I called Helen and spoke to her. She sounded really glad to hear from me. I asked her if she wanted my documentation of jail all at once, or as I typed them up, and she said I could bring them in as I typed them up. I made a couple of evening appointments, two weeks apart, for the month of June.

I also called the probation department and was told they haven’t received my paperwork yet.

I tried to call Dr. Rose to get an otologist referral to get my ear cleaned, but I can’t get through. I hate dealing with doctors!

Later I’ll try calling Paula. Because of the fact that she hasn’t called me, I’m wondering if she even has a phone at the moment.

I’m ticked at Tom because every time I turn around, I find something else he let the rats chew on while I was gone. He knew better, and he gave me his word that he would watch them. Well, he didn’t.

I thought of an easier way to make mashed potatoes. Rather than peel, cut and boil them, which can also get a little messy, I find it’s easier to bake them, then skin them like I do when I’m making us baked potatoes, dump them into a big pot, then add milk and butter to them. After I’ve done that, I take the masher and mash them up.

I miss my Teddy Bear! I can’t get that woman off my mind. I think of her every day, and I wonder – does she think of me, too? And what would’ve happened the last night I was there with her if Misha hadn’t been in the picture? What would she have said to me? Would she have hugged or kissed me in the end?

Will she be single till I see her again? If we do have an intimate relationship, how long will it be before she’s with a lady she can live with and have full-time? I know that’d be inevitable, but she’s worth any amount of time I can have with her, and again, I know we’ll be more than friends.

Later…

I’m seething with rage right now at the black bitch. Not the old neighbor black bitch, but the Jail Intelligence one called Jackson. I didn’t discover it till today, but 20 journal pages from early March are missing. I was pissed at Tom because he said he was keeping track and that nothing was missing. Not that I could do a damn thing about it, as usual, whenever someone decides to fuck me over, but I trusted him. I’m not nearly as pissed at him as I am at that fucking bitch – ugh!!! And I know it was her and the Shadow Men that stole it because the pages were written right after they went butting into my business, being power-hungry control freaks, ripping me off. This is illegal too, to steal someone else’s mail, but of course, they can make or break the laws whenever they fucking feel like it. By law, they should’ve notified me that they were going to go meddling in my mail and mailed Tom at least copies of the stuff because technically, it was his mail being addressed to him. Since I obviously don’t have the right to write what I want to in my own journals, I’ve quit using the N-word in parts of my journals that I may choose to share with others, since people act like it’s an illegal word. Whatever happened to – sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me? Calling a child fat, ugly and stupid is one thing, but if an adult can’t handle being called a name in someone else’s journal that they shouldn’t even be sticking their nose in, then as far as I’m concerned – that’s their problem! Meanwhile, I believe in freedom of speech and I’m not going to stop expressing myself as I see fit in my own journals! No one’s taking from me again – no one! I am not a child and I will not be treated like one. I’m sick of being controlled, sick of being ripped off, sick of this fucking world! Tom says control freaks are everywhere in this country. Yeah, well, they’re gonna have to rip someone else off and control them. I’m through with society and its fucking bullshit.

There are also 4 pages missing from earlier in my sentence. I’ll do my best to fill in the gaps. Although there are only 5 days’ worth of stuff missing, thanks to Miss Nosy Jackson, I wrote an awful lot. I averaged about 4-6 pages a day while I was in there.

Mark my words, those of you who have used and abused the law against me – you will be dealt with in the appropriate ways. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but everything that needs to be done to expose and bring these people to justice will be done. Then, their lives will be more miserable than mine’s ever been. They won’t be messing with anyone else, either. I’m not just making sure these people get what they deserve for my sake. I’m protecting others from going through the same thing, or worse. I don’t just get mad, I get even. And I do it in ways where any innocent people who haven’t wronged me don’t get hurt. For now, I will not write anymore on the subject until what’s done is done.

Tom says it’s like this all over the country with people being obsessed with controlling others. Yeah, I know. But that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.