Well, two more days and counting very, very slowly. Can’t wait to get these bandages off!

Tom got a new faucet to replace our old one in the kitchen. The one we have now leaks and is hard to turn on and off.

The weather’s been nice and they’ve been such sweethearts next door. When I was sitting out there, I told myself, you know on such a beautiful day like today, they’d be screaming on and off if you didn’t write that letter. Thank God it worked, as I really had my doubts. I wish I wrote it a long time ago.

I talked with both Tammy and Larry today. Larry was very tired when I called, so we didn’t talk for long. All he really said was that the visit with Tammy was boring, he heard half the tape, liked it, and will call soon.

Tom also got 3 more tape dispensers, parts for the cigarette machine, a new fluorescent bulb, and something you plug the refrigerator into that’s supposed to save money.

I’m sure there’ll always be a part of me that will want a kid, but there are some things that turn me off about it the more I think of it. And this isn’t just the things I always said that scared me about it like the lack of sleep, etc. This may sound funny, but at the same time I believe Tom wants a kid, I believe more and more that he may be doing more than trying to drive patience into me. I believe he may be leading me on, but time will tell. I have so many different theories, that I’m not sure which one, if any, could be right. Maybe he really doesn’t want a kid but doesn’t want to let me down or say so. Maybe he does and doesn’t want one. I feel that way a lot. I definitely don’t believe he can’t cum or that he came last winter. He’s even admitted this, even if in an indirect way. Not with the way he’s “always so close.” There’s always an excuse, too. He’s tired, he’s sick, his back hurts, his hip, etc. He’s 37, not 87. If he’s truly playing a game with me, what’s he gonna do when he can no longer play it? Other than Kim, I know he has and would tell lies pertaining to sex. If this is how he feels, then I don’t want to have a kid with him. I don’t want to play any games, or for either of us to keep kidding ourselves. I kidded myself about a woman, about singing, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna kid myself with no baby. If he doesn’t cum by June, then he’s gonna say the same things he’s said about it since day one. He’s “going to.” Anytime now. He’ll be cumming in no time. Same thing with the kid. It’s gone from having one in November to conceiving in March, then April, and now it’s within the year. Well, I’m not gonna play this game every year, he can fuck having a kid for all I care and either speak up about what’s really on his mind or quit fooling the both of us!

Later...

When we were laying in bed one time he said it’d be best for me to cum first when we’re screwing. Then, I had said that if he came first he could always go down on me to get me off. He said he wouldn’t do that with his cum down there. Well, if he really came last winter like he said he did, then why should he worry when he doesn’t discharge anything? He’s slipping and his own game is catching up to him. If he wants to hold back and spare me the mess, the smell of bleach, more power to him. I’ll be damned if I’ll blame myself for his choice. This doesn’t turn me off from being his wife. I love the man to death and I always want to be with him, but it certainly turns me off of the idea of a kid. I think we have enough going on now in our lives and should keep things as they are for the most part. If he doesn’t tell me, only time will tell me what’s going through his head. I can thoroughly believe anything he tells me, but not anything pertaining to sex or a kid.