On the way home from jail I mentioned how psyched I was to see Houdini, and that’s when Tom came out and told me he was dying of a tumor. I nearly choked on my chicken strip. How fucking unfair! How sad and mad I was to have buried one rat just a couple of days before I went in, and just a couple of days after coming out, I’d be burying another one, which we ended up having to do today. He rests by Ratsy and Scuttles. It saddens me to know we’ll never play like we used to, but it would’ve been all the harder on me had I been here all along these last 6 months. Friday, while we bomb, we’re going to get new rats and mice. Right now we only have one rat and one mouse.

From what I counted, I sent home about 80 envelopes while I was in jail. Page 37 is missing. Was it stolen? Lost? Or is it waiting to be picked up at the PO? We’ll see.

Sure enough, the house was trashed, though not as bad as I thought it’d be. It was horrendous in certain areas. I know Tom’s been busy, but once again, if he’d kept up on it as he led me to believe he was, it wouldn’t have had to get this way. Nonetheless, I planned on doing a thorough cleaning once I got home, anyway. I’m going room by room. I did the master bath today, and tomorrow I’ll do the bedroom and retreat. Yes, I’m already working.

I like the new air cleaner that Tom got in addition to our old one that plugs into the wall and the new kind of sawdust he’s been using. It absorbs much better. The place would stink with the old stuff and the old air cleaner running on high, but with this stuff, and with the two air cleaners on low, it doesn’t stink unless you stick your nose right in the cages.

I finally got to open my Christmas presents, and yes, one was a doll. It’s a pretty one too, with brown eyes and auburn hair. Her name’s Autumn and she’s a foot tall. Got a couple of pairs of slipper socks, a couple of small stuffed animals, and some stupid thing called The Cup of Destiny. It’s some kind of fortune-telling thing, with a cup and saucer with symbols on it. It’s got a book too, but I haven’t read it yet. We also got a candle set. That’ll come in handy come the monsoon season. I can’t wait for that! I love the kick-ass, exciting storms we get out here. Especially now that the front door doesn’t leak underneath it since he sealed it up good with weather stripping.

It turns out that they didn’t have to cut my ring to enlarge it. All they did was just stretch it. It’s more comfortable now.

Quite by accident, I’ve lost 2 pounds since being home. Guess that’s what happens when you’re suddenly 10 times more active and not eating 5 candy bars a day.

I’m not as emotional about being back as I thought I’d be. I guess that’s cuz jail didn’t turn out to be so bad after all. Just boring and uncomfortable, with shitty food. Oh, how I miss my Teddy Bear! She’s never far from my thoughts. Anyway, being home feels different than I thought it’d feel. For the most part, I wouldn’t know there was that 6-month gap. Some things I’d forget and have to take a moment to think about to remember, like where the dishes were kept, how to save stuff to disks, etc. Tom refreshed my memory on how to superimpose, so I’m ready for Teddy Bear whenever she shows up.

I haven’t had the nightmares I expected to have about being stuck back in jail.

Listening to music on my stereo has been great. The base was a bit overwhelming to me at first, though. I’m getting used to that again too, while enjoying my old CDs and the 5 new ones I just got of various artists.

The visit to the PO went way better than I ever dreamt it could go. That explains why I didn’t have bad vibes upon going there, but there’s nothing to say that things might not change. It’s too soon to be too hopeful about it because I didn’t even see Mary B. I saw some guy. According to him, seeing Helen should take care of the anger management classes. Meaning, that’s part of it; my being counseled by her. Also, living here and being a homemaker with plans to farm her acreage might not be a problem, either, since what they’re mostly concerned about is their damn money (unless someone else tells me differently). I was like – you mean I worried my ass off over this shit for nothing for 6 months?!

Well, better to worry for nothing, I guess.

Meanwhile, while they’re doing my courtesy transfer to Pinal County, and until they receive all my paperwork, all I have to do is call in once a week.

The only neg to the visit was finding out I can’t write to Mary, Marla, or anyone that’s either in jail or on probation (Ida’s not on probation). I hate to ditch them, but I’m not taking any chances whatsoever. I’ve only sent out letters to Paula, Officer Rule, and Ida, who’s gonna shit when I tell her about Teddy Bear. I decided not to bother with Mom. At least not for now. She and Mary haven’t even called to see how I’m doing.

After reporting to the PO office, we went to the mall. He got jail food (a hot dog) and I got Chinese. Then we hit Fry’s electronics. That’s where I got the CDs, 10 colorful CD cases, 20 colorful disks, a new modem, and a new wireless mouse with a side clicker and a wheel. Our last stop was the grocery store. For $10 I bought a pre-cooked lobster and it was great. More than just a few bites too, so I decided we could postpone Red Lobster.

Got home around 8:00 my first day home, then slept a couple of hours around 2:00. When I finally did fall asleep around midnight, I slept a whopping 9 hours straight. Yesterday and today, though, I only slept 5-6 hours, which has become the norm for me.

When I first went to jail, I was stuck all the time. In the end, I was regular. I’ve been stuck for two days now, now that I have to get used to this new way of eating all over again.
Tom’s building sheds at the utility side of the house so he can clear a lot of the crap out of his office and put the stuff that’s outside that wouldn’t fit in the aluminum shed into it. These are going to be wooden sheds on metal frames.