Tom took Mom to buy a new vacuum, too, and with it, she got a hand vacuum that she sent home to us. It’s awesome! It’s got a long cord and is way better than the battery ones. The battery ones die so fast and you’ve got to keep it plugged into a charger. This is great for picking up stray bits of sawdust that the animals kick out of their cages.

Later...

Great. Just great. Now I’m 106 lbs. Why has God taken such control over my body? Why won’t he just allow me to lose weight? It used to be that I’d lose weight on days that I didn’t eat much. I used to weigh less when I’d wake up. I shouldn’t be going to bed and waking up at the same weight, so why does he insist I hold this extra weight? Can’t I just get down to 100 lbs.? Will I ever get down there again? Well, obviously not, and obviously he doesn’t want me to for some reason. My body belongs to him. It’s totally in his control.

Andy left me a message yesterday telling me that he was pissed to notice Laura took $20 from him. He talked to the boyfriend about it who told him that she’s done that before and always replaces the money. He said a few days later, she did replace the $20. Once again, and as I told him, this is what he’s gonna get with most people, let alone a druggie, and also, he should be going to his roommate with problems he has with her and not the boyfriend or me first.

Later...

In my written gay journal that I’ve typed here too, along with all the others, the page I’m on now says: The day we stop resisting our instincts, we’ll have learned how to live. What about those who are forced to resist their instincts? Huh? Guess I’ll never learn how to live.

I also got a kick out of the quote that talked about people being under the illusion that gays want sex and straights want love. Everyone wants sex. That’s all the bulk of the population wants, regardless of sexual preference.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking of Andy and I feel really mad and bad for him. Both God and people really have double standards with some people. What’s acceptable of most just isn’t acceptable of all. Leave it to him to not be able to get away with the same types of conversations that the others can get away with, even though he does have a big mouth. And once again, if all good things come to those who wait, and if God wants to see love in this world and wants to help those who help themselves, where’s he been all Andy’s life? Where’s the love and other good things he’s been waiting for?

Andy also told me that some cook teasingly pinches his tit, he doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t go running to file a complaint about it. Yeah, I know what he’s saying. He wouldn’t, but the bulk of the world would, cuz he, like me and a few others in this world, isn’t allowed to get away with doing wrong and we’re not allowed to have the normal everyday things in life. I also don’t believe in running to the courts to solve your problems for the most part, if you can help it. I can see if some company owes you money or something like that and you go to small claims court, but I really would’ve preferred to beat the shit out of them last year than even discuss court with Tom, but I felt obligated to make the promise of not hurting them to him. It meant that much to him, although, if I went to court over the dog or the music, first of all, they’d more than likely do nothing. Second of all, even if they took away their dog and car (if they were still blasting in and out of here), and fined them, they’d just pay the fines and get a new dog and car. And if they didn’t, they’d go get some other source of noise. And also, this would increase the risk of them doing anything to the house, whereas if I kicked their asses, they’d be too scared and embarrassed to even come near this house. Well, nearer than the 3 feet that these psychos already are.

I know what it’s like to be under the submission of fear, pain, and anger, cuz I’ve been attacked before. It’s wrong when it comes to children, but sometimes other adults must put fear and pain into other adults in order to get them to do right and I know firsthand that it works. Back when I was either a child or too much of a damn wimp to fight back, I was either scared or hurt enough to do exactly what I was told to do. Fear and pain will control someone and if you’re mad enough and if you really want to, you can take just about anyone you want to and drive enough pain and fear into them to keep them in line.