Nervous is 54 today and tomorrow’s Fran’s birthday. He’ll be somewhere between 32-34.

Tom surprised me again by agreeing to move his bed and TV in here and my stereo into his room. I wouldn’t be shocked if he waited a while on this one, but that’s cool.

He says he wants sex to be more spontaneous and to be able to wake up horny and have sex every now and then as long as we’re both well-rested. He says this is what he needs to up his sexual drive and to cum. Time will tell if his actions on that will be put where his mouth is. Meanwhile, dealing with not having a kid is still much easier in general and for this I’m grateful.

Later...

I spoke to Andy earlier who had me tape onto his message tape and edit a great convo he and Karson left on his machine last night. I did edit it and I left it on his machine. The pregnant dope child (Kim) left him two messages.

We were talking the other night about how if someone were to try to kick that baby right out of her stomach, I’d cheer them on. Where do you draw the line between not telling others what to do with their lives, and kids/druggies/abusers having kids? This burns me up even if I didn’t ever want a child. I know all too well what it’s like to be an unwanted child and there are just too many of them. Not to mention those born to the other types of people I just mentioned.

Anyway, Andy mentioned something about her being over at their other friend’s places and that maybe she lied about being pregnant (I hope). He also said she said they were all trying to beat her up at one point and that she ran for her life and mentioned going back to her dad’s in CA. This is the one that also lies all the time. So her first message said, “I suppose you’re mad at me, but please call me.”

The other one mentioned her going to St. Joe’s Hospital.

We got the 5 books of sticker stamps we ordered. They’re so much better than regular stamps.

Got a letter from Alex which he did on his work computer at work. It was nice with a cartoon character, then - Greetings from Vermont. It was a full-page letter. He says he still likes sending regular letters every so often besides email. I’ll send him a regular letter, too. It’ll give him a chance to see some new address labels.

We sent email messages to each other today. His job’s OK, but he’s very lonely. I think he wishes he was married and had kids. He sure does want to be with someone long-term, though. He also says he asked Kim over the TTY why their encounters never took a serious turn. I don’t think Alex is Kim’s type.

Later...

Tom got home a half-hour ago. He picked up something from Arby’s and got me KFC.

What a case of “Bronco Piggy” earlier, too. After we ate, I brought him out to the living room floor where he got all playful and hyped up with running around. They shake their heads, jump, and buck when they’re playful.

He’s finally starting to use his new burrow. I guess it was just that the heavy wood was overwhelming to him after being so used to flimsy cardboard ones.

Later...

Last night Andy had a wonderful 35-minute conversation with Barbara Nicks (Stevie’s mother). He said he was really nervous talking to her. As nervous as he’d be talking to Stevie. Then he said she said not to be nervous at all cuz she’s just like any other person. She knows of his friend Michelle from her store in Payson, AZ where I guess she sells decorative stuff mainly. Michelle brought her some Halloween decorations, went trick or treating at her house once, and Barbara says she’ll put her stuff on display this Halloween. He told her his name and number and truthfully how he got her number. Michelle had a business phonebook with a 1976 listing of it.

Andy wouldn’t tell her, of course, about stealing Stevie’s garbage and all the information he’s now got.

Barbara told him she just listened to Stevie’s latest demo and that he’ll be happy to know she’s written some beautiful songs. Barbara said she’d love to hear the many bootleg songs he’s got. I advised him to wait on that and to be careful. He shouldn’t lend his original copies cuz he doesn’t know if she won’t return them. She was surprised he knew Stevie’s address, saying she had thought it was a well-guarded secret. He assured her, though, that he’d never invade her privacy.

Anyway, he says she was very sweet and that he could call anytime he wanted. Cool. Just maybe he will meet Stevie someday if he gets chummy with Barbara.

Oh, I just can’t fucking wait till after Labor Day! I hope to hell that when I call him, he doesn’t brush me off as I feared Barbara M would.

I tossed an idea at Tom who said that should be spontaneous, too. My idea was to start the kid next June (like he really ever could!). Why? Cuz that’d give us more time to have a life, and have each other without a third party in the way full-time (I hope I won’t feel that way, though). To let us adjust to sleeping together or in the same room. To give us a better chance of seeing my family in May. Lastly, to avoid being at the end of the pregnancy during the hottest part of the year. Then again, I wouldn’t be going out very often at all if I was pregnant and I certainly wouldn’t be in a bikini tanning! Anyway, the spontaneity of it does sound good and it’d be also just as easy for me to find reasons not to have a kid for 10 years. Or right now. Or never.

Later...

Tom and I were just discussing the last of the room arranging details. It oughta be done over the next 1-3 weekends. We are gonna drain and move the waterbed down so we can lay our beds side by side. For the most part, neither of us will be in here except to sleep.

I just really hope to hell this works out. Our new arrangement, I mean. I don’t see why it shouldn’t. Hopefully, the next step will be to drain the waterbed to put the one we want in the waterbed frame and move his to wherever.

I also hope it won’t be years before we can get that mattress, better yet move! On the other hand, the move’s gonna be a bitch and I feel really bad about it. It was all my idea and my idea only and I know he’s not looking forward to this. The guy’s busy enough with enough projects. So we wait a year or two for the bed we want and the kid - big deal. And you know my opinion about his cumming and the kid. It’s not gonna happen. I don’t want a kid bad enough to slave him through the ground like that.

I just put the cooler on for fresh air and man is it humid out!

I began letters to Tammy and my parents today. I still have Andy’s to do, as well as one for Alex.

Later...

I just left him a note concerning all my thoughts about the rearranging. He’ll probably be getting up before me. This way he’s had time to think about it. I need and want the final decision to be his. Right now, I feel as if he’s doing this all for me, just to make me happy. It’s like how I feel about sex. It’s all for me and to please me only, which would be fine with anyone else.

Well, I’ve got to go change channels on the VCR for stuff I’m recording.

Later...

Wrong. I don’t have to change channels till 9:00. It sure is windy as all hell out there now. I wonder how the TV reception will be. Well, these aren’t movies I’m just dying to see, so if they don’t come out well - fine.

Anyway, Tom is the most confusing and strangest person I’ve ever known as far as sex goes. If I could only make love to Tom on a bed of nails at planned times, I’d still have no problem with it and getting off cuz I love him. Isn’t what’s in your heart and mind supposed to be what really counts when you love someone and are in a relationship, making getting off all the easier and more natural? If you hate the person or aren’t attracted to them, or both, then I can see there being a big problem. He told me yesterday he needs to sleep with me in order for things to change sexually, meaning for him to cum. That’s not what he usually says. Why does he have to keep changing his story on this? Is it part of a game? What does he really want from me? He’s told me, but obviously, I’m either not able to deliver and please him in ways, or he’s not making himself clear enough to me. I like to take care of myself most of the time still, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we were sleeping together and there were a series of new excuses for not having too much sex and no cumming. What about earlier tonight for example? There was plenty of time for way more than just a quickie, but all he did was the TV and the computer in between our discussions.

Anyway, here’s a list of some of my own projects that I want to do. As far as taping goes, I still need to do more editing and more medley work. There are more beading ideas to try out, as well as making that beaded barrette off of the bead loom. Gotta experiment with that Melody Maestro and maybe write some more lyrics. Gotta finish copying my story, and I know there are other things to be doing. I still haven’t decided on what I’ll do with the 100 pages or so that’ll remain in 91, but I’ll come up with something.

Did I write about the lampshade I decorated yet? I’m hanging strands of beads off of it with earring wires.

I decided not to bother with making an up-duct mobile.

Now it’s time to change channels, so I’ll be right back.

Later...

Fuck changing channels. The reception’s pretty lousy. Thank God there’s no movie in which I felt I just absolutely had to see.

Well, it looks like today is the day I’ll be going onto journal 95. I didn’t think I’d get to it till Monday.