When dreams turn into nightmares, one usually needs a backup plan. Throughout the night I thought of what we should do if we don’t get into the house, and at this point, I’m not sure I really even want the house anymore. Their lies and false promises have taken a lot of the excitement out of the whole thing, and as I said before, if we’re getting hell for just trying to get into it, I’d hate to think of how viciously we could be beaten over the head with the place if we actually do get it. Besides, the damn living room alone is as big as this entire trailer and I’d have to live 100 more years to find stuff to fill it with. It’s something like 25x20.

Everyone else is pretty sure it’s just the holidays that have fucked things up and that we’ll still get the keys next week so they can make the money off of us they want to make, but as Tom pointed out when trying to cheer me up, we intend to take advantage of them, in a sense, by paying the loan off real fast. The longer you take to pay off a loan, the more interest you have to pay. A lot of people don’t realize this and the loan companies count on that.

Eileen said she was once in the mortgage business and that these delays happen all the time. I had thought it was just us something was picking on because I’ve never heard similar stories of such headaches and hassles. Well, we’ll find out next week if they’re for real or not.

But what do we do if they’re not? This is what I pondered well into the night last night. I don’t want to stay here even if the Jes pest doesn’t have anyone lined up to take the place. It’s too old, smelly and small, and I can’t stand the shitty Internet connection and the bleach the pest is obsessed with flooding the tanks with every other week or so.

Experience has taught me that we’ll always hear our neighbors whether they’re just beyond the window or the wall. Car doors make up for cabinets and interior doors you hear in attached dwellings. Car stereos make up for house stereos/TVs. Voices replace barking. So since we’re going to hear them whether they’re a wall away or a window away, why not go for a newer, bigger apartment or duplex with an extra room and extra bath? IDK, maybe something’s trying to tell us that renting is economically smarter and safer. We should be able to get something nice enough with pools, fitness rooms and fast interest for around what we pay for this dump. Just something to think about if we’re not meant to be owners.

Later…

Once it cools down a bit more I’m going to go outside and do some running. I’ve been too inactive other than when I’ve been out running errands or packing this place up. There are too many boxes around the treadmill and nowhere to move them to, so I’ll just go outside. I’ll wait another hour when the sun’s almost down but there’s still enough light to see where I’m going in these woods.

This being teased with the house is really pissing me off. It’s putting so many things on hold. We’d just run out of body wash and I figured the timing was perfect cuz we could get new body wash at the new place, but then we had to get our hopes up again for nothing and had to run out and get more. So that’ll be one more thing we’ll have to pack and move. Also, there are things packed away that I didn’t want to have to do without this long and I don’t know where the hell they are. It’s just really fucking frustrating. :(

I slept till 10:30 this morning. Why battle with schedules if there may be no house to move into? Even Tom’s screwing up his schedule. He’s taking a seriously long nap today, but it’s a much-needed and deserved nap.

If we don’t get this house we’ll be here another month or two while we search for an apartment, but at least those are plentiful and pretty easy to get into. Hey, second-best or worst is always easy to get. But it would be a luxury apartment or close to it just like the house would’ve been. Others still think we’re going to get the keys next week, but they’ve let us down too many times for me to buy anything they say.