Let me get the good news out of the way before I get into the shitty news.

I got the first package my parents sent yesterday. My favorite thing was this little figurine of cactuses and flowers.

There were also 5 really cute little mini wind chimes. There were two floral ones, a rabbit, a dog, and an angel. They came with suction cups, but since they really do “suck” and don’t stay up, I hung them outside.

There was a windsock and a windsock spinner, which came with good timing. I had to retire my old windsock that got all faded and torn, so I put this new one up on the clothesline. I had a mini windsock that they sent when I was at the Vista, but that was faded and shredded too, so I put the spinner in its place on the patio.

They sent a couple of beach towels, a flag, a little Tupperware jar, pictures of Becky and Sarah, and a mauve-colored lamp. The lampshade got a bit dented up on its way here.

Lastly, they sent a keyboard wristrest. It’s gray, not a pretty color, but it’s nice and soft and velvety. However, I’m having a hard time getting used to it, although I’m sure Tom will like it a lot.

It was great to be able to turn around and send them a message about it right away, rather than have to take notes for my next letter to them.

Ma’s got a couple of computer questions for Tom. She wants a re-dialer for when AOL’s busy and she wants to know of a way to set things up so she doesn’t have to keep typing her password continuously. I know this can be set up so she doesn’t have to do this and I told her I think that the re-dialer is something she has to download from AOL, but that Tom will let her know for sure. He said he went on last night to email them, but AOL crashed, so he’ll do it today. We’ll see about that, but I hope so.

OK, here’s my shitty news and believe me, I’ve never before looked at my sterility as such a gift, rather than a curse.

Lisa was sexually assaulted at school yesterday. At school! Where kids are supposed to be safe. The definition of sexual assault is that she was not penetrated, thank God, but the fact that she was touched is bad enough.

What is it with God harassing and hurting this family when it comes to sexual issues and children? He’s hexed so many of us sexually, he killed my brother’s kid, he’s caused other problems for Tammy’s kids, sterilized me, and now this shit! How can any God inflict so much pain and hatred?! When’s he gonna leave this family the fuck alone?!

Well, like I said, he can sterilize me all he wants. I’m not gonna have a kid just so he can kill it, too. If we had a girl, it’d be sexually assaulted or raped. If we had a boy, it’d do the sexual assaulting and the raping for all I know, among all the other problems they’d have and create and you know me - if I had a daughter that was hurt sexually, I’d kill her attacker and if I had a son that put its hands or dick where it didn’t belong, I’d hack its hands and dick right off its body. Besides, it’s hard to imagine anything coming from me, coming out normal. I mean, with my luck, it’d be born with its left leg where its right arm was supposed to be.

Tammy doesn’t know what’ll happen from here. She said there are a lot of scenarios that could happen from here, but I think she knows like I do that the justice system is a complete flop. A total fuck-up. These animals are incurable, so they won’t be executed or put away for life like they should be. Even if it did any jail time, which I doubt, it’ll just get out and do it again.

Kids aren’t safe at home, they’re not safe at school, they’re not safe from God. It’s sick. It really is and if Tom goes on about birth control when he gets home and I tell him about this, I’m gonna be really pissed even more. He knows I know I’m sterile. You don’t put contraceptives over sterility, and it’d be just like me getting a perm. I’m sure he’ll be even more hesitant about cumming, but fine, let him do what he wants, cuz I know that no matter how much or how little he cums, I’m safe and God can keep this child from me all he wants. I don’t want him to give me a child just so he can hurt or kill it.

This is a little town that this happened in, so I can only imagine what goes on in mid-sized towns and big cities like Phoenix.

Just like Tammy’s told her the bullshit story of how I was supposed to have pulled off a gerbil’s tail when I was little and asked her to tape it back on when Lisa’s GP died to make her feel better. And just like she told her I tried killing myself when she found out she was thinking about it, there’s a chance she may tell Lisa that someone tried raping me in Agawam in the late 80s. I told her that I know she won’t make Lisa feel like it’s her fault and that she won’t push her away when she needs to talk, but that if she wanted to tell her about me and let her know that Lisa could talk to me too, anytime she wanted to, that’s fine.

Later...

As for the pictures of Becky and Sarah - Sarah looked cute, but Becky looked horrible. She looks like a little chipmunk with the way her teeth are, and her hair looked awful, too. It’s short, uneven disarray that looks like a wig someone just plopped on top of her head.

The HS sent me 5 cute holiday cards with animals on them. They’ll probably go to mom and dad, Tammy and her family, Larry and his family, Andy, Bob and Kim.