Temple’s on tonight. She’s cool.

I love being by myself. If I have to be in this miserable place, couldn’t I just stay right here by myself? I wish!!!

I wonder if I’m going to end up being charged for my so-called “lost order?” I hope not! I’d rather not get it than be charged for shit I never got. Chavez was working the night we placed our orders. Would she deliberately chuck my form? I don’t know. I haven’t had a problem with her, but anything’s possible.

Johnson’s on 2nd shift again tonight. I wish Palma and white Johnson were on more often. And Nottelmann and Pérez, too.

The room stank of mice, so I swept and mopped, but that only made the smell worse.

I said hi to Becky again. I guess I’m a better lip reader than I thought because I understood her when she told me she goes to court on January 10th, among a few other things she said. She’s in A200, the unsentenced pod.

I’m still exercising daily, but not singing much lately.

Had a wonderful visit with Tom. He said he thinks I’ll get out earlier, but doesn’t know when. That enhanced my February vibe, but I don’t know. I don’t trust my vibes, given my circumstances, and I don’t want to get my hopes up. Nonetheless, we talked about him sending out letters to the mayor, the governor, the courts, etc.

He also typed my letter up to the PO and sent what he said was a hostile one of his own.

Not too hostile, I hope, or else he’ll be labeled a stalker. And if that PO’s black, they’ll call him a racist from the KKK. They may even refer to us both as Jack the Ripper. Society loves fancy labels. Especially the media.

He said he didn’t make any threats, naturally, but he implied threats pertaining to possible lawsuits when using words like disabilities, accommodate, and how poorly the courts handled things. He said that although the letter is only two pages, it took him two days to write it.

The sole reason I was on disability was because of my ear and being hard of hearing, not my mental state at the time. Well, he said that if worse came to worse and they insisted I work full-time out of the house, we can always try to get me back on disability, and they couldn’t do anything to me while the case was pending. I’d like my disability reinstated. The extra money wouldn’t hurt, but I can’t see it happening. I think they’ll just be like – lots of hard of hearing and deaf people work, so tough.

Tom says Harry’s very mellow and told me a couple of funny stories about Houdini. Houdini jumps up on the couch and even went to join him in bed! One night he couldn’t get him to go home after he let him out to run around and he was too tired to deal with it, so he said fuck it, and went to bed. After he’d been asleep a while, he suddenly felt something tugging on his hair!

Sleeping from around 4 AM to noon seems to be the only schedule I can keep in this place. It would’ve been ideal for me if I could’ve returned to the tents to work as an A Tower trustee from 3 PM-11 PM, but I know that’s just a dream. You can’t ask for what job/shift you have. If I could’ve done that, though, I’d see both Rule and Palma.

Ma’s leg is getting better and Mary’s still waiting around as far as what to do next about her cancer.

Still?!?!

So far, no one’s answered my tanks. Not classification or psych, so I put in another tank for classification, psych, and one to medical for an inhaler refill. Next comes the grievances, because I know they’re not just going to just give me a refill. No, they’ll have to play with me for a while first, the mother-fuckers!

I’ve got to see a therapist, any therapist, once every week or two while I’m here because it not only helps to get out of my cell and shit off my chest, but that’s also documentation for me that I may need someday.

The next words I gave for Tom to look up the signs to are jail, home and free.

I have a vibe about getting out of here in February. I hope so! February 5th, 9th and 14th stand out in my mind for some reason.

Someone told me there was a reason why I’m here. I can’t see any reason other than that something’s out to get me.

Tom was right – Ma did send me birthday money despite my being in here. Now he can order the doll care kit. I hope he got the electric razor that was going to be my Christmas present to him with the pennies I saved in my big old piggy bank. I’d feel bad if he didn’t, and as I told him, I already feel bad enough as it is. I mentally beat myself up every day along with the freeloaders for all the shit he’s had to endure on account of this, even though it’s not my fault. I worry about him out there, wondering if he’ll get in an accident, get ill, or decide never to see me again and whether or not he has plans to replace me. I know I’m just being paranoid and that if anyone’s going to stick by me, it’s him, but it’s because I was dumped by my parents that I get paranoid. When you can’t trust your own parents, who can you trust? But at the same time, I’m immune to being dumped and I wouldn’t hesitate to dump people myself if they gave me a good enough reason to. It takes a while to strike up a relationship, but it only takes a second to dump them and throw it all away.

The way Tom has stuck by me and understood me makes up for all those who did not. His letters, visits and praise help keep me going and I can’t wait to get out of here! Things I took for granted will be special and special things will be very special. I just hope it doesn’t take months before people read/respond to the letters! I know how busy they are.

The inmates here are not as they’re portrayed on TV. On TV they’re all drop-dead gorgeous and half of them beat the shit out of each other while the other half gets it on with each other. Of course, there are some gay/bi women as well as some fights, but not like on TV. And none of these inmates stand out in any way looks-wise.

If the PO says I have to work full-time and SS won’t reinstate me - then what? Do I kill myself right then and there, or do we run? Something’s trying to force me to remain the city girl I’ve been for the last 15 years! (minus the near year I was blessed enough to live in Maricopa)

I wish they made shirts smaller than the one I’m wearing. It’s past my ass, hanging off my shoulders, and makes me look fat because it’s so baggy. I don’t need any help looking fat!

It seems like I’ve had a million cellies, yet I’ve only had 8 so far.

I’m thinking of getting a radio, although I may live to regret it. People are going to beg to use it. They’re so rude at times, begging for people’s shit. I’m sorry some people are less fortunate, but that’s no reason to be rude. Next time I get candy begged off me, I may just be like – OK, you want some? Then cram it down their fucking throats so hard, nearly choking them to death on the shit.

They won’t be begging anymore.

Another good thing is that I can get what I want only. I stupidly let Lora talk me into getting a couple of things to make me a birthday cake. How rude, huh? Asking someone to buy things for their own birthday cake.