Sunday, August 20, 1995

I was just bitching to Andy all about my inevitable doom from our new neighbors. He said, “I hate to say this, but you better hope Mexicans don’t move in there cuz they fix their cars all damn day, have a million family members and friends over, party all the time, and don’t care if they’re crammed into a smaller house.”

Yeah, I know. I remember that damn butch at the Vista Ventana who crammed her 10 little brothers into her 400-square-foot studio. I also remember how it was the Puerto Ricans always working on their cars on Oswego St.

Anyway, Andy’s vibes also say that I have every reason to worry. Oh, I know I do. I can’t help but think about it. This is the calm before the storm and I know that storm’s right around the corner. Only a week or two left to go. People sell their houses really damn fast here in Arizona. I think I would definitely take kids and dogs to a Mexican family. Better yet, I’d rather have to deal with and listen to my own kid.

This doesn’t hurt or anger me as much anymore, but I’ll probably mention it all my life. It’s another thing I just know. My otherwise loving and honest husband is gonna play me for a fool after I see Dr. Rugg for the third fucking time. I know Tom will never cum and I still don’t believe it’s cuz he can’t cum. Never have believed that, never will. He’s already told me too many lies pertaining to sex and a kid for me not to know better. He’s been insisting that our now sleeping together is what he needs in order to cum. Then how did he “think” I’d be pregnant at various other times when we weren’t sleeping together? Earlier, I said I’d like to do whatever it took to have a kid. Then he goes, “So, what are you gonna do? Run out and cheat on me?” I know he meant for me to take that as a joke, but I saw right through him. He may as well just have come right out and said, “Oh, no you’re not. I hold the sperm, lady, and you ain’t getting any of it cuz we are not having a child.”

OK, Tom. Whatever you say. There are other things I can do in this world. I do value my sleep and our time together and much more. I do want to go to CA, to see my family and other places.

You know what I wonder about them next door? How can they afford to move so soon? What are they doing that we’re not that enables a family of 7-8 to move, but not a family of two? Life just isn’t fair. This is when I have to count the blessings that I do have.

Perhaps they won’t sell to Mexicans cuz they’re friends with the other household next to them. The other house also has kids, though, so they won’t hear the parties and car repairs over that. I wonder if they’ll tell prospective buyers how I complained about the kids? Tom says he doubts it. The good thing about it is that I have the fan to sleep with. I didn’t have it when they were moving in and they constantly woke me up. Anyway, there’ll be no such thing anymore as being able to sit and do whatever with no music on or some kind of background noise to drown them out. There’ll be no such thing anymore as a quiet backyard.

Later...

I just checked my horoscopes throughout the rest of this month. It doesn’t seem to hint at any major crisis, but my feelings say that the new people may move in on the 27th.

I’m 104 fucking pounds! Why? Is it cuz of coming off the Theodur? I haven’t changed my eating habits and have been exercising. I think it’s cuz my last period was so very light. I’m backed up with water. A woman can have “period constipation,” just like both women and men get constipated from not shitting.

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