I don’t know if I can concentrate on writing right now, but I’ll try. The reason I haven’t written in a few days is that I’ve quit smoking. Yes, you heard right, as shocking as it is.

Friday morning, I was really in a bad mood over what happened with Lisa, and I thought I’d help myself to feel better by going to the library, but that day God was in no mood to help me help myself. I ended up feeling worse, as I couldn’t even hear myself think in the library. Whatever happened to the be-quiet-in-libraries policy? You don’t bring a baby to a library. I mean, how rude! You leave your screaming babies at home and have consideration for others. But of course, no one seems to have that these days. Especially in Phoenix.

Anyway, Tom got one other John Saul book I thought he’d like (I can’t believe I got him into my favorite author and that he’s reading another book of his), then we went to Walgreens where we got the Nicorette gum.

I began at 1 PM Friday and made it 29 hours without smoking. Then I relapsed and smoked 7 cigarettes from 5 PM - 11 PM, then quit again. I haven’t had any cigarettes since 11 PM last night, which is almost 34 hours ago.

It’s tough at times. It really is. I still can’t concentrate well and am still having trouble staying focused without getting fidgety, so I’ll write more later.

Later...

OK, let’s see if I can bring myself to write some more now. It’s hard. It’s hard to do much of anything that requires concentration at this time.

Got my period early, as usual. This time, it was a whole 5 days early.

The kittens that Mama Cat had moved are back by the side of the house again. I gave her some tuna and some milk. Tom mentioned getting some dry cat food and letting the kittens decide whether or not they ever want to be our cats. Well, I just went around to the side of the house. I saw Mama Cat run off just as I went out, but when I went over to the side to see the kittens - they didn’t want to see me. They ran and hid in the bricks that are stacked up over there, but I left some more tuna there, anyway. Hopefully, they’ll warm up to me in time.

I couldn’t believe what I just heard while at the side of the house, but to my utter astonishment, it sounded like the dog was inside. Inside the house! It was barking, of course, and I could also hear sprinklers. At 10:30, they gave me a door slam, but last Friday they left at 7 AM, so maybe they don’t work every weekday or maybe their schedule varies, but someone’s gotta be over there. Or else they wouldn’t have sprinklers on and they wouldn’t have the dog inside where it couldn’t get out to do its business.

I wrote Kim and Paula a letter, but even that was a struggle. My mind kept wandering and I’ve been tired, too. After 18 years of having stimulants, the body has to relearn how to make its own energy. If I weren’t hyper to begin with, I’d be even more tired, I’m sure.