Not much to say today on one of the most unfavorable dates in my life 12 years ago.

No “strange noises” yesterday, thankfully.

To make copying in this year’s horoscopes easier, I called Prodigy and spoke them into my box. One by one I’m copying them in. For the most part, I think they’re way off. Some things they mentioned, I sure hope don’t come true. Some would be nice if they came true. They must’ve gotten bored when they got around to December as they had lines in them from earlier months.

I still don’t always get the difference between the words “effect” and “affect.”

Believe it or not, the scale said I was 97 pounds. I feel it and feel like I look smaller, but according to my measurements, I’m still the same. Still, I say it’s nice to be like this 6 days before my period. In a few more days or so, the water, tenderness, and constipation will hit.

It’s hard for me, especially at this time of the month, to remain realistic. How do I convince myself that no matter how much Tom says he wants a kid he’s never gonna cum and we’re never gonna have a kid? How do I accept this? What will make it easier for me? I’ve got to find a way to accept and deal with it, otherwise my life’s gonna be much harder than it needs to be or should be.

I’ll be damned if I’ll try praying again. Not after what happened, even though I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for it. Besides, the bulk of me still doesn’t believe in it.