Just called Tammy to let her know their Chanukah presents were on their way and to let me know if she gets them OK. She said she’s alone with Mark. The girls are in Florida with Bill and her ex-in-laws. I asked if they’d be stopping by you know who’s, but nope. I asked if they sent Chanukah presents for the girls and she said yes. I asked if she had them returned and she said no, they arrived when she was out. I warned her that they may use the girls to get at her, but she said they wouldn’t, they haven’t even called. I really believe, though, that someday they’ll kiss and make up and it’s too bad. If they do, and if Tammy pressures me to get all lovey-dovey with these people again, I’m gone. She can do what she wants and live her life, even if I don’t always agree with her ways, but I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do as well.

Later…

The phone rang and I saw it was from a payphone and figured it was either Andy or Mary calling to say they broke down and needed a ride. Well, it was Mary, but she didn’t break down. She was calling to let us know she brought Mom to the ER. She said something about an infection, CAT scans, and no bleeding in the brain, not to worry, and that she doesn’t know much right now but will call back later.

At first I thought of waking up Tom but then thought against it for two reasons. He has to work tonight, and also, there’s nothing he could do from what I heard in her message. I’m not gonna answer when she calls back, either. I’m gonna let her leave a message so Tom can hear what she has to say directly. I wouldn’t want to take a chance of misinterpreting her.

I don’t have any death vibes about Mom. I think she’ll be OK and with us till August or September of 2000. I’m just glad, for everyone’s sake, that she doesn’t live in that house anymore and that it’s sold!

Tom fixed the printer so it shows the ink status again. I like that better.

The dumpster’s gone now so I guess that’s the freeloader’s cue to get us back for all the noise.

Bill wasn’t here today. In fact, I haven’t seen any car since I got up at 1 PM. My current conclusion is that the cock did head out of the state and left the bitch behind. Why? Who knows? Meanwhile, the bitch, who obviously has time off, is spending her days elsewhere. Someone must be picking her up in the mornings and bringing her back at night. As soon as the sun goes down, I’ll see if I can see if her front light is on. If she’s out and doesn’t plan on coming back till after dark, the light should be on now. It’s a little unnerving knowing she has the whole week off, but thanks to the city and those letters, it’s not as unnerving as it could be! I’ll bet if she knew she could still get away with raising hell over there, she’d spend every day off doing so. Since she knows she can’t, this may be why she isn’t around very much during her days off. In fact, since we complained to the city, she does seem to be out much more often. She probably figures that since she can’t stay home and bother me along with her cronies, she may as well not even bother staying here too much. It probably pisses her off to stay here and be just a few feet away from someone she detests.

Another call from Mary just came in, so I’ll go hear what she has to say this time around.

Later…

All Mary had to say was that they were still in the ER, they were going to admit her, and as soon as she knew a room number she’d call back.

Changing the rats was a near disaster! I thought they’d stay out of the way, but nope. First Ratsy got in the way and I had to shoo him out of the way, then Mickey decided to hop on out and panic on me. It’s amazing his tail didn’t come off or that he didn’t escape! He started to run, then I caught him by the tail. He spun around and around like hell and I had to kind of toss him onto the upper levels of the cage. I finally got them cleaned, though, and rewarded them with cheese, lettuce, and their regular food. It also appears we don’t need to get them ramps or T-tubes for easier access to the upper levels. They’ve been going up there themselves lately.

No eating for me today. No more than half of a TV dinner I had and some Jell-O. I woke up at 111 pounds and climbing. I didn’t shit yesterday, but I did today, so that’ll help. Still, I ate more than I should’ve yesterday and the day before. Also, if Tom stops over at Ma’s tomorrow and finds that it is junk food that Evie’s made us, I want to watch it today so I can enjoy this junk food. If I stayed around 115 pounds for four months, does this mean I’ll stay around 110 pounds for six months or more?

As the days have passed since my testing at Genesis, I find myself less and less curious as to what the next step may be, and more and more finished with this subject. I’m not saying for sure I’m either gonna do this or do that, but I think I’m done with this chapter of my life. I really don’t want a child. I don’t want to give up my time and my freedom to a kid. I want to be with my husband, and I want to have the time, freedom, and money to buy things. I like to shop, and I like to collect things and that’s just how I am, selfish or not. No, it wouldn’t kill me if I couldn’t sing at 2 AM, but it’s still nice to know I can if I want to.

Another reason I think I’m done is that I think I got my answers. I suspected my uterus all along as being the reason I can’t have a kid, and it looks like I very well may have been right. Either way, the more I don’t want a kid, the less I care about the cause of my sterility.

Later…

The front light isn’t on and neither are their lights on in the house. I’d say she’s not home. She wouldn’t stay home these many hours without company. There’d have been cars coming and going if she’d been home since I got up.

Later…

Miss Bitch is definitely, definitely not home. The house is still dark both inside and out.

I went to check out doll catalogs online last night just to see what I could find, and oh my God! I found dolls way better than what you’d find in stores. They were just to die for! Sadly enough, though, they ranged from many hundreds to even many thousands of dollars! The clothes are similar to the ones in the stores and like what I’ve got, but what made these different was their size and reality. They were mostly around 30” and so realistic looking. They looked more like real photographs of people than dolls.

Later…

Mary just called again from home and said something about doing gallstone surgery on Mom.

Next door’s still dark and deserted. I haven’t heard any car doors, either.