Well, this dog that I thought wasn’t so bad after all, was a different story last night. For about an hour or two in the early evening yesterday, it just wouldn’t shut the fuck up! Then, I heard it again at midnight for a while, but I just ran and blasted my music and sang my heart out to try to deal with it that way without me freaking out. Then today, as I was over seeing the kittens, it heard me and started barking, nearly scaring the shit out of me.

I’m trying to keep my promise to Tom, but it is sooo hard. If I could just have 5 minutes with them, their dog’s barking would be a thing of the past and there’d be no chance of them ever returning to blasting in and out of here. It wouldn’t ruin our filing for a line of credit by causing them to complain, etc. like Tom said. However, if I hear that dog after 10 PM more than once in a blue moon, I’ll be over there. And the poor little black bitch will know I exist, alright.

Ma sent a message thanking us for the instructions and said she got a re-dialer that’s just 25¢ a call and a far cry from Sprint.

Mom and Dad only type in either all lower or all upper-case letters. This time it was all caps.

Tom’s mom also sent home a picture of her, dad, and Tom at the racetrack, standing by one of Tom’s honorary horses. It’s in a nice frame and is on the shelf with other pictures.

Tom said that this is guessing very conservatively, but he says that the bed should be delivered by November 3rd or 4th. Something will come up to delay that too, I’m sure, but I hope not. For once, I hope not. We’ve waited long enough for this.

Finally! Andy’s to be leaving PHX on the 13th and he’ll be in Springfield from the 14th-18th. Then early on the 18th, he’ll be going to New York to see Xena (I take it Michelle’s still going with him). Then he’ll be driving back to PHX on the 19th and he expects to arrive here on the 22nd.

Later...

It’s a gorgeous day of about 80º. I put Bunny outside for a little while and changed the cat’s water and gave them more food. Mama Cat now lets me get within a few feet of her, but she still hisses at me when I do. The kittens still shy away from me, too. They’ve grown a little since they were here when we had that huge storm, and they’re so cute! I fried up some chicken a few days ago, before Tom got cat and kitten food, and gave them some of that, and Mama Cat devoured that in no time.

They’re still having that buy-one-get-one-free deal on bread, so the birds are still getting bread. The good thing about it is that they’re not messing up the patio. I’ve got them held back on the lawn by throwing their food out there to them and they don’t bother with coming onto the patio.

Another withdrawal symptom I’m having is dizziness. That’s due to the brain suddenly getting all this extra oxygen that it’s not used to getting. At least I’m not stuck for a second day in a row. I took two shits earlier.

Tom says that another reason, in his eyes, that would cause God to be more willing to allow us a child, is cuz of how I’d be trying to quit for just me in the past, but this time I’m quitting for me, him and for a kid. Well, I still don’t see him budging on that, cuz if God hasn’t yet found me deserving and ready for it, then how could he ever? Yes, it does make sense, like I said before, that he’d give someone a child after they quit smoking, but then there’ll be something else that’ll make sense, then something else, cuz that’s the way it always works. So what about the things that made sense before I quit? If it is a case of God waiting for me to quit smoking, why did he wait till now to give me the strength to allow myself to quit? Why not years ago? Also, if quitting smoking is the key to a child in God’s eyes, I’ll know by January at the latest. If I’m not pregnant by then, then I’m still right about it not being fated to be.

We’ll also see just how much this really does affect Tom’s performance in bed too, or if he just said it would in order to motivate me. I really hope not, cuz although I’m used to the way things are and don’t expect them to change just cuz I stopped smoking, I don’t like bullshit motivational tactics, either.

There are a lot of ways that I can analyze and view this whole thing. I mean, I do feel like I’m being prepared for something, but the thing that seems most logical kind of scares me. What if God’s preparing me for some major tragedy like some accident or illness that he feels I’d die from if I smoked? This could be to prepare me for something terrible to come too, but we’ll see in time if it’s to survive something bad, to help something good, or simply just because.

Later...

Well, we just got done screwing. I didn’t cum cuz I’m not as horny after my period, and of course, he didn’t either. He said that’d take a few weeks to change. Mhm. Sure. I’ve heard this before a million times.

I’m taping a movie right now so I don’t have to watch all the baby commercials. Sex and babies are the last things I need to be dealing with right now.

It’s now been 95 hours since my last smoke. How unreal it seems.

I doubt it, but can’t be sure if the beast barked up a storm this evening. I had fans on so I wouldn’t have to be bothered with hearing anything that may piss me the hell off. Tom said the early evening barking will stop as the weather cools down. He says that when it’s really hot, the thing’s being still and lazy, building up energy for barking fits as it gets cooler at sundown. But, now that it’s getting cooler, it shouldn’t bark more during the day, but it should bark less at night. Whatever, I mean, I just wish the dog and them would drop dead and that that house would stay empty till we moved, but life’s all about wishing and dreaming.

Soon, I’ll be stopping all letters to Paula. Except for Larry, I’m not gonna have a one-sided pen pal deal here, and for all I know, that PO Box may not even belong to her anymore. Not with how much she moves around. So, just like with Shelly, no letters from me till and if I ever hear from her.

Entry by Tom -

I’m taking time away from reading my book to write this entry. I’m so proud of the way you have stopped smoking. I’m sure that things are going to get better. I should be able to get the washers changed on Friday and most of the branches picked up as well. I think I had better close out this entry and start getting ready for work. I love you.