It’s around midnight and the black bitches are still screaming at each other. Why did God put these creatures on this earth? I fucking go through hell to get away from them, just to end up being stuck with them all over again. Why do I always get punished for rebelling against or trying to change what the Gods have ordered for me? Is it really that important to them that I be driven crazy by loud, obnoxious black assholes? What did I ever do to these people to deserve this? I just can’t get away from them!!!
I listened to some music both by myself and with Rosa.
It’s change of shift now. I hope Nottelmann and Palma are on tomorrow. They only work here twice a week lately.
This place was so fucking noisy until around 4 AM. DOC got Bucket, but we still have other loud-mouth blacks shooting off at the mouth non-stop.
Whoever’s next door was slamming the bunk against the door to get a blanket.
People! Fucking people! I hate them! And the more I try to run from them, the more they seem to be thrown in my face. Why can’t I just go home and live in peace? There’s a reason, Tina says.
Yeah, to torture the hell out of me! Everyone tells me there’s a reason for this shit, yet no one can give me a better one than the only one I can come up with.
Kara, one of the very few sane ones in this sad, disgusting place, came and saw me today. I updated her on what’s been going on and told her that I’m beginning to doubt anyone’s going to care enough to help get me out of here sooner. Like Kara said, all it takes is one person who cares.
But where are they? How do I get their attention? I just don’t see, the more I think about it, what the governor, and other people Tom wrote to, can do to help me. And why would they care? It’s not their problem. Nobody cares when they have nothing to gain by helping someone else.
Rosa just went out for a legal visit. The poor girl has got an infected tooth that’s all swollen.
Tina’s writing a letter. Although she’s been quieter, she still talks a lot. I try not to ask her too many questions because then she just gets into a huge discussion with herself about it. The amount of self-chatter in this place is astonishing. Religion and people talking to themselves. That seems to be the main theme of this place.
Just when they finally started making it comfortable here by giving us some heat, it’s cold again. It’s colder out, from what I hear on the radio, so that’s why. They don’t bother to adjust the heat with the weather.
Rosa and I were just listening to the radio, and Tina’s gone to bed. That is, till the psycho next door wakes her up slamming the bunk against the door. I’ll be waking her up on our hour out tomorrow to let her know just what I’ll do to her if I ever get my hands on her. When’s the system going to learn that jail’s not the place for crazies? They belong in psych wards. The whole pod was pissed at this sicko. Late last night she was banging for a blanket and today it was over her meds. Doesn’t she see that that’s not going to get her what she wants when she wants it? The DOs can’t even hear her when they’re in the tower.
I can’t live without this radio I never thought I’d end up getting. Because we’re right next to Crazy, as our loving God would have it, it doesn’t drown out her banging sprees, but when the bitch gets to screaming, it’s a great escape.
I’m so sick of people. People, people, people!!! I just want some space and privacy! I want peace and quiet and time alone! I’m so sick of being forced to be with people and in places I don’t want to be! Will I ever find freedom in this life? I want out and I want my old life back. The one I had till all this shit started. But that’ll never be no matter how long I live. Even if this were all over now, I’d just get hit with some other long-term bullshit.
There’s a reason for this, Rosa says.
If one more person says that to me, I’m going to break them in half!
They’re taking the sicko next door to medical in cuffs. I hope they drug the fucker into a coma! But sadly enough, I know she’ll be back and banging about something else later. I just wish I could have 5 minutes alone with the sack of shit!
My anger seems to be making Rosa very nervous (Tina won’t even look at me), so I think I’ll go try to smile for her sake, and bitch more later.
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