Another day of wondering if we’re going to get the keys to this house we just can’t seem to get into. I am getting so, so sick of being teased with the damn thing. If we’re not meant to have it, I’d really like to know now so we can get our money back and move on. We’ll just remain renters if that’s the case.

Since it hasn’t happened yet I’ll just assume that the answer to my question is “no,” and just deal with it. Guess that’s all I really can do. By Wednesday we’ll know if we’re getting a house or an apartment.

Again I wonder if something up there is involved, and if it is, why is it doing all it can to delay the move? To keep us from something good, or perhaps from something bad?

Tammy shared more pics of her place, both inside and out, and there was even a shot of a shelf with pics set up which there was one I sent her from my late 20s. Wow, was I really that skinny?! Her bathroom comes the closest to my type of colors and styles. We even use the same deodorant, LOL. They even have a boat, though I don’t know what kind or where they take it. The land is absolutely beautiful. She hates the city too, and if there weren’t such a thing as adult communities I wouldn’t be going to one. Or trying to anyway. If we continue renting we’ll stay in rural areas.

Yesterday I got up at 8am, but today I couldn’t pull myself out of bed till 10am, and I’m still kind of tired. Getting up at a decent hour tomorrow is gonna be hell, but it’d be worth it if we had a home to go to. Not gonna count on it, though. I’m tired of getting my hopes up for nothing. Every time I think this is it, it’s not, so I’m not gonna believe a damn thing till I see it.

Kim’s fucking around with me again on Ask. It could be Kathy or someone connected to Molly, but more likely it’s Kim because of the nasty death wishes they had for Aly. Only someone with a ton of rage could say that and we both know Kim is a very angry person, not that we feel a damn bit sorry for her. When you bullshit people they’re going to dump you sooner or later. So if you can’t handle that, then you should’ve thought of that BEFORE you used those you called friends – those that were always good to you – and then lied to them like crazy. Her losing us (and others) is her own fault and her own doing and I have no sympathy for her. If she doesn’t learn how to move on and create friendships based on honesty, that rage is going to consume her to the point where she will either end up funny-farmed or in jail, and she will have no one to blame but herself.

Later…

I am so fucking furious right now it isn’t funny! Last night I had a couple of dreams where Tom and I spoke of other rentals. I didn’t think much of them because one seemed to be in Florida and the other was in Nevada. I should’ve figured they meant something, though, since their latest excuse is that the paperwork was wrong. They screwed up the house’s dimensions and Tom had to sign and return a form they sent him. “You gotta be kidding,” I said. “All this over the fucking dimensions? Who gives a shit whether it’s 62’ long or 58’ long! It’s big! Plenty big for us.”

Tom then emailed Kathy (I’m really getting to hate people with that name) and said we NEED a closing date because this is costing us money. And it is! We have been so, so inconvenienced by this shit and I’m pretty sure we’ll be forced to spend more on propane soon enough, too. Kathy replied saying it’s “guaranteed” to close tomorrow, but I know it’s bullshit and that there’ll be something else. I’m already sure I don’t want this house anymore any way. There’s no trust there anymore and the last thing I want to do is any more business with these incompetent liars. I don’t know who’s doing this to us or why, but it’s probably no one we know personally. I don’t see how it could be. I’m sure it’s just God using them as pawns to fuck us out of yet another dream because He’s obsessed with us remaining renters and in the mainstream where He can put the shittiest, rudest, noisiest neighbors next to us. It’s almost like Maricopa all over again with the fucking lies and delays! Also, I’ve had enough experience to know things wouldn’t change if we suddenly were in the house right now. Instead, something else would just fuck with us if the lenders themselves didn’t come up with some new load of bullshit to hit us with.

Meanwhile, we’re giving them one more day to build a case against themselves with more lies, delays, bullshit and whatever, then Wednesday we’ll be contacting a lawyer for damn sure. All I want is our money back. I do NOT want this house anymore. They have destroyed my dream and taken any excitement and fun that may’ve been left. The problem is God not only loves to see to it that we’re denied our dreams, He loves to protect our perps, too. So I worry that no matter how many lies and false promises we have documented we won’t get our money back. Still, we’ve got to try.

I looked at rentals and right off the bat, I found a gorgeous condo for rent in Fair Oaks. It’s even nicer than the luxury house we were supposed to get, though Tom doesn’t think so, in many ways and for just $800 it’s fully loaded with a stackable washer/dryer, dishwasher and garbage disposal. There’s also a pool. Yes, I know it will be noisy as hell, but I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of tiny dumps! It will be worth the noise to have a little comfort and space in our lives for a change. It’s a 2-bed, 2-bath that’s about twice as big as this trailer. After living so shabbily for so long I don’t care if little kids go running and screaming overhead, or if college kids blast music below us. That’s what sound machines are for. It’s a ground-level unit actually, so we wouldn’t hear anything below us. Just upstairs and next door, and of course there’d be the weekly outside landscaping, but fine. The place is too modern, spacious and nice to care after living like bums for so long. Tom will be taking Wednesday and Thursday off so we can deal with lawyers and trying to get into this place if it’s still vacant by the time we call them. Because we’re all packed and have a lot of money and good credit, we should be able to move in right away.

I blame myself just as much as I blame these shit lenders who suddenly don’t know what the fuck they’re doing now that they’re dealing with Tom and Jodi, despite their rave reviews. I knew damn well we weren’t meant to own. You don’t lose two places in a row if anything up there wants you owning. Why did I think 9 years of renting would suddenly change that? But it’s OKAY. We’ll just get our money back and rent something decent. There are still far more advantages to renting than owning and the space in the condo is more reasonable for us anyway.

Tom filled Jesse in and let him know I’d be sleeping in. I’ll probably sleep till noon. Then anytime after that (if it hasn’t occurred yet) we’ll find out what the latest line of bullshit is that they come up with. Either way, we’re going to sue or sell!