...

I just finished doing Andy’s laundry.

Earlier I made myself a delicious steak on the grill. So nice not to have to worry about greasy, messy ovens. As I sat there by the grill I admired the beauty around me. Everything is so clean, classy and modern, the landscaping gorgeous. I felt 100% safe. No graffiti, ugly old rundown buildings, glass and dope dealers everywhere, trash, fires, and foul smells.

Well, Shadow is gone and I was never happier to toss him out. This thing never shut up. It was doing these ear-piercing screams nonstop. I couldn’t sleep and my clock radio wouldn’t drown him out. I think Mary has him and I left a message on her machine to call me. I hope she’ll want him and I feel so bad it didn’t work out. This cat was horribly shy and nervous. I’ve always had a way with animals, but this one was so scared. For a few minutes here and there I was able to play with him, then he’d go right back to screaming.

I want Moon Shadow! So calm, so loving, well behaved and neutered.

I’m pissed that I spent $17 for no reason. I should’ve searched harder for an adult, tame, neutered cat. There were several ads in last Saturday’s paper, but they were all gone. I’m sure I can get lucky with that sooner or later. This cat also clawed shit really badly.

I don’t know if I should try selling the litter box and liners I bought, or hang onto it for a cat like the original Shadow or Moon Shadow. I’ll wait till I speak to Mary.

I called Jane through the relay. We’re gonna get together after Saturday. Or Friday, I should say.

The night Randy and I walked to the grocery store I met two guys in a rock band. He (Bill) gave me a number to call a girl Kathy about country singers needed. He also may have other connections if I have no luck with Kathy. He’ll call me Mon., but I’m a total disbeliever until something proves otherwise. Meaning, it’s gonna take a lot to convince me with all the letdowns I’ve had. I’d have to be in a band for quite a while and see it stick before I believe and have confidence.

Sometime soon, Dennis is gonna fix my speakers and I’m gonna fix 3 of their kitchen chairs. They’re ripped and he’s gonna buy some material for me to sew it up with.

All I have left to write is about this girl Sandy I met at the pool almost two weeks ago.

Also, the conclusion of the radio story. About what happened after I called about a date with Kathy. After I called the radio station, I highly doubted I’d get a call. But every now and then you do something as a joke and someone else takes it seriously. Kathy called and basically, all she said was that she was straight but would keep my number. She says in the business she’s in she meets all kinds of people. She asked me to write down a little about myself and what I look for. I just laughed to myself and went along with it. She asked if I had any suggestions or comments. All I could think of was a radio dating service for both gays and straights. She liked the idea and was gonna take it to her boss.

Last subject now. I was headed to the pool when I met Sandy who was already there. Instantly I thought - butch. Well, she’s married but says she’s always fantasized about women even though she has yet to be with one. Her husband’s like most guys who encourage that, but would flip if she went with another guy. She’s on SS, so we hit it off. I could sense she liked me cuz I wasn’t one bit attracted to her and she’s masculine. Not the ugliest girl, but close enough. I’d give her a 3. Maybe a 4 as I never saw her dressed nicely with makeup and her hair dry.

I gave her my number as I was leaving the pool and I said to myself, “Due to the fact that I’m not attracted to her and she’s low income with medical problems and God knows what mentally, God will have her calling me.” Now don’t get me wrong. She’s not an Ellie or Fran at all and does seem honest and sincere. Sure enough, though, she did call.

She told me she’d had a one-nighter with a guy and got a bruise. He wasn’t violent, she said, but I guess they had wild sex. She wanted to know if it was OK to tell her husband she got the bruise with me. I said yes. Then she shyly said her husband encouraged us while she was as if to imply she agrees. I thought to myself, “Do you want to be celibate forever and wait for the impossible to happen or shouldn’t you try to settle?”

Well, she was due back in Minnesota the next day. That’s where she’s from. She was gonna call later in the evening as her sister and brother-in-law were gonna go out bowling. She never called and I’m really glad she didn’t. Again, I’ll stay celibate throughout my life. Thanks to these 200-pound butches. Or the skinny ones, for that matter. I just can’t bring myself to settle.

Her sister lives here and she also knows lots of butches. Her mom, who she describes as cool and open-minded lives in Minnesota. She’s not sure if she’ll ever move to Phoenix.

There’s only one thing she said that doesn’t jive. She says her husband works for Northwest Airlines and so she can hop a plane here for $10. OK, fine, but no one with that job is gonna marry someone on SS. Maybe he’s one of those men who likes his wife at home as a slave. Who knows, but I’m gonna go watch TV now.

Later...

I am watching Law & Order now.

Kara called twice. The first time she told me she’d call me tomorrow at noon. They’re eating between 1:00-2:00. That’s pretty early in the afternoon, but why not? The second time she wanted to know if I can bring two big bowls.

I crimped my hair which looks great now. It’s tomorrow when I wake up that I wonder how it’ll look. I also have a big fat zit on my cheek.

Mary hasn’t called. Maybe she’s gone somewhere for the holiday.

When the hell is my sister gonna close out my account? She goes to this bank all the time.

When will I ever receive the rest of my pictures? I wish my mother would just send me my pictures or admit that she dumped them knowing how much they mean to me. Also, cuz it’s something she’s not into and makes her think of something she can’t bear - me being a singer. And hey, what resembles my dream the most of all the stuff of mine that went to Florida? Gloria’s pictures. I wish dad sent all my pictures. He and Tammy can be trusted, but Ma’s a different story. I truly believe she dumped them, but won’t say so. Instead, she’ll say what she said before. There were no pictures. Bull.

She can be a real controlling, angry, jealous, negative little bitch. When will the little fuck ever grow up? At 61 I guess it’s too late.

Well, as usual, I still have a lot to do. Still have massive editing, a drawing to do and the unicorn I’m coloring for Andy. Also, letters to write and a story to begin typing.

Later...

Rachel just called. She wanted to borrow the pool key which also opens the laundry room door. She said she felt bad calling only when she wants something. I told her not to worry since I trust her. She said I could spend the holiday with her and Peter, but I told her I had plans. She looked beautiful and she really is sweet. I wish God would let me have a one-nighter with a girl like her, but I know he never will. Only straight girls are this beautiful and feminine, anyway.