I got my congratulations for not smoking for 3 weeks postcard yesterday. The sad thing about it is that the cravings seem to be getting more powerful. If I’m having powerful urges several times a day at this point, then this is how it’s always gonna be. Tom says it’ll get easier and I hope he’s right, but it doesn’t seem like he will be at this point. I let Marla know I quit, too, and she said she quit smoking after 10 years back in the late 70s. She said it was the hardest thing she ever did.

Once again, I wish there were 3 people to quit for and he keeps saying that there will be and that I won’t even consider returning to smoking by the New Year. Is he ever gonna get over it?! No bed or lack of money worries is gonna change the way he is sexually and the fact that either his conscious or subconscious or both, doesn’t want a kid, and the fact that God doesn’t want me having one. As much as I wish Tom and God could prove me wrong about the sex/kid, just like with getting out here, getting off disability, getting married, and quitting smoking for this long, I just can’t see it.

He says we can still check out and get that bed, but can we? I’ve always known that something up there wants me to work all the harder for the things that are normal and more common, and yesterday’s ordeal proved that. Something’s trying to stall us, that’s for sure. And if we do get the bed, what price will we have to pay for it, besides about $1000?

As far as what the scoop is next door, well it’s pretty weird. First of all, I’m pretty sure that at least he’s been living there all weekend, but the nice thing about it is that I haven’t heard any music since last Saturday. So, I don’t know if this means he’s decided to shut up again or if the music’s been played while I was out, asleep, or under headphones.

Tom’s guess was that the big tree that they’ve got in back (that makes a mess of our yard with its leaves) had roots that got in the way of the sewer pipes, so it fucked up their drains, but it can’t be that bad for him to have stayed there the last couple of nights unless he’s shitting and pissing in a container. Maybe (if the bitch and kids aren’t there and they’re at a friend’s house), he wasn’t liked or welcome over there, or they got into a fight and this was the only place he could go till she returned, but I don’t know. I do know, though, that the music wouldn’t just suddenly stop again so soon and that the dog’s gotta be back sooner or later. I don’t think any of them are moving after all. I think that my vibe had to do with the work they’ve been doing and the temporary absence of the dog, which I’m thoroughly enjoying till the peace is shattered. It’s been pretty peaceful through the days and totally quiet at night, but when that beast gets back, I’ll have to sit and listen to it from dusk till the wee hours of the mornings. As I told Tom, in case he does send a letter to the city, Loverboy is a no-no, but she may be allowed a dog. The NHA allowed you to have one cat or one dog, but they had to be of a certain height/weight.

The story gets even weirder cuz yesterday, they didn’t work at all next door. They’ve been there today, though.

Soon, I’ll be doing a general shopping list for things I’d like to get with what money’s left over after deducting the electrolysis cost and the new cage I just got. I haven’t gotten the electrolysis thing yet, but I got that other cage Play City makes, so now I have all 3 of them. Their big cage is called Play City, their medium cage that I just got is the Town House and the little cage that Mary gave me when I had Gizzy the mouse, is the Fun House. Teddy Bear’s got the aquarium and the Play City and Gizzy have the other two.

Speaking of Gizzy, if anyone ever wanted to rent a paper shredder to destroy any documents, they wouldn’t need to. All they’d have to do is just give it to Gizzy. Instead of eating the paper like the other guys do, he shreds it up to make a nest to burrow in. I think that the reason he likes shredded paper better than sawdust is cuz it’s lighter and that way he doesn’t feel as smothered by burrowing in it.

I gave him a handful of small colorful papers that I had used to write Andy a batch of funny notes to pass out, cuz I thought it’d be nice to see all the pretty colors shredded up and mixed together. I told Andy I’d write new ones up, but then I got a better idea which I began earlier. I inserted frames in a miscellaneous document of mine and then inserted all kinds of different fonts for the text. So, he’ll just have to cut the boxes of funny lines and sayings out and distribute them that way. I’m pretty sure he’ll like this.

I’m also rearranging and reorganizing my convo tapes and labeling them more specifically. So, instead of just writing “Fran & Nervous” when their fights come up, I’ll be more specific and write what the argument was about. That way, if I want to find a certain convo, I can find it easier this way. I’m trying to group different people together too, on the same tapes, rather than have things all mixed in together.

Later...

Well, the bitch is definitely next door. Once again, I don’t see how they can live there with all the shit that’s going on there, but I just heard her being dropped off. And the van is still out there too, so I couldn’t see her cuz she was behind it, but I could hear her. She said something like, “Girl, you just don’t know…” Typical black talk. Then after another minute, the sick black fuck said goodbye to her gal pal and that’s it. He isn’t here yet, but I’m sure he’ll let me know when he arrives cuz like I said, he’s not gonna just suddenly shut up this fast. I just dread the day the dog returns! I wish I could say they gave it away, but I know better. It’s at some friend or relative’s house. Even if they did give it away, they’ll just go out and get another beast.