Again I woke up too soon yesterday, after only 5 hours of sleep. Nothing woke me up, but I just couldn’t get back to sleep and it was frustrating as all hell. Finally, after a couple of Benadryl, I crashed and ended up with a total of about 11 hours of sleep. I needed it, too!

If anything’s improved by being woken up too soon, it’s that I’m not wheezing my ass off. My heart still beats hard and fast, but not as bad. I still feel just as beat and disoriented, though.

Anyway, this being woken up started right when I began dieting. I was gonna quit the diet and see if I got woken up again, figuring that if I slept OK, then something didn’t want me losing weight. However, I’m down to 110. So since it’s working, I may as well just deal with being woken up. For a while, anyway.

I still don’t know if something was trying to punish me or trying to tell me something or both. Tom says getting up for a kid would be no problem, cuz it’s a responsibility, whereas something that’s not my responsibility, is different.

He also pointed out that just cuz David and Evie got what they wanted, and so soon after marriage, doesn’t mean that Evie didn’t have to go through her share of shit, too. She was married twice before and both guys left her and took everything.

Tom also suggested that maybe something’s testing us to see how bad we want it. For this long? I can see that for a few months but for a few years? That’s quite a test, don’t you think?

I asked Tom the question I asked this journal - why he suggested I’d be pregnant at different times if he knew that the answer to that was the bed. His answer was that just cuz he knew the bed would work, didn’t mean other things couldn’t work too. Well, he gave himself away, not that I didn’t know any better when he said he wouldn’t give any more timetables after December. In other words, he knows my being pregnant in December’s bullshit, but that he’ll stop doing that after December (saying I’ll be pregnant by January, then by February, etc).

Tom would’ve gotten a kick out of my horoscope if he’d seen it on AOL. I told him about it, though. It said that household things that need repair or replacement may seem like a crisis, but that in the end, it’d turn out to be beneficial. I wondered that, too. If maybe God had the fan break knowing that this sound machine would help me even better. For example, it may help with his snoring if we ever get that bed.

I talked to Tammy yesterday, who says she’s gonna be quitting smoking by way of a medication that goes to the brain that’s very expensive. I never heard of it, but she says that after a week of taking the drug (she’s still going through the same lung problems I had there), she will quit smoking. I hope so. It’d be nice to see her follow in my footsteps. Yes, it’s now been 5 weeks for me and the intense cravings and dizzy spells are just starting to ease up.

Today I’ll probably be going to the pet store to see about getting a new small critter of some kind.