Didn’t write yesterday cuz I was just too stressed out and couldn’t focus much on anything. I didn’t even do much proofreading. Instead, I ended up watching a total of 3 movies on YouTube. If the resolution is low enough, even those of us out in the country can stream them.

I stressed up such an appetite that after Tom grabbed some KFC at the end of the day, I ended up eating 4 pieces of chicken (legs), a side of mac-n-cheese, a biscuit and a cookie.

If we don’t get the keys to our new home today we just may go from comfortable to rich cuz we’ll sue the shit out of this loan company if we have to. We double-checked and the BBB lists them as top-notch, so we’ll see. We may not be able to move till tomorrow if we get the keys too late to get a truck today, but the 3rd is what’s on the paperwork everyone signed, so we’ll see. We don’t see why they’d want to cost themselves more money and back out at this point, but if they do they have to pay us back every dime we spent and I am NOT starting the process all over again! If it turns out that this is where we’re meant to spend our lives, so be it. We’ve lived like bums in other people’s dives for nearly a decade now, so it’s nothing new.

I knew it, though. I knew the bastard above would do everything He could to stall and delay the move; I just didn’t know it’d be this late in the process. I don’t understand why anything up there would not want us to have a decent home to live in. We’re not murderers. We got the place honestly. So what is its problem??? Why is it so important to whatever’s trying to hold us back that we live so poorly?

Yesterday I feared history was trying to repeat itself. It just got a little too Maricopa-like with the delays and then the fear of someone coming to turn our lives in our new home into a living nightmare once we finally got there just like 14 years ago. But there’s no way this is going to take 4 months because this is a totally different situation. We’re not waiting on land permits and dealing with wells, septics and utilities. Also, we haven’t had any black people close enough to us to play the race card and make us victims of reverse discrimination in any way, so I guess the worst that could happen is that the loaners call it off and we continue to live in this undersized dump. But nothing up there hates us that much, right? Right? Well, we should know in just a matter of hours.

Later…

I am so fucking pissed and right now I really, REALLY hate holidays, weekends, lenders, realtors, and most of all – God. The same old God who could’ve seen to it that things ran smoothly for us yet chooses to sit back and let all kinds of delays keep us trapped here and out of the new home we so richly deserve. Funny thing too, cuz a friend of mine said she prayed for things to continue to go as planned and on schedule. Well, once again it just goes to prove there either is no God, or He has it in for some of us. That’s ok, though, we’ll eventually beat the bastard at His own game. Still, I cringe when someone says they’ve prayed for me cuz I know that chances are that will only make things worse for me. If my theory is correct, then the mere mention of my name is only going to get Him going even more (in a bad way).

I’m not good with explaining the process of buying homes and knowing what words and terms to use when it comes to money, financing, interest rates and lenders. I just don’t get that stuff like Tom does. So even though what he says makes sense when he’s explaining it to me, afterward I’m like, what the fuck was that all about? What did he say about this, this and that? My territory is basically writing and languages, not numbers and money.

But to try to explain what’s going on as best as I can, although they screwed up by putting the 3rd on the paperwork, the 3 days they legally have by law from when our money was sent and we signed the escrow papers, didn’t start the day the papers were actually signed. What this means is that they have until Friday (since tomorrow’s a fucking holiday) to wire the funds to the park and escrow people. Even worse is that we’re not sure we can get the keys the same day, and since the next day is the weekend, we could very well be looking at being stuck here until Monday. Then who knows what further delays there could be? I just know that I won’t believe we’re getting out of here till we actually receive the damn keys. Right now I can’t trust or believe a damn thing anyone tells us. If they don’t pay up by Friday, then we legally have a claim against them and can begin filing suit. I’ve always wanted to sue someone, almost as much as I’ve wanted to win the lottery. The problem is I don’t want to go through the hell I’d have to go through in order to have a case in the first place.

“We were given up on by the system and left for dead,” Tom reminded me, referring to the fall of 2011, “but we fought back, beat the system, and we WILL get this house no matter how frustrating the delays may be.”

Damn right we will! I won’t hesitate to sue if need be. I swore I’d never let what happened in Arizona scare me out of doing what’s right. If you fuck with me, believe me when I say I’ll have you beating your head in the wall so damn fast, muttering, “Why the hell did I bother with her?” I won’t care what your color is, what your job is, or how much money you have either.

I won’t know until Thursday night or when I awake on Friday morning if we’re getting the keys that day. Yeah, they’re back. The worthless dream premonitions are back. I figured they would be sooner or later. Again, we may have dry patches, but we don’t dry up altogether. The reason I call them worthless is that that’s exactly what they are. Whether I have a dream about something destined to come true a week in advance or a day in advance, it doesn’t change whatever’s fated to be. I don’t remember the details of last night’s dreams; just talk of delays. I didn’t want to write about it at first, thinking maybe if I wrote about it I’d really jinx it into happening, though deep down I knew better. Still, I kept hoping all day I’d be wrong, though I did email Tom and let him know what the “dream people” said. I knew, though, that we wouldn’t get the keys today. I just didn’t “feel” them, if that makes any sense. I try to ask myself if I can see myself doing/receiving a certain thing and I find that I can usually go by that. Well, I just couldn’t see us getting the keys and I didn’t feel us moving today at all.

I was reading a book about a psychic like me who spoke of learning to tell which dreams were just dreams and which ones meant something, and she described them as being those that stick with her that usually have meaning of some kind, and I swear I myself could’ve written that book.

I also saw a movie based on actual events about a psychic who has visions of murder and later went to work for the PD. So she’s a different kind of a psychic than I am, but we all learn things about our abilities over time. Our strengths, weaknesses, limits and more. Most of my dream premonitions are usually negative things, and they usually happen within 72 hours of the dreams, some as little as 12 or less. Every now and then I’ll have dreams that I don’t know are actual signs as to what’s going to happen in the future, but those are usually the positive things.

Anyway, while things could be much, much worse, all these delays really suck shit. Not just for obvious reasons – big reasons – but the little things as well. Now I have to battle my schedule even longer, which is getting increasingly harder to control. I’m also falling out of shape because boxes are stacked around my treadmill and there’s no room to use it, so I try to do some floor exercises with what little space I can find.

I just hope I’m not going to end up regretting this whole ordeal. I know we deserve it and have earned it, but something up there obviously thinks otherwise. Something with a helluva lot more power and control than we’ve got. Still, I hope I don’t regret it. I don’t like it but I’ve lived in tiny dumps for nearly a decade now. It’s nothing new. If we don’t end up getting this house for some reason, this is where we’re staying for the rest of our lives. At that point, unless Jesse evicts us, I’m not going anywhere.

They’re going to reimburse us for days not spent in the house, and this shit hasn’t cost us money yet, but it very well could end up doing just that. If this keeps dragging on we’ll need more propane, and sooner or later, Jesse’s going to ask for money.